Venting Why am I not dead already?

[Sadbanana]

I have made the decision, that my life is not worth living three years ago and since then I haven't changed my stance. Everything just got even worse and the faint hope I had before is gone. So why can't I just die already?

Am I just too stupid to kill myself, or am I so unable to face the fear of the unknown, that I willingly stay in this torture? It's probably both.

I fear I will live like this for decades, wishing to die, but unable. I'm already sick of grief and regrets. I hate this life so much, I have no problem with nothingness and losing everything, becuase when push comes to shove it's all bullshit.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I've been ready to go for the last 40 or so years. I don't know why I haven't done it yet. Probably because things start looking up, then crash back down in a blazing hellscape. I'm tired of playing this game.

Sometimes you're just not ready. Your mind tells you that you are, but your heart and gut tells you differently. Your mind plays endless games with you, and it just messes your shit all up.

You're not stupid. Killing yourself takes a lot of willpower. And the fear of the unknown is a common thought for a lot of people, therefore the deed never gets finished.

Just take your time. It's not something you have to do right away. Who knows, 6 months from now, your life may turn into one of those "I'm glad I didn't ctb" moments. You just never know.