Venting Why Am I Still Here??

[Pretty_Damaged1111]

I want to die! I don't want to be here anymore! So why the fuck am I still here???? I am a pussy when it comes to physical pain. The emotional and psychological pain that I have endured the last 4 years is somehow survivable.... I can't bring myself to CTB when I think about what kind of physical pain I will have to endure If I don't do it right. In the last few weeks I have suffered more than any one person should have to suffer in their lifetime. If I had the money or resources to end my suffering in a painless way, I would've been gone a long time ago. I feel like everyone around me lives watching me suffer. So nobody will help me. My own family doesn't care if I die. They are likely helping my husband and his family out me through hell. Why can't I just suck it up and do it??? I have a paper written on my wall that says, "Stop being a pussy. It will only hurt for a little bit, then you will never have to feel pain again." It still doesn't help me just do it and get this bullshit over with.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide just isn't straightforward as with more painful methods it's more difficult to overcome the survival instinct as it can kick in if one is trying to attempt, and there are risks involved in trying to leave, as after all we exist in a world which denies people the option of a guaranteed, peaceful method, it's horrible how suicide attempts can go wrong and just lead to even more suffering. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for, it's such a horrible world where all this endless torment exists.

 

[chocolatebar]

Why am I still here.... I ask myself that question a lot. I've been suicidal for longer than I can even remember anymore, to the point of being ashamed of it.

I believe that's how you feel, ashamed. It often leads us to despair. I remember felling to the ground wanting to tear myself apart, or hitting walls, wanting to destroy everything around me.

But hey, I see that you are hurting yourself a lot because of this. You're not a pussy, and that paper has no purpose rather than hurting you every day. There's already too many things and people in this world who want to destroy us. You don't have to do it to yourself too.