Why are you still holding on?

[JoeFailure]

I know a little of how you feel because I talk to people younger than me the same way. I appreciate what you're trying to do.

Do you have any money? I'm paycheck-to-paycheck

Nope, some things happened and I have about $2,000 in savings right now and only make about 50k. I have no debt but no assets, just a rented apartment and a leased car. It's going to be a major uphill battle for me to put up a decent life at this point but I've decided I'm going to try. Today, anyway. The last 2 days before today I was highly suicidal to the point where I ordered N, so really who knows. But I'm hoping I can ride this little wave of hope I got today.

 

[tomz323]

Many of us aren't even truly holding on, and are only still alive because we're waiting for, or working to create, the right circumstances to end our lives.

Yup, trying to find the best way

 

[memento_mori]

there's this tiny inkling of hope but I'm starting to lose faith.
after my first puny suicide attempt, my life did sort of improve but now it's gone downhill again
after my failed second attempt I'm trying to think I'm alive for a reason, but the depression is crushing me and I dont know how much long I can hold on for.

 

[6000qqq]

I'm truly sorry about what's going on in your life. I hope you can find what you're looking for.
For me, I view suicide as the final act. After that, there are no more days. It'll all be over. I want to be 100% sure this is what I want, because once I'm dead, that's it. There's no going back. There is no forward, redos, next times.. it's both a relaxing thought and a horrifying one. When I think about what its like to be dead, I think about the time before I was born, except this time I'll be losing something whereas when I was born I gained something. The losing something is what scares me most. Nevertheless, I am tired of life. I guess the reason I'm holding on a little bit longer is to figure out who I am just a little bit more and gain more insight on what it means to be alive. Life is temporary anyways, so no matter what I'll still die, but I need to know if speeding up the process is in my best interest. I'm trying to stay positive, but I still accept death with open arms. Right now I'm 90% into committing suicide. I will not do it until that number reaches 100. I know this sounds weird, but I hope it makes sense.

 

[Allpainnogain]

I'm truly sorry about what's going on in your life. I hope you can find what you're looking for.
For me, I view suicide as the final act. After that, there are no more days. It'll all be over. I want to be 100% sure this is what I want, because once I'm dead, that's it. There's no going back. There is no forward, redos, next times.. it's both a relaxing thought and a horrifying one. When I think about what its like to be dead, I think about the time before I was born, except this time I'll be losing something whereas when I was born I gained something. The losing something is what scares me most. Nevertheless, I am tired of life. I guess the reason I'm holding on a little bit longer is to figure out who I am just a little bit more and gain more insight on what it means to be alive. Life is temporary anyways, so no matter what I'll still die, but I need to know if speeding up the process is in my best interest. I'm trying to stay positive, but I still accept death with open arms. Right now I'm 90% into committing suicide. I will not do it until that number reaches 100. I know this sounds weird, but I hope it makes sense.

10% hope is better than none

 

[Mircea]

I held on for a few more years than I should have in hopes that things would get better. In my case, that hope did not have a happy ending.

 

[dandan]

for the chance of making my own dream come true, which is something like a dynamic-pyramid/business/multi-level/gambing/bitcoin-based "game" or system...

because I dont want to die.... but that above is the only thing I want to do....

I have a job, because I have to eat.... but my purpose and reason to be alive is that of above..... if that work

I coud possibly try to enjoy life... which would be hard.... because I'm not my money.... im not my job.... im not my busines....

and then maybe I realize im fucked up. no matter what and then CTB a few years later.... but still


I feel like I have to attempt my own business chaning-pyramid like possible lotto system... before I ctb

 

[Monster]

Waiting for a movie to come out. And also trying to get a job so my parents don't think I didn't try everything before I quit.

 

[LongSeason]

I keep going simply because I still have some little hope things can turn for the better, I am turning 18 in less than a month and despite that I feel like I'm already done with life.
I feel like I'm slowly losing everybody and everything, what scares me the most is losing my best friend/girl I love.
I have times where I hope she would leave and hate me so I would finally CTB, but she still seems to care even though she can be really distant at times.
Other than her my reasons for being here are some stuff like music albums that have yet to come out, but those are just excuses and I would CTB anyway.

 

[hunter_lewis]

I desperately want to ctb to escape my crippling pain levels but unfortunately I can't force myself to do it quite yet because of family...I am too scared that I will regret it in the afterlife and so have to be 100% sure as I can be that my family is well cared for after my death and that all of this is the right choice to make.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I'm a bit scared of failing again.
And my husband, he has helped me loads but he suffers from depression and he said if I do it he'll do it.
It used to be a deterrent but not anynore
I'm mostly scared of failing actually that's my main reason