When/what age did you know?

[Egddios]

I can relate to you so much except for your abusive background. I'm so sorry for you. Have you ever considered therapy?

I see a therapist now, usually once a week which feels fucking impossible at times. The thought of going in, sitting down with her, talking...each appointment I make it to, I legit give myself a pat on the back. I've seen a handful of therapists over the years and it can help. I think a lot of what is happening lately with me is related to the ECT treatments I had over the summer. Cumulatively, I've had 20 or so treatments and this last round really did me in. September was HARD to get through. My memory has taken a hit, and then when something (a painful memory) does come back, it feels like reliving the pain over again. I look at the calendar and think to myself, MAYBE I can make it to February. I don't want to ruin the holidays coming up, etc. etc.

Like many of you here, I'm hanging on by a thread.

A hug

 

[CursedForDisaster]

About 12 or 13, I kind of fell out of it at one point (between 15-17 due to a high school love) but then continued to decline and ruined the last 2 years of that relationship, since then I've just fallen further. It's been a few years since I've really done anything beside get high, stay inside and waste away. I don't really have anything positive to offer the world anymore. I fell out of the tree then went sour, now I'm slowly rotting away

 

[LuzurPhagget]

I see a therapist now, usually once a week which feels fucking impossible at times. The thought of going in, sitting down with her, talking...each appointment I make it to, I legit give myself a pat on the back. I've seen a handful of therapists over the years and it can help. I think a lot of what is happening lately with me is related to the ECT treatments I had over the summer. Cumulatively, I've had 20 or so treatments and this last round really did me in. September was HARD to get through. My memory has taken a hit, and then when something (a painful memory) does come back, it feels like reliving the pain over again. I look at the calendar and think to myself, MAYBE I can make it to February. I don't want to ruin the holidays coming up, etc. etc.

Like many of you here, I'm hanging on by a thread.

A hug ❤

You think ECT messed you up? Wow, I thought it could only be beneficial.

 

[Egddios]

You think ECT messed you up? Wow, I thought it could only be beneficial.

Yeah, ECT ultimately didn't work for me and unfortunately my memory has suffered. I had an appointment with my social worker yesterday and ran into a woman who had been in the hospital when I was inpatient; she also opted to try ECT. I asked her if she had any trouble remembering things after she got out and she told me she did/does. We looked at each other with this understanding, I can't quite explain it. We hugged.

 

[Relief]

First time I thought about it I was 7. My mom, sister and I moved in with her girlfriend and it was hell. She was/is very manipulative and I was scared of going home everyday. My relationship with food got very complicated (binging in secret) and little things like not being able to do my math homework would lead me to casually check how high my room was from the floor. Around 15 I got really serious about it. My dad moved to a house high enough and I spent most weekdays thinking about it.
However, this year, 18 (not) going to 19, I'm as decided as one can be. My life has been shit for as long as I can remember. I (genuinely) don't have the ability to care/love others which makes my life a living misery.

 

[Marz]

I had my first attempt at 13, so basically ever since then.

 

[robin999]

i was 11 in 6th grade. it didn't slowly come up on me. it all hit me at once and it was over losing someone very close to me.