Why are you going to commit suicide?

[happysunnydayy]

I have multiple reasons. For one, I'm all alone. And that's literal. Lost all my family over the last 5 years - mother, sister, multiple cousins - with my mother being the last to pass. Had a very small family and I'm the last one remaining. Second reason is I have no friends. So, when I say I'm alone, again, that is literal. I'm not married, haven't any gfs, and I have no children. Not the best place to be in life and I want no part of it.

Third reason is not looking forward to aging and want no part of that, either, especially when I'm all alone. That's not a good place to be with no support whatsoever. I don't want to have to deal with the miserable diseases, and the like, that come with aging. I'm 59 now, and the horror movie ending for me is ending up in a nursing facility somewhere, with no family or friend support, needing to have my ass wiped by someone, and the dribble removed from my chin after having been spoon fed by some aide. No. Not what I want. Hopefully, I get the hell out of here before something bad, like a heart attack, or stroke, turns my worst fears into a reality.

A forth reason is that at 59, I can no longer, realistically, pursue that which would bring me happiness. Take out of that what you will, but that ship has sailed quite some time ago and I just missed the boat.

At your current age are you physically healthy?

 

[neverwashereatall]

born premature. extremely low birth rate. don't feel i even have a soul. i'm not like anyone else, and not in a remotely positive or appealing way.
i am a stranger to myself and this entire system

 

[daysnumbered]

My mind is fucked, and I am maladjusted to this world.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

At your current age are you physically healthy?

Basically, I am. Yeah. But, you know, anything can happen anytime. My sister, who passed about 4 years ago was only 62 when she passed. My first cousin died about 5 years ago and was 63. My other first cousin died just about 6 years ago and was the same age I am now at 59. My dad died when he was 69. All of them went through real hell with illnesses before their deaths. But, the thing about it is that they all had support to help them. I have no one. It would be an entirely different scenario with me being all alone and I just don't want to risk it, and especially don't want to go through anything serious. Honestly, I have nothing worth living for. As far as I'm concerned, with each passing day, things only get worse from here. Existing is not living.

 

[happysunnydayy]

I have multiple reasons. For one, I'm all alone. And that's literal. Lost all my family over the last 5 years - mother, sister, multiple cousins - with my mother being the last to pass. Had a very small family and I'm the last one remaining. Second reason is I have no friends. So, when I say I'm alone, again, that is literal. I'm not married, haven't any gfs, and I have no children. Not the best place to be in life and I want no part of it.

Third reason is not looking forward to aging and want no part of that, either, especially when I'm all alone. That's not a good place to be with no support whatsoever. I don't want to have to deal with the miserable diseases, and the like, that come with aging. I'm 59 now, and the horror movie ending for me is ending up in a nursing facility somewhere, with no family or friend support, needing to have my ass wiped by someone, and the dribble removed from my chin after having been spoon fed by some aide. No. Not what I want. Hopefully, I get the hell out of here before something bad, like a heart attack, or stroke, turns my worst fears into a reality.

A forth reason is that at 59, I can no longer, realistically, pursue that which would bring me happiness. Take out of that what you will, but that ship has sailed quite some time ago and I just missed the boat.

Basically, I am. Yeah. But, you know, anything can happen anytime. My sister, who passed about 4 years ago was only 62 when she passed. My first cousin died about 5 years ago and was 63. My other first cousin died just about 6 years ago and was the same age I am now at 59. My dad died when he was 69. All of them went through real hell with illnesses before their deaths. But, the thing about it is that they all had support to help them. I have no one. It would be an entirely different scenario with me being all alone and I just don't want to risk it, and especially don't want to go through anything serious. Honestly, I have nothing worth living for. As far as I'm concerned, with each passing day, things only get worse from here. Existing is not living.

You've made it this far ahead than most of us here. How??

however dying in 60s from natural causes seems a bit early.. I've seen people drag it all the way to 70s 80s.

 

[gojidoge]

There is nothing to live for anymore and I don't see a future. It is hopeless, I am hopeless, and helpless. I am a failure. I am grateful for the life I've had so far but I am ready to go.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Shame and a messed up head.

