Venting why am i the ungrateful one.

[unluckiestclover]

my parents have always told me i was a "blessed" child. that's kinda bullshit, especially when you think about the fact that there is no god. or at least, if there was one, he's certainly abandoned me. i won't deny that my parents put a lot of effort into raising me, but that's perhaps all they ever did.

i didn't want to be born. i didn't want to be their genius, but i was made to be so anyways. i am a marionette for their hopes and dreams, it seems. i've been considered their 'gifted' child-- which meant i was made to study day in and day out. they got married only to have smart kids and can't stand each other, and even if that was your reason, why was it my job then to deal with their fights? day in and day out, i worked hard and worked harder, to no end. i naïvely wanted to be loved, to be wanted, to be appreciated. i know it's only human to want these things, but the world has decided i don't deserve to be human. if i am too human, my parents despise me, and i have never learned to be human enough for friends.

human comforts are for humans. i am not a human to people.

people used to yank my hair straight off my scalp. i came crying home and was called ungrateful. i get locked in a bathroom overnight on a school trip. i tell my parents about it and i am ungrateful. over and over and over again, i am hit and i am yelled at and i am ungrateful but what did i even do that was so bad? all i ever wanted to do was to learn things and have fun.

yet that is too much to want.

 

[BuranaPoe]

Es repugnante tener que estar a la altura de las expectativas de otras personas, yo (inconscientemente supongo) decidí ignorarlos y sin embargo eso no me benefició, ahora leo tu historia y me hace sentir frustrado... ¿no es así? punto medio en esta sociedad detestable? Hermano, te mando un abrazo, sé cómo se siente el bullying de mierda.

 

[MrDarkness]

No one is ungrateful, I'm sorry your parents see you as a toy in their eyes, some people aren't meant for having kids, the best I can say is if your well educated, try to find a job and leave your family behind, they aren't being useful in my eyes just being toxic and garbage, If you need to talk my dms are always open

 

[feder]

I'm so sorry you got a family like this I hope you will find a way to feel better soon, perhaps by moving out?
My parents are kind of like that as well, they always told me how they do everything for me and perhaps from the material perspective they do, but they were never there for me when I needed them emotionally, I've always had to deal with my pain alone. My needs and wishes were never acknowledged, maybe that's why I feel like I don't exist . Sorry, I did not mean to vent, just wanted to relate to you and show you that you are not alone. Wish you the best!