I just hate myself because I decided to keep living instead of ctbing when it was convenient. You know sometimes you have the possibility to die and sometimes you just can't because you got no means or whatever.
So back in 2023 I was struggling with an exam that is considered very hard and it was very important to me to pass it and I didn't have my ADHD meds back then. I promised myself if I don't pass I won't live. However I passed so I thought life gonna be great from now on!!!
Screw me, it isn't. I mean my life DID slightly improve but not a lot. I still struggle with same shit.
I'll never have a quality of life which is available to a regular neurotipical. Okay most neurotypicals of SS are screwed just like me or even more. But on average being neurotypical in Poland gives you very very decent odds.
I'm feeling very stupid because I didn't take my life back then. I only have one friend who''s an alcoholic and will drink to death regardless what I do.But besides no one would care. I'm not taking my life tonight but I wish I did. I don;t have any means.
So back in 2023 I was struggling with an exam that is considered very hard and it was very important to me to pass it and I didn't have my ADHD meds back then. I promised myself if I don't pass I won't live. However I passed so I thought life gonna be great from now on!!!
Screw me, it isn't. I mean my life DID slightly improve but not a lot. I still struggle with same shit.
I'll never have a quality of life which is available to a regular neurotipical. Okay most neurotypicals of SS are screwed just like me or even more. But on average being neurotypical in Poland gives you very very decent odds.
I'm feeling very stupid because I didn't take my life back then. I only have one friend who''s an alcoholic and will drink to death regardless what I do.But besides no one would care. I'm not taking my life tonight but I wish I did. I don;t have any means.
