Venting When your heart bruises so easily

[princeseadove]

I'm not sure what to do. I just posted, but my mom came to my room asking for her pillow. I tried attempting not too long ago, and the thing was that I did it so that my family wouldn't come for me for about a few hours or so, until the morning. But she did.

I think back to how I'm so virtually unlucky. With how my parents trapped me here, with severe psychosis and depression and BPD. How I was never able to adapt and I don't think can now. How I'm just disliked for things out of my control too. But apart of me wants to believe I can recover. Make friends and what not. Because I did. But also people think I'm so fucking weird. But also people have survived worse I think, so why can't I?

Because of my heart. My BPD. Anything, even the slightest thing happen watch me spiral to oblivion, reduced to a single point. Along with my delusions and it's hell on earth. I am loved, but I'm not special to no one. But maybe I can, but I don't know. I am so darn unlucky it's actual insanity. But I'm genuinely so confused. An adult feeling as they were when they were 12. How ridiculous.

 

[Another Path]

It isn't ridiculous at all. What you describe seems overwhelming, I know that feeling.
"my parents trapped me here" So you are not seeing a therapist or taking medication? Have you received therapy and or medication before?
I don't know you well, but recovery is always possible. There is so much possible within our minds.
People who judge you as "weird" are immature and without compassion. They would be no good friends no matter how they judged you.

I wish you less suffering.

 

[princeseadove]

It isn't ridiculous at all. What you describe seems overwhelming, I know that feeling.
"my parents trapped me here" So you are not seeing a therapist or taking medication? Have you received therapy and or medication before?
I don't know you well, but recovery is always possible. There is so much possible within our minds.
People who judge you as "weird" are immature and without compassion. They would be no good friends no matter how they judged you.

I wish you less suffering.

I used to have a therapist, and almost took medication, but my parents all stopped it because they deemed it "unnecessary" (and they are also very much religious) and I have been suffering ever since. I did have a therapist available, but she was so egregiously horrible and lacked any understanding that I just stopped her sll together, and there's no other available one for me, so I don't know. Thank you for the assurance, I have tried pleasing them/masking but it's really not the best course of action. Thank you for the comment