Discussion Why are you still alive, right now?

[fuckthis]

Everyone wants to die, so why are we still here? Was it poor execution? Lack of money? Or are you just waiting for the perfect time? You tell me.

 

[Chinaski]

Cowardice.

 

[Chinaski]

Cowardice.

This btw is the universal answer imo, no shame in it.

 

[jaemus12]

1. I still need a few things in order

2. Suicide notes (fuck, they are harder than I thought.)

3.

Cowardice.

Agreed. I'm a pussy and I'm scared af.

 

[AgingLoser]

Everyone wants to die, so why are we still here? Was it poor execution? Lack of money? Or are you just waiting for the perfect time? You tell me.

Fear

 

[GoingSoonish]

Waiting for my date (will be early next year).

 

[Kellogg's]

Everyone wants to die, so why are we still here? Was it poor execution? Lack of money? Or are you just waiting for the perfect time? You tell me.

Lack of a quick and painless method. Also fear like was mentioned by others.

 

[fuckthis]

Waiting for my date.

When's your date?

 

[GoingSoonish]

When's your date?

Sorry, edited my post. I don't have a day, more a range within the month of Jan (have some loose ends to tie up this year, unfortunately).

 

[RM5998]

1.

Cowardice.

2.

Cowardice.

3. I'm planning to see through the college's cultural fest of this year. Ends on 31st October. Also, I don't want to ruin my department's fest experience, especially not for the 1st years.

4. I'm trying to avoid birthdays of some people I consider close friends.

5.

Cowardice.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Fear of hurting my family

 

[faex42]

1) My mother is 91 and in a nursing home. I am the only relative who lives in the same state. I have POA as well as the papers for funeral. I don't want to abandon her while she is declining. That would be heartless.
2) Fear-Even if matters were settled, I don't think it would be easy to cbt although I believe it is the best option for me.

 

[Over it]

My two boys

 

[that_guy2611]

Because I'm a goddamn coward. I just need to decide and follow through. Instead I just waste my time breathing.

 

[GiveMeNovacaine]

I'm alive because I'm afraid of death.

 

[Miss clefable]

Waiting to truly hit rock bottom

 

[Trashcan]

I promised myself that this next time wouldn't be an attempt, so I'm making the preparations to deal with that. My current date is October 29, but who knows, I might wimp out of it. I also have to wait for the pull up door bar to arrive in the mail and make sure it works out. I'm also trying to find some areas I could hang myself on a tree if the pull up bar doesn't work. And I'm also making some preparations to help me ctb, so I can come to peace with it and not have that pesky survival instinct get in the way of kicking the chair.

 

[scales]

I'm trying to get my affairs in order while preparing the materials for my chosen method (I need to order N from A when he's back from surgery). I have to clean up to make sure there is no mess for others to clean up after I'm gone.

 

[Maravillosa]

My mother needs me to take care of her. It would be cruel of me to desert her in her old age. So I feel obliged to wait to ctb till after Mom dies.

Wanting to finish and publish at least one novel before I die.

Fear of damning myself to Hell if I were to ctb. (I hope and pray for God's mercy, but do not want to assume that He will forgive me for ctb -- that is the sin of presumption, which in its way is as bad as the sin of despair.)

Edit: corrected spelling of "ctb". What can I say? It is late, and I am sleepy

 

[onewayroad]

For me it's not cowardice, I believe I have a very strong moral or ethical code that I live by. In short, I think the net happiness in the universe or the total sum of all sentient beings happiness is what matters.

If I am destined to suffer for another 50 years, I would be reducing the net happiness by being alive, so I should die (even if that causes temporary unhappiness for people who love me). But I have to be sure that my suffering is incurable for that logic to hold. So I have to try every available treatment before I can die.

I estimate this will take another 6-12 months.

Edit: typos

 

[Paulsmith]

Was going to ctb with a partner at the start of this month. I pulled out because I has this opportunity to rebuild my life in a last chance saloon but now I started now told I could lose it in a few weeks

Wish I never pulled out now

 

[Jon86]

Fear (more of messing it up but also death itself to a lesser degree)
Guilt

A lack of drive to just get it done. Life is all I know, it's hard to take that one way trip to the great unknown.

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

I have come to terms with the fact that I can't kill myself, not for a long time. I'm to scared of how it will effect my friends and family. So I am forced to live with my depression.

 

[N-IsMyHope]

I have things ready but I wait to see family for the last time in November. And I will spent my last 2 months with them traveling around the country. But if they couldn't come to visit me, I will do it in November in the hotel. The waiting part is torture.

 

[Made4TV]

A horrible combination of fear and hope. It's small...but damn if it's not still there.

 

[lost illusions]

Timing is everything

 

[Achilless]

Although I want to die so much, I don't have enough courage to do this in decent ways. I can neither shoot myself nor hang, I can't even poison myself strong things such as sodium nitrate because I know I can't do it when I try. I don't know what to do about this. The only possible technique for me could be slowly poisoning. I know there are some methods such as ethylene glycol or mercury poisoning people told me before. But I can't also use ethylene glycol because I have a wife so after doctors figured out how I died, she would be in a serious consequences. I should make it in a way that no one suspects her as a murderer. So that is why I am still alive.

 

[deathoverlife]

Everyone wants to die, so why are we still here? Was it poor execution? Lack of money? Or are you just waiting for the perfect time? You tell me.

Am all set..everything is ready.. i just have to push the button...waitibg for the right time...its happening this week :)

peace finally:)

 

[deathoverlife]

1. I still need a few things in order

2. Suicide notes (fuck, they are harder than I thought.)

3.

Agreed. I'm a pussy and I'm scared af.

been working on the letters...you bet it's harder than we think...entire day i spent on it...still more to do...should be done by tomorrow

 

[fuckthis]

Am all set..everything is ready.. i just have to push the button...waitibg for the right time...its happening this week :)

peace finally:)

Good luck bro!
Edit: your profile says female.... I'm still calling you my bro ;)