When should you have ctb?

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I should have ctb 5 years ago when i first joined this website. or at least 2.5 years ago. i've had a shotgun since 2.5 years ago . but my si has made excuses , been afraid to pull the trigger of the shotgun in my mouth. i've been on this site 5 years and time passes so fast seems like a few days i just joined .

 

[-nobodyknows-]

The best time would've been 6 years ago. I feel guilty for not doing it earlier because I feel like the longer I stay the harder it would be for people if I do it

 

[We Are Angels]

Should have commited suicide at the end of 2020, before I was ghosted by the person I loved most, and gained 100 Ibs

 

[AuroraB]

I feel like I should have ctb 6 years ago but everyones stupid "It gets better" sayings kept me going. When do you feel you should have ctb?

i tried and failed when i was under 18. i'm in my early 60s now. good days, bad days. good years and bad years. my mom CTB in 1991. i was in my late 20s. i vowed i wouldn't CTB until my dad passed and he's been gone 3 years now. time just flew by. i'm suprised i'm still here. for now.

 

[AuroraB]

Should have commited suicide at the end of 2020, before I was ghosted by the person I loved most, and gained 100 Ibs

i was also trashed/ghosted by the person i loved the most. we did 10 years on/off (mostly on) and now we're over 4.5 years no contact. my life has been so much calmer/easier w/out them in it but i still miss them and think of them 1000 times a day.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I can relate.

Personally, I wish my mother had had a miscarriage or something.
When I was a teenager I had thoughts about jumping out of the window or going to a high building a jumping there. Maybe I should have done it. I was so little but already had so much trauma under my belt. Those thoughts weren't obsessive thoughts but nevertheless.

As an adult I think I should have done it last year. I stupidly didn't do it because I kept hoping things would work out with this guy I was talking to and maybe then I could give life another chance. It was this teeny tiny glimpse of hope I had. But he turned out to be a pathological liar just wasting my time. Still kicking myself for sticking around and not seeing through his bs earlier. But on the other hand, it gave me time to save a bit more money for my death trip.

Like you said, I bought into the "it gets better" lie for way too long. Especially when I was religious. So yeah, I should have ctb-ed already and yet I am still rotting here. In a month I have to start my preparations - book flights, hotels, try to find N, or find SN if I can't find N. Etc. Lately the only thought that's on my mind is - "will I really pull this off??"

Once I book everything and embark on my journey, there will be no such thing as going back. There is nothing and no one to go back to, and I will have spend all my money on the trip. There is no future for me. At least not the kind of future that I would like.

 

[vampire2002]

when i was 19, in late 2021. i nearly did it then. didn't succeed. but i wish i had often. i've been broken beyond repair since what happened that year. not that i wasn't broken before then, but i think that was the point of no return, after what i endured in 2021. it was a total nightmare, but living in limbo since then might just be worse. only still here because it's hard to get the method i want.

 

[Surai]

I should have drowned in that pool but how would I have known until I did. I intended to leave before my graduation in 2021 but I guess I "forgot"

 

[Deviisdreaming-]

I probably should've done it after my assault, because I completely changed after that. Even when I thought I was distraught after being confined to an inhabitable home, beaten by my parents, threatened with homelessness I still had life left in me. Obviously now I don't have much.

 

[pariah80]

I should've done this around age 14 or 15.

 

[willow115]

There are years where I should've closed it out for sure. I pushed and pushed. I was in harsh circumstances but lively and spirited. Life is finally fading out of me.

 

[Bear1234]

I should have ctb'ed a year and 4 months ago when i got hit with this illness.

 

[cryone]

i think the best time was last year when I joined this website. I'm still suffering, but much less that I can't even grasp how I felt last year. life used to be misery 24/7. I should've died then when I felt the most passionate abt death, but I didn't. now, I think I'm stuck in a limbo state with 0 energy to commit to anything.

 

[Death is love]

when i was 14. my mental health was going to shit then and my fate was sealed the second i had my first suicidal thought at that age. i've been dead for 7 years. i wish my body would've just complied with that back then too.

 

[Unknown21]

When i was 14 yo.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

When I went from being a relatively normal (albeit somewhat traumatised) primary school-aged child to severely depressed and suicidal within the same year (so 10 years old). I feel like I exist in a different reality to everyone else. It's almost been a decade since then and things are still rough. I should have just done it then as opposed to watching my life morph into the absolute disaster it is now