Where to Begin?

[quietwhisper]

This is weird yet refreshing to actually be able to say this to others without judgement. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. The thought of ending my life has always been in the back of my mind, even as a teenager. I later found out that my mom actually didn't want me and thought about not keeping me. I still don't know how that makes me feel. I've gone through my entire life not really finding my place. You know, job to job... start something end something. Start college, stop going, then go again. Watch my friends start families and me, well, can barely stay in a relationship. Even friends who I thought were friends, turned out not to be good friends.
I have attempted twice, so, third time is a charm, right? The second attempt is the reason I do not want to consume anything that will make me vomit at some point. It was messy and not a great experience.
I'm still in the planning stage and I think the night night sounds like a good choice for me. I spend my days contemplating what if it doesn't work, but I need to stop doing that. I'm debating about my stuff once I'm gone, but then why do I care. I won't see anyone that's in my life now or my stuff. I know some people will be sad, but really, how many?
I have never said this to anyone in my life, so this was nice. I'm still working on a date, definitely sometime this month.

 

[KillingPain267]

Welcome to the site

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[AnderDethsky]

Where to begin?

You can try to decide on your method for now.
Thread 'Suicide Resource Compilation' https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-resource-compilation.3/
UPD: If already done, just stay here for a while if you have already joined us. Explore, express yourself, as this happens, the necessary thoughts will come to you. Feel comfortable.

 

[CatLvr]

Yes, welcome to SaSu. Take your time reading through the Megathreads on different ways and do definitely look at the Recovery forum, even though I know that's not in your plans right now.

Recovery wasn't even a thought I had when I joined. I was just looking for fast and painless as possible, as soon as possible. And these folks here -- well, they have helped me more than I will ever be able to repay. My circumstances have changed now and while there are days when I do still think of ctb I can't now. I have children that were not in my life when I came here looking for a way that are now back in my life so I could never hurt them like that.

Anyway, if I had ctb when I originally thought I was going to I would have died thinking my children didn't love me. And they would have lost their mom thinking she didn't love them -- and nothing could be further from the truth.

Turns out what I really needed was a group of people who truly understood how I felt and why I felt that way, who didn't pressure me to forgive the unforgivable. It is unfortunate normies cannot understand this simple truth. We are here for you to vent to as much as you like. Sometimes getting shit off your chest really is good enough to get you to the next day. And if it doesn't, well, we will all support your right to decide what YOU want and will comfort you on your journey as best we can.