Discussion While preparing your way towards — hopefully, nonexistence — what are your pleasures, if any?

[Morning Angel]

The only time I feel ok is when I'm sleeping.

 

[Clover]

I really don't find pleasure in anything at all. Even sleep is restless and Stressful. I do things but don't really like it enjoy it. I'm really just passing each day as fast as possible until my N arrives

 

[throwaway123]

I have to agree with the others here. I am an escapist and it helps me pass each day because I currently do not have the right method. Jumping off a bridge is far harder than you think. It takes a huge effort,willpower,fearlessness,numbness to pain and commitment...these are precisely the things that I don't have and the part of the reasons why I want to CTB in the first place. Oh the irony.

 

[nuclearsnake]

I too try to escape with the help of fiction. It's mostly reading. I also like music but usually it doesn't drown the pain quite that well but then again neither does fiction.

Alcohol helps a lot. And sleeping. I have anti-anxiety medication that calms me down enough to help me sleep but the effect isn't as strong as it was at the start.

 

[Chloe]

i dream up ways of killing my neighbor

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

Weed, video games, music, working out( haven't in five days when I usually work out every day or every other day, I been too depressed) making/eating food, and talking with the few friends who seem to care.

 

[bigj75]

alcohol, sex, competition, food, and music.

 

[Lion]

video games usually or anime, barely can find any games on steam i enjoy anymore though...

 

[Soon4me]

Music,tv series,weed,communicating with aliens through telepathy.cheesecake,coffee,youtube.

 

[bigj75]

video games usually or anime, barely can find any games on steam i enjoy anymore though...

 

[windingdown]

I love listening to music~ I'm always usually listening to something; I just love how I get become lost in a world of words that are just so beautiful arranged that I cant help stop and feel every beat of a song. I love art~ I actually have an art blog which some reason people seem to like. I've always created stuff even when I young, and now it seems the one of the only things that helps keep me sane. Of course, i love fiction; who couldn't love fanatical worlds that are just so much better than this reality? I guess I'm addicted to daydreams & forgetting that this life of mine is real. Something really specific would be, I love horses. Own them myself. I guess its the kind of thing you couldn't understand if you haven't experienced it, but I don't think there is any feeling greater then when I'm out riding. It's like for just second I feel like everyone could be okay. I just wish that could last forever y'know?

I wish we could capture and bottle those moments, and that they would make up the entirety of reality. I have this feeling when I'm out on walks, and the world feels lovely.

It's dreadful how so many humans just have to look for ways to pass time. Time is so long. I am an anti-natalist; I don't believe in having children, and I wish I hadn't been born. What for - to pass time? While the first part of my life has been good, the spectre of illness, aging, and death is too much for a human heart to bear. 'Better to never have been born', as David Benatar says.

The thing that makes me feel happiest is listening to my favorite classical music, though I rarely do this. It is almost too painful. I also walk daily, which can feel like a burden, but which I ultimately enjoy. Walking has always been one of my favorite things. It's not as pleasurable as it used to be, but when the weather is a bit cool, and there are nice scents in the air, I can trick myself into feeling happy for some moments here and there.

I read online a lot - more than anything else. Movies tend to bore me, but I've made it through 1 1/2 since yesterday. I've been trying to pick up some freelance work (I had a small job today). That actually helps a lot. I text a bit with friends. I prepare simple food. (Tragically, I can't eat like I used to even last year, because I've suddenly started gaining weight SO easily - at only 31 - and now, gaining an ounce makes me feel swollen and uncomfortable. Part of what makes life intolerable these days. I envy people who can wear an extra 5 lbs without real discomfort.)

What else? I love to sleep, like what seems like most people here. It always feels tragic to wake up and return to reality, and realize my dreams are not real, and I must rise to face another empty day. Coffee gets me out of bed in the morning. I've taken to drinking three cups over the past week - why not stretch it out all morning.

I am appreciating this forum a great deal! It's nice to be able to read and contribute about things that are on my mind so much of the time - that I can't talk about with anyone else, except my mom, and she's full of life and doesn't like it. I've abandoned Reddit (which I had just started posting to) because it's so censored, and posts disappear so fast. There seems to be more community here.

I do some small exercises every other night to keep my body in reasonable shape. Just 5-10 minutes - I can't really tolerate more than that. I go for muscle failure, for the best effort/reward ratio.

I talk to my mom, who I live with. I clean the kitchen.

Read online / look for work / drink coffee / prepare food and eat / classical music / walk / small exercises / clean the kitchen / movies once in a blue moon / SLEEP

What a boring, dreadful life. I wish it were as full as it used to be. How did I live in a world where everything felt meaningful, and life felt rewarding? How is it possible that people (most people?) still live in such a world, that they sustain it over time, even as they get older? I can hardly believe how seriously most people seem to take life. It's become so vacant to me.

 

[MEoDP]

Right now I primarily thrive on fictional entertainment. I've got an exotic hobby that is lucid dreaming but I haven't been making attempts in awhile. (fucking school gets in the way,argh!!)

Maybe I'll make an attempt to get a lucid dream tonight.

 

[Lion]

wow you can just make yourself lucid dream? ive noticed any time i get close to ctb i will have on going vivid dreams but i never realize its a dream to do anything, they're strange tho since in alot of them recently ive had to kill people with some sort of knife when im like the most non violent alive lol.

 

[Regisphilbin_savant]

Drugs music video games reading movies occssionally

 

[lost illusions]

I am also no stranger to escapism. At the apex of my worst (and most recent) depressive episode, I relied on a magical knockout elixir of Ambien & alcohol. It got pretty bad. I was drinking every day and started chewing up the ambien, which I would wash down with beer. Did that a few times with Xanax and Valium I bummed off of my acquaintances.

As a result of all this, I developed a monstrously high tolerance for sedatives. Doc put me on such a high dose of a different med that the pharmacist actually asked me if there could be a typo on the scrip. You usually start with 20 mg; I needed 200 mg plus three beers and a prayer to go to sleep.

I think I'm mostly back to normal now. My new psychiatrist is pushing sobriety pretty hard, so I have dropped the alcohol. I have to stay away from Ambien. It works way too well. Most effective drug I've ever taken.

Ambien and alcohol did help me, your lucky

 

[lost illusions]

Thats so cool, some of the things I read in here are amazing. Some of which I'll try my self

 

[bigj75]

Thats so cool, some of the things I read in here are amazing. Some of which I'll try my self

Have fun!

 

[Dean]

I have an obsession with escapism. I love reading old literature from the 18th and 19th Centuries. Some days I like to lay in bed and just day dream about what my perfect life would be like.

 

[MEoDP]

wow you can just make yourself lucid dream? ive noticed any time i get close to ctb i will have on going vivid dreams but i never realize its a dream to do anything, they're strange tho since in alot of them recently ive had to kill people with some sort of knife when im like the most non violent alive lol.

Yup,lucid dreaming is legitimately a skill that can be learned/acquired.

If you're interested,feel free to PM me your email address and I'll send you a free e-book.

(NOTE: didn't make my attempt last night,got too lazy,haha. Maybe I'll do it this night)

 

[RacilyDank]

Nothing. I don't get any pleasure out of anything, which is part of the problem.

I used to be a passionate person with many hobbies and interests, but I've lost interest in all of them. I can't even listen to music because it doesn't evoke the same emotions, just a frustration at the way I feel.

I would say I was dead inside, but I'm still very much capable of feeling pain and a lot of it at that.