 

[random_user]

I think the easiest way to describe for me is that life feels like a job I hate that I have to attend daily for me and has even gradually become worse over time. Been that way for years and I definitely am not willing to do it for 50+ more years.

 

[CloudChaser]

Loneliness, that's the most brutal part.

 

[polm]

Full body pain, wasting, insomnia, disabled and losing function daily. No treatments available.

 

[The Unanswered Q]

Have brain damage and will never accomplish anything because of that.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

My past is a waste of time already fading away, my future is pointless, my present is meaningless pain. Physically my health is good but it doesn't matter when there's no purpose, I might as well be a healthy potato. It's not just mental/emotional agony, it's the fact that I don't belong anywhere. Solution: erase. I'm exhausted.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Mental illness is eating away at me, bit by bit, stealing everything I used to care about. Therapy and medication don't seem to reach anything, and frankly, I don't even know what they're aiming for. The thought claws its way in: it would be better if I were dead. Every day, the question isn't whether I'll get better, but how much worse the next episode will be. It's not about a feeling of alrightness, but the crushing weight of what's to come, and I just don't want to keep battling it.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

You've made it this far ahead than most of us here. How??

however dying in 60s from natural causes seems a bit early.. I've seen people drag it all the way to 70s 80s.

I had responsibilities caring for my father, sister, and then mother in that order. I'm not intending to "drag" any kind of "existing" into my 70s or 80s. Frankly, I don't want, or need, or accept, any prolife, antichoice mantra preached to me by anyone, even subtly. I believe in absolute autonomy over one's own body and the inherent right of self determination as to what's best for me, and those beliefs are unwavering. So, save the preaching.

 

[Doll Steak]

it's a vague answer but behind all of whatever is wrong with me, I just don't care for life anymore. There's no point in it so why should I be obligated to live? I've never planned for the future, so whatever happens is gonna happen. I could waste my time and effort on an entire life plan but why? One day I'll just kill myself.

 

[stink144]

My only friend left me, I'm open if anyone wants to talk

 

[Dyingoportunity]

Parientified at an early age
SA and bullying in my teens
Crippling anxiety and depression
Taught very few adult life skills / social skills
Potentially unemployable
Little to no future

 

[Mingdynasty_19]

I'm tired of living... And life hurts a lot.

Hey, off topic, but I like your mainländer pfp, I really like his philosophy.

 

[alleine]

Depression, I have nothing live for and a massive loneliness, nobody loves me...

 

[GoForDeath]

I fucked up my brain by not wanting to feel shit, made a horrible mistake, now I'm paying for it

 

[tpboy]

It varies between provinces and you get extra if you have a kid and shit. As a single adult in BC, I get about $15,000/year.

 

[happysunnydayy]

I had responsibilities caring for my father, sister, and then mother in that order. I'm not intending to "drag" any kind of "existing" into my 70s or 80s. Frankly, I don't want, or need, or accept, any prolife, antichoice mantra preached to me by anyone, even subtly. I believe in absolute autonomy over one's own body and the inherent right of self determination as to what's best for me, and those beliefs are unwavering. So, save the preaching.

Im not saying you should I'm wondering how did all these people you mentioned died at 60. It's so early. Like I've seen my grandparents die around 70s 80s 90s etc

 

[looking4partner]

1) Extreme loneliness that has gotten worse

2) My life keeps getting worse not better and the situations are practically unbearable after I had believed that they would improve.

3) When I tried psychiatric treatment for the first time and still had hope despite having 8 years of ideation before that, it gave me new mental disorders instead of helping and some of those cause worse anxiety which is what I was trying to treat. And I also experienced chemically induced depression which was a level of hell I had never experienced before. And I didn't think my mental health was capable of getting worse at that point. I am pretty sure this experience gave me PTSD. My biggest fear now is being trapped in a psychiatric hospital with doctors who don't believe my symptoms from medications and attribute them all to my previous mental illnesses and make them worse by increasing and/or adding on more medications. (The reason why I improved the first time was from avoiding medications and doctors who tried to tell me I was having a relapse and had never met me before. And because of my possible neurodivergence, doctors already don't believe me, misunderstand what I say, tell me that my side effects from multiple medicines aren't possible (they were all listed in the leaflet when I looked them up and for the non-psychiatric meds, they were the most common possible side effect.)

And I have had to diagnose myself over the Internet with many things to know what to do because I did not know how to communicate things I'd never felt before and my doctors were uninformed about them and told me I didn't have it when I did end up getting diagnosed with it multiple times. (Because they had a rigid idea of the symptoms and thought if I didn't have one of the possible list of symptoms, but did have all the rest, "it was unlikely that I had it." Or I didn't have it because if I did, the doctor "wouldn't have been able to do this thing." Even though it was causing so much pain that they stopped. (I don't want to get too specific so IDK if that makes sense)

Also, I ended up referring myself to a surgery where I ended up getting diagnosed with one of the conditions which luckily didn't require a referral because it never went through even though I requested it to be sent and was told it was 3 separate times. And the doctor who told me "it was unlikely I had it" because of 1 out of the 10 symptoms I mentioned (which is a listed symptom of that diagnosis), told me at a later appointment that they had referred me to that surgery. Um, no you didn't. I had to find them and figure out a way to possibly reduce my pain all on my own and by using online support groups. It would be funny if I didn't already have people around me ignoring me whenever I ask for help and acting like there isn't an issue and saying they will do something to help me, but not actually following through and causing me to question and self-doubt whether I had a condition that had been causing me highest rated level on a pain scale for 10 years instead of helping me plan for and treat it. Actually, it wouldn't...

4) After waiting years to recover from those effects and finally closer to my previous baseline, I developed a disability that can cause a huge list of possible neurological, physical, & cognitive symptoms. It is unpredictable (and has the possibility to either improve or get worse or both), so people with the diagnosis don't know which ones they will have. Part of this was possibly triggered by an extreme pain condition since I was younger that became chronic after being neglected

5) After that disability had improved some, I developed another severe symptom and previous symptoms also got worse again. One aspect of this symptom is that it causes intense fear. Again, my mental health (panic disorder) became much worse & again, to a level that I didn't think was possible

6) Probable neurodivergence symptoms which have only worsened since developing the other disability since it affects many of the same abilities at an even more intense level

7) Extremely controlling family members who prevented me from gaining independence skills and stunted my social development even more. My main goal that kept me going was that one day, I could "get away" and "life would get better." Instead, I had no idea what I was doing because I went from almost completely controlled to expected to figure out everything on my own with no help/mentorship. And my mental health got worse from such a large increase in responsibilities

8) And after trying as hard as humanly possible to please my controlling family (which never happened) who added on their anxieties to my already existing anxiety, to get good grades and be able to get away, to finally get treatment on my own for my mental health that had been neglected for at least 10 years, and work on life skills and social skills that I was prevented from reaching at the "normal" milestone ages, I'm stuck dependent on my controlling family with even worse mental health symptoms, numerous new mental illness conditions, and physical disability making it so that I can't even leave the house by myself anymore. And I also don't have control over what mental health treatments I can try now.

9) Anxiety, depression, & social anxiety, possible trauma

10) I also tried meeting as many people as possible to make friends during the short amount of time that I was not at home (which took all of my energy & effort due to the mental illness symptoms, social struggles/communication difficulties that I didn't realize I had, & social anxiety) and have basically lost contact with all of them

11) I now have many barriers preventing me from being able to access or do methods that were previously accessible for me :(
And like some people have mentioned, I think having the ability to do it as an option prevented me in a way. Tbh, if I had known everything that would happen in my future, I would have tried earlier when I was still able to access my chosen method. But, I got scared and didn't prepare/procrastinated instead.

12) I have more reasons, but paranoid about sharing too much info which I probably already did

13) Not being believed, so I can't get help with certain conditions. And developing more mental disorders that other people don't understand which also cause an even higher level of loneliness. And somehow, they are all disorders that I read most therapists do not have experience in treating or are under-researched because there aren't medications that treat them.

14) In general, people don't listen to me

 

[thebiggestduck17]

My life is hopeless. The earth is cruel, and there is no guarantee anything will get better. I'm so tired of seeing people who wronged me do well in life while I'm stuck in pain. physically and mentally.

 

[diopdawe]

I had everything in my life up until September, 2023. My life was a success: good career, great salary, loving wife, an adorable daughter. For some reason I developed extreme anxiety and depression in September, 2023 and my life was soon in ruins. Because of anxiety, I couldn't sleep, I had the worst insomnia possible. Because of no sleep I developed panick attacks that left me crippled in my workplace. I had an unsuccessfull attempt. Then they fired me from my job that I loved, lost my salary and throughout the months, I lost all my savings. Been in a psych ward for 6 months, gave me a lot of medications and 8 ECT treatments and my brain is fucked up forever. My wife left with my daughter. So within a year I lost everything and have no future, no perspective.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Im not saying you should I'm wondering how did all these people you mentioned died at 60. It's so early. Like I've seen my grandparents die around 70s 80s 90s etc

How did all these people die around 60? Idk. Bad luck? One cousin drank herself to death within 2 years because, after getting into some trouble, she was no longer able to take various drugs to ease her pain from end-stage Crohn's disease due to court-ordered drug testing. She was 59. My sister originally had bowel cancer and was cancer free for a few years until the same cancer ended up in her liver. That was pretty much the end of that. She was 62. My other cousin had been diagnosed about 16 years before his death with multiple myeloma. He was cancer free, but because of a stem cell transplant, his immunity to just about everything was compromised and he ended up catching E-coli, which his body could just not fight. He was 63. I lost 2 other more distant cousins in that same span of time, although they really both brought about their deaths themselves. One OD'd for like the 4th time, but his luck ran out this last time. He was 21. His brother got into a high-speed chase with a cop and ended up driving his vehicle into a retention pond and drowning. He was also 21. My Aunt, basically, just committed VSED because she had buried her two children, my 2 first cousins. My mom died of chf at the age of 88. All these deaths, along with 2 others, happened within a span of less than 5 years. That wiped out my entire family. I'm the last one remaining.

 

[bankai]

My Aunt, basically, just committed VSED because she had buried her two children, my 2 first cousins. My mom died of chf at the age of 88.

I'm sorry about your mother.

How did your aunt get away with that? Didn't anyone admit her? It must have been a very slow death. It's just a brutal, brutal way to go. I've done very long bouts of fasting for autophagy. I'm talking about weeks. But I can't imagine doing it for months till death.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm sorry about your mother.

How did your aunt get away with that? Didn't anyone admit her? It must have been a very slow death. It's just a brutal, brutal way to go. I've done very long bouts of fasting for autophagy. I'm talking about weeks. But I can't imagine doing it for months till death.

Yeah, she ended up in a care facility after her son, my cousin, was no longer able to care for her. After about a month, she just stopped eating. She just gave up. I don't believe it took all that long for her to succumb, at least not that long to go unconscious. She hung around a while in the unconscious state, as her body slowly shutdown. It was definitely not months. I want to say it was like 4, 5 weeks max.

 

[sweetreliefpls]

I have multiple chronic illnesses partly induced by environmental exposures, and it seems bad luck followed me around as I improved a lot and then was exposed again and got worse. Now I also have multiple parasites due to extreme gut dysfunction. Tried treatment and it keeps failing.
I think the root cause is probably generational trauma and CPTSD, but it's led to poor decisions, depression, sickness and now every day is hard to bear. I'm trying to formulate a plan to CTB to avoid ending up disabled or sectioned and in pain. It's hard as I'm living with my parents due to symptoms and they're here all the time. Hoping I can find SN and do it at night locked in my bathroom.

 

[bankai]

Yeah, she ended up in a care facility after her son, my cousin, was no longer able to care for her. After about a month, she just stopped eating. She just gave up. I don't believe it took all that long for her to succumb, at least not that long to go unconscious. She hung around a while in the unconscious state, as her body slowly shutdown. It was definitely not months. I want to say it was like 4, 5 weeks max.

No one, no hospital hooked her up with glucose or anything?I just assumed that someone will intervene in these situations.Interestingly, people who fast unto death usually die of a heart attack 'cause once the body eats up all the fat and all the muscle, it will then go after the organs. And the heart being a giant muscle gets diminished in size until it eventually cannot beat anymore to pump the blood.