Driving a car is too much responsibility for me.
It is so easy to make a huge mess with a car; one inattentive second is sufficient.
The fast paced nature of driving does not mingle well with my slow paced being.
Driving is spontaneous and instinctive, but I am meticulous and neurotic.
Apart from that, I have the social competency of a child.
I am completely unable to survive on my own.
It is all too much.
What a joke.
so true, almost nowhere else in life can one second cause a potentially life threatening mess. yet its something done so casually. i cant get my head around it.
Can't say I can sympathize with you since I feel really comfortable behind the wheel even after an accident that basically torn off the hood of my car. You say you don't really care about yourself but you're afraid you might hurt someone else on the road. I feel like I'm misunderstanding you but are you saying that you don't really care if you would get into a car accident that would kill you but you're afraid you might hurt someone else on the road?
I do have to say however that, suicidal thoughts do creep into my mind when I screw up or I don't perform satisfactorily to my standards that much is indeed true. Some people here asked a very interesting question to me: Are they less mentally capable because of depression or does the depression makes them less capable?
Most of the time I feel as if I am walking through a fog, unable to concentrate or remember things but on my better days, it feels like I'm an entirely new person as if my intelligence and motor skills suddenly got an enormous boost. It feels nice I'm not gonna lie but It's also very frustrating because those are usually the days I make plans to better myself but in the back of my head, I know the next day or the next week I'll return to my miserable usual self and all the preparations were for nothing. Sometimes I kinda wish the better days would never come again, it would be less confusing if I was sad all the time.
yea, im afraid of a fuck up of mine hurting someone else, idc about myself. thats why as a passenger my anxiety isnt anywhere near what it is when im behind the wheel (altho i have been getting more anxiety even just being in a car lately), because then i feel responsible and it overwhelms me to the point where i cant focus, which can be a death sentence when driving. i think its a mix of anxiety, depression, and my physical issues which make driving seem like such an impossible task to me. they're all things which impair my focus and ability to think clearly. also, i barely feel comfortable in my own body, so how am i meant to feel comfortable operating a 3000 pound metal vehicle going 50 mph alongside other cars (and trucks, oh god fuckin trucks)? my back/neck are stiff 24/7, so ofc that causes problems with being able to look around me when im going down the road surrounded by traffic. it worsens my focus by a lot, as well. and since i didnt start learning to drive until i already had those issues, i never had the experience under my belt already to ease my worries. a lot of it is about experience i think, and im unable to get any because im terrified. and thats another thing, you need experience to be good at driving, but to get experience you need to... drive WITHOUT experience, which can lead to making a mistake, which can lead to an accident, etc etc. its a catch 22. people say "just get experience" as if its a video game or something, where if you mess up you can hit a restart button and you're fine, but again, driving is one of the only things where slipping up can be fatal. its just such a strange thing to me, like its so exempt from the boundaries of everything else in life. if you feel comfortable driving, why be afraid of anything else? like, socializing? an awkward situation wont hurt/kill you or others.
i get that your experience is legit, its what you perceive, but from my perspective, i dont understand how someone with depression/anxiety could feel comfortable doing something so dangerous where you need to be constantly on edge, thinking clearly and hyper aware of your surroundings. unless you live in a very sparsely populated area with little to no cars on the road, i dont get it. sometimes my brain fog (and messed up body as well) causes me to bump into things just walking to my fridge, how am i meant to drive down these tight roads and not make a single mistake when cars are going every which direction? plus you have to worry about other drivers fucking up as well even if you're doing things right. yet somehow there are some seriously messed up people out there who feel totally comfortable doing. its just something in life that i cant comprehend, and it makes me feel like i wasnt meant to exist in this world. but then i remember that driving is new in the grand scheme of things and humans didnt necessarily evolve to be able to do it, so... maybe everyone else are the freaks and i just wasnt made for this era/society.
excuse the tangent... didnt mean to make this whole thread about my inability to drive/driving in general lol, was just a notable example. still helps to see some people who relate though because it makes me feel like im not completely alone. idk a single person in my life who shares this problem, and i feel like its a pretty uncommon thing overall, so that makes me feel like shit ON TOP of the inconvenience it brings. just thought i'd give you some insight on my incompetence from my pov.
