Discussion When do you know you've lost all hope

[Deleted member 1465]

I've seen many people in hopeless physical health conditions, continue to hope to improve and get better. the reality for them is quite grim, and the future outlook is even worse.

Maybe you think you can be one of the special few who can make it, survive it, and live to tell the tale about your recovery from it. This kind of thinking is important for survival. But if you don't care about survival, and you want to seek peace in death, it is only an obstacle.

This is true. In a wilderness survival situation the most important thing is having a tough mental attitude. That and having a sharp knife.
Life is the same, but you have to buy into the delusion that everything will be alright in the long run. You kind of have to wilfully deny reality to be such an optimist. Mmmm but then a pessimist would say that!

 

[Jean4]

This is very true.
This is where those that have no understanding would suggest we are selfish.!

And that's when I say to them. No. It is selfless for you not wanting the person to be out of their pain. Because if you truly loved them, your pain is inconsequential. It is more important for them to be out of theirs.

 

[voyager]

For me, it's that at this point nothing anyone says or does matters. The people who think they're helping me are actually not helping me now. They are actually driving me closer to ctb because they won't leave me alone and let me live my own life the way I choose to live it. My SIL thinks she is helping me, but I've told her repeatedly that I don't need her help. Yet, she continues to force her "help" upon me anyway, whether I want it and ask for it or not. That's not my definition of help, that's my definition of trying to run somebody else's life for them because you have no life of your own. The only reason she's leaving me alone right now is because she had surgery on December 30th and she's recovering. I know once she is recovered, it's all going to start up again. I have to be out of here before that happens.
Also, it feels to me like I've heard every comment, suggestion, remedy, etc. for every problem that I have over and over again to the point where I can practically recite them all in my sleep. Everyone has ideas on how I can get over my husband's death, even though they have no clue what my relationship with him was like or how I've been feeling since he died. Everyone has ideas on what I should do about my depression and my thyroid issues, even though nobody has any clue about all the time I've wasted going to one doctor after another for decades and not getting any help.
And everyone makes the same exact simplistic suggestions over and over to you and act like it's something you've never heard before, and it's usually something that anyone with half a brain could've thought of a long time ago. Therefore, on top of having them drone on and on to me with advice that I've already heard over and over again, I also get to be insulted and have it implied that I'm so stupid I couldn't think of something as simple as going to a specialist for my thyroid, or trying this antidepressant or that antidepressant, or why don't you get a dog to distract you from the fact that your husband is dead and your life is shit. Golly, why didn't I think of any of those things?! I must be a complete moron! Oh, that's right, I DID think of those things and I did try some of them and they didn't work.
And I don't want any more distractions or temporary fixes. This time I want a permanent solution to my permanent problems.

Must admit I've fallen into that trap, as well. Not too often I hope. It's not that I think people are idiots, but I feel that there are different stages of depression and experience, imho. Maybe I'm just slow, but it took me ages to figure some things out, not least because I was almost paralysed from the lack of energy and mind fog. And while all advice would've probably been futile, I do wish I had been aware of some of my current regrets back then. Maybe it would've made a difference, or maybe not, but really I'll never find out.

I know you're struggling with your thyroid. I have it, too. It sucks. When my depression started I became a recluse, practically didn't leave the house for five years, and two years after that I finally had a blood test. Unlike you, the supplements have helped me, although they've never fixed the original issue. But I've become far more balanced and it got me over the worst part of depression. That and alcohol. It's also why I believe that many people's mental problems have a very real physical basis, more than just some "bad thoughts".

But I'm also very dependent on them, not least insurance wise. At the moment they're set too low again and I'm noticing it in my mood and toe nails. Sometimes they're too high and I get symptoms similar to a heart attack. Unfortunately though, the treatment came seven years too late, because those were the worst for me and by then the damage had been done. Maybe that's an experience which can help someone.

For what it's worth, I think you shouldn't let yourself be bullied by your SIL even if she supposedly means well, and if you do decide to go, it's probably best when it's your time, not hers.