When did your suicidal thoughts start?

[Fiorella.san]

El mio empezo a los 15, la razon era el incesante bulling que sufria en el colegio, aveces tenia que esconderme en el baño del colegio para que no me pegaran (ahora tengo 22)

Cuando tenia 15años y hasta la actualidad sigo con los pensamientos, tengo 20años

 

[Journeytoletgo]

2007/2008 when I developed physical skin condition

 

[tieiwi]

I was a child!!! I didn't know about suicide or what being suicidal was at that time. I was around 9 praying to god that he would kill me….

 

[ncmxm]

Around 14-15, because I felt very lonely and ugly and hated myself and didn't have any friends I saw my peers partying and going out with friends

 

[Baemo]

Must have been 15 or 16 when I had my first real suicidal thoughts. It has been getting worse ever since.

 

[Thequietone]

Mine started at 15, the reason was the incessant bullying I suffered at school, sometimes I had to hide in the school bathroom so I wouldn't have to be beaten (I'm 22 now)

First with 11. After it started again with 14/15 and now almost 24 still in my head.

 

[wanttodie]

about 20 years a go

 

[forrrest]

Mine started in my teens. Probably 13 or 14. I had a really shitty friend group that talked and treated me like I was an awful person until I believed it. I didn't leave that group for another 2/3 years. Not until they beat the shit out of me for fun. Still hard to shake those thoughts all these years later. They're scarring

 

[fatefulstillness]

I can't really remember. I tried to deny those feelings as hard as I could when they first started, and used a lot of euphemisms to keep it ambiguous to myself. I was very young then, 12, maybe even 9. I faced it with the right words at 16. Understanding it so many years later is haunting. It's still so lonely.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Probably around 13-14. I am 29 now. My first attempt though was at 16. And there were 2 serious attempts and rest half assed! Last serious one was in 2021.My suicidal thoughts were the direct result of all the physical,emotional and mental abuse/tortures I was subjected to and seeing my mother attempting suicide almost every 3-4 months because of her psychopathic husband. So suicide was almost like a natural thing for me. Though the first serious attempt and the failure hence completely changed me forever.

 

[Justsogone]

My first thoughts started to appear when I was 16

 

[Seiba]

Sixteen, in my twenties now.

 

[Dear Agony]

I was 9 when I first considered it, 12 when I made my first plan (didn't go through with it tho, I've never had an official attempt)

 

[downndone2]

After I f#@ked my life completely and lost so much that I loved. Everyday is a nightmare I wake up to all over again!

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I was 8 when I told my parents I didn't want to live anymore.

 

[eyesoftheabyss]

when i was 11. i journal a lot and came across my old journals from then and it made me really sad reading how bad i wanted to die and how it's a different chapter in my life now, but that feeling still lingers

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Passively ever since I can remember, turbocharged once puberty started though.

 

[peepo]

I think it started when I was 9 or 10. That is when I first attempted.

 

[lostangel]

13 but before that I even had pessimistic thoughts.

 

[Gordy99]

I was 13. I don't really remember the reason. I can remember holding a knife to my neck and was prepared to go through with it (not that I would have succeeded). The thoughts passed for a few years and would eventually come back.

 

[Squalo]

I was 6. I was a child.
I was home alone when I saw my mother lying on the floor surrounded by boxes of medicines, she had attempted suicide with psychiatric drugs, it was terrifying and I started crying until I passed out;
the ambulance was called by a neighbor who heard my screams and my mother was hospitalized for a month and survived.
since that terrifying day I want to die.

 

[Death is your gift]

Not sure exactly, but it was during high school years, so around 15.

I was (and still am) convinced that I was "not normal" ...

 

[lmon]

After psychoses/ depression from acid. I was the happiest person in the world before,I really believed that

 

[bloodfallsfirst]

Third grade. I knew it existed from my mom talking about it, and it felt safe. Kