dying_kwik2000
Member
- Nov 1, 2025
- 17
I'm just going to put my thoughts on here as openly as possible.
I just went to go buy blades and I don't know why. I'm doing this sport massage course and as I was practicing on this girl, she kept critiquing me and my technique. And even though I know it wasn't out of malice, it just made me feel terrible about myself. Like, why can't I just remember the fucking techniques? I started to spiral, thinking everyone is so much better than me and than everyone hates me. I started crying to my mom. I feel like she couldn't understand and I was crying about how I feel so abnormal because I have all these negative thoughts and all these negative emotions and the feelings I feel are so sticky. And she said something about me expressing my emotions in a proper way and about how my dad had bad anger management issues and I felt like she was basically saying I'm turning into my father. I don't know why, but I panic when I'm stressed and I break things sometimes when I'm angry or feel misunderstood. I just feel worse and then went to get some blades. I feel like im being controlled my negative emotions. It's like they have me by the balls. When I have a negative feeling, it consumes me.
I also took some pills about three weeks ago, so I guess that doesn't help. It also doesn't help that I feel perpetually misunderstood.
I also messaged someone last night and they said they will talk to me on Monday. I don't know why, but my immediate reaction was, "They don't like me. They hate me. They want to avoid me."
I just needed to get that out into the ether.
I just went to go buy blades and I don't know why. I'm doing this sport massage course and as I was practicing on this girl, she kept critiquing me and my technique. And even though I know it wasn't out of malice, it just made me feel terrible about myself. Like, why can't I just remember the fucking techniques? I started to spiral, thinking everyone is so much better than me and than everyone hates me. I started crying to my mom. I feel like she couldn't understand and I was crying about how I feel so abnormal because I have all these negative thoughts and all these negative emotions and the feelings I feel are so sticky. And she said something about me expressing my emotions in a proper way and about how my dad had bad anger management issues and I felt like she was basically saying I'm turning into my father. I don't know why, but I panic when I'm stressed and I break things sometimes when I'm angry or feel misunderstood. I just feel worse and then went to get some blades. I feel like im being controlled my negative emotions. It's like they have me by the balls. When I have a negative feeling, it consumes me.
I also took some pills about three weeks ago, so I guess that doesn't help. It also doesn't help that I feel perpetually misunderstood.
I also messaged someone last night and they said they will talk to me on Monday. I don't know why, but my immediate reaction was, "They don't like me. They hate me. They want to avoid me."
I just needed to get that out into the ether.
