Why are you suicidal?

[SuicidalSuperhero]

My life has kind of been a running example of Murphy's Law. Drug addict parents with generational trauma. ADHD and autism. Domestic violence. Suffered the trifecta of childhood abuse in a two year period that I lived with my psychopath of a biological father: Physical, mental, and sexual. That left me with CPTSD, BPD, generalized anxiety disorder, Bipolar Depression type 2, schizo-affective disorder, and rejection sensitive dysphoria. I also have a very rare condition that most people are lucky to never have to deal with: lovesickness. Most people who do experience it, get over it in six months to two years. I have had it for the last twenty three years. My lovesickness has the capability it seems to tap into all of my other mental health issues. Hallucinations, dissociation, intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, dreams so pleasant that the waking world itself is the nightmare, anxiety attacks, a soul shattering loneliness, a bottomless well of guilt, the intense psychological agony for which BPD is known and is the reason why BPD has a dramatically higher rate of suicide than the nearest mental health issues, insomnia, a lack of appetite, food doesn't taste as good, sexual stimulation no longer feels pleasurable (sometimes it hurts to get aroused or it hurts to achieve release). It's like being trapped in a living Hell. The Devil himself could not devise a more perfect method to torture me with. Love is the only thing that has ever meant anything to me, and she was the only person who has ever calmed my nervous system. My hyper vigilance and my walls disappeared around her. So of course, I messed it up, and of course she was the only woman I have ever truly loved. For the last twenty three years, it has felt like I have been slowly bleeding out from a gaping festering wound in my chest that never closes. A slowly rotting corpse that hasn't realized that it is dead yet.

 

[Siamese Believe]

I'm ugly, poor, short, low IQ, and neurodivergent. I don't have anything to live for.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

Crippling C-PTSD and nerve pain from a life of abuse and assault basically sums it up. I just want out.

 

[Xi-Xi]

I keep going in circles and I'm fed up with it. I told my GP today that I'd like to be euthanised. I want to get it in my patient records, both with my GP and my psychiatrist, that I want to die, for a long time. That's why I'm mentioning it at every appointment now.

Is it really legal?

 

[cloudyblues]

I've been depressed for years and it's never went away. Fucked up family, sexual assault, friend issues, I feel like I'm nothing more than just meant for sex. I misread people and make mistakes constantly, misjudge people thinking we're close but get hit with we're not. Always been the one reaching out to people first who never do. Have a friend since middle school who I thought was my best friend back then, and I don't think they viewed me that way. Reached out to me after 3 years; I stopped reaching out and so did they.
Other than that, I don't want to hurt people anymore and don't want to be hurt. I've been proven life is just pain, and so I don't want it.

 

[Hunter2005]

For me I have skull fracture/head injury/tbi from years ago that affected my life. I gotten way dumber over the years too. Plus I am disabled and I can't enjoy anything anymore. Also a lot of trauma so I have a legit reason to do it.

 

[dangerstars]

i was fucked up far beyond repair and have almost no chance at a future. i want to live, but i don't think continuing the path i'm on is living. it's just surviving and i don't want that

 

[Broken@25]

Honestly out of spite for pro life bs. And a middle finger and a message too society that you can not opress everyone without resistance.

 

[cowardly_cow24]

I had a near death experience and when I woke up it felt wrong, like I should not be alive, like I should not be here. When I was between life and death I was so calm. No coma dreams or anything, even though I was in a coma, just this extreme calmness. When I woke up I didn't get any sudden appreciation for life or anything, I just felt like I was in a video game where everything and everyone is screaming at me that I shouldn't be here. I long going back.

 

[elenaboo25]

Is it really legal?

Well, I live in Switzerland, so it is legal if I get approved for it. But it is a long process. I think it will take around 3 to 5 years in my case. First I have to prove that I want to die consistently over a long time. Then I have to get evaluated by two psychiatrists, and possibly an ethics committee. It would be easier to get approved if I had a physical illness that was life-limiting. My body is wonky, but unfortunately all my physical illnesses so far are well-manageable and don't impact life expectancy. There is no guarantee that it will work, but seeing as I'm currently not ready to do it myself, I might as well try.

Technically it would be legal for anybody in Switzerland to help me ctb, so long as they don't have a self-serving motive to do so and the last act that leads to my death is done by myself. Practically, there's always a police investigation. That's why it's usually done by organizations who specialize in this, and not by random doctors. But theoretically, any doctor could write a prescription for the medication required to die, and you could then go pick it up at the pharmacy. It's just not done that way due to liability reasons.

 

[Terrible_Life]

Because my life was a shit show. Right from the beginning I was destroyed and the possibility of a full filled life was robbed from me and because I have suffered enough now and because all alternatives to suicide will led to a sad life not worth being lived

 

[MFP]

Throughout my life I never found self-worth. It seems that I never liked me very much and a voice in my head won't let me forget it. I spent a long time hoping and praying for better but in the last few years I've looked around to see that nothing has really changed.

It's unfortunate. I've had many opportunities. Someone else might've done a lot with this life but I don't seem to have any ability to live it anymore.

I feel betrayed by myself. I've experienced new and incredible ways to hurt over things I never thought I would have and then lose. I don't want to learn what consuming pain comes next. I do not want to see what horrible thing is around that next corner. I'm tired, I don't have anything inside me that still wants to fight, and in a way I've already died.

Even now, I hear it in my head: "You have such a terrible excuse for dying". I just need it to stop.

 

[EmpressDean]

I keep going in circles and I'm fed up with it. I told my GP today that I'd like to be euthanised. I want to get it in my patient records, both with my GP and my psychiatrist, that I want to die, for a long time. That's why I'm mentioning it at every appointment now.

Are they allowing that? I've researched into it too but you need a doctor approval for terminal things. I'm just very learning disabled and autistic

 

[Unlucky777]

Was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a covert narcissist for 13 years. The narc convinced myself and everyone around me that I was bipolar and made me take antipsychotics for 10+ years and this really fucked up my brain. The combo of the narc abuse and my brain being destroyed by antipsychotics is not fun and I want to end my life because I'm ruined.

 

[kuroshimi]

Where to begin...

My childhood is literally ruined since I faced bullying and misunderstanding from school. My parents are pushing me to decide what I wanted to do in my life. And I felt like a failure.

Now I faced the fact that i growing up during a period of complete chaos in the world. And I simply don't want to be part of it. Moreover, I am still don't know what to do in my life.

 

[Liammm]

i was sexually harrassed at my previous work center, then, sexually assaulted by a close friend in my house at my birthday party. Cops said "thats rough buddy, we cant do anything." Also, now im being kicked out of my job because i have gendery dysphoria. Also, i was never even able to transition due to the threat of my wife's suicide if i did. Also! i am losing all the benefits i spent the last 5 years working towards like free schooling because of the gender dysphoria and also, the current political state of my country and also, the rich and evil win and everyone else gets fucked. That and God "sanctions" hate crimes and bullying and all against people like me-- according to the people in power :)

Also! i wish i could call myself a slur and make six figures overnight.

i hate these people. They then turn around and go to church and celebrate their belief that after all this their enemy(people like me) go to hell. Fuck them and their beliefs.

 

[SomewhereNew]

This might be wildly inappropriate and insensitive, but I lived with people who didn't think I'd make it past 21, and I internalized it. And it's shocking how long I lived past 21. I'm self-destructive, but I admit not cruel, but have attracted cruel people/sadists. I don't want to any more. I really don't know if people who have been cruel to me have ever felt remorse, so I guess I'd say that if you do feel remorse, please apologize to those you've been cruel to. If you mean it, feel it. It might be meaningful. It would be to me.

I'm not mentally fit to pretend to care anymore I've apologized in the past it's not that I've been unapologetically cruel unintentionally I should have said that. I feel they don't care either just as I no longer do and I lack the ability to feel empathy anymore. I used to consider myself an empath but times have changed and people who have wronged me are equally as much to blame.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I failed in life.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Between anhedonia robbing enjoyment of activities and crippling anxiety flaring up, making it difficult to breathe, I find myself stuck ruminating over my life. As I think about what I could've done differently, unable to distract myself, panic gripping my chest, the thought of escaping the cycle of torment becomes an allure that progressively becomes difficult to ignore.

 

[TheMadmanJL]

Because I have no living family, no friends, I am financially insecure, and I'm a drug addict/ alcoholic. I'm a 36 year old failure, and I really despise myself as a human being. I'm gonna jump in front of a bus whenever I catch mine!

 

[Vxlvio]

I can't remember a time when I wasn't depressed or generally suicidal since childhood. I've tried getting through it, I've done all the work, and I'm finally at the point where I just don't care to continue trying. Nothing stops this innate feeling that I just don't belong here, idk

 

[Unlucky777]

I've been suicidal for 30+ years. It all started off because I realized I was gay when I was about 12. I didn't off myself because I was convinced I could "change"

Anyhow, I eventually came to accept myself after another 13 years of deep denial. Once I accepted myself fully, I met a covert narcissist who I had a 13 years relationship with. That narc destroyed my life not only with the emotional abuse but with psychiatric abuse. He convinced everyone, including myself that I had bipolar and psychotic (he would create or manufacture bizarre situations, I would react, and he'd point and say I was crazy.)

Anyhow, the narcissistic abuse left me without an identity, destroyed my self confidence, self esteem, sense of self worth. The antipsychotics I was made to take destroyed my brain and my body mentally, emotionally and physically. So yeah for the last two years I've been suicidal again. It's been a constant battle between wanting to live and wanting to end it all.

 

[39hatsune]

ive been this way for as long as i can remember

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Life sucks always has always will, hate my flesh body, hate life as a concept, I want to leave it behind, if it doesn't want that, it's free to try and keep me here.

 

[Lost Impact]

Something as miserable as me shouldn't be alive and I ruin every relationship I've ever had because I'm a worthless piece of shit. I am thrown away and replaced when people finally understand I'm not worth anything. My family hates me, the friends I have left hate me, and I hate myself.
I guess I was abused but I don't really care about that because it's the last thing on my mind when I think about why I ended up like this. I was just born fucked up.
My existence is rotting in a corner and growing fungus on my body from the rot. I shouldn't exist.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that life is empty. I'm not capable of anything. Waste of time to painfully exist like this.

 

[sendmeawayalien]

Im nuerodiverse so my brain works a lot with pattern recognition. I recognised as young as 11 that life wasnt for me. I knew I would be where I am right now. I knew that statistically a portion of society take their own life. I knew I was part of that portion. I went through the treatmemt route, diagnoses, medication, therapy. Again. And again and again. I knew that even if I wanted "normal" things, like relationships, kids ect, I wouldnt be able to have those things. Wanting to kms feels like something that was always going to happen.

 

[XiaroX]

[/QUOTE]

I appreciate it hun

I don't know if you or anyone else will find this funny, but I had a relationship with someone who called me hun, as in Attila the. :)

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I was severely abused, neglected, and traumatized by a psychotic parent my whole life. I still get neglected and abused by them every single day. My other parent abandoned me at age 2 and never did bother to be a part of my life.
The rest of my family were also abusers. I was traumatized by them, too.
People outside the family also didn't treat me much better. I don't enjoy life at all, never have, and the only thing I have energy for these days is sleep.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Between my I'll health and being a low wage worker in today's America, I feel like even the smallest decisions become a fight to stay alive. I work twice as hard, with maximum pain, for a fraction of the result and I just can't stand it anymore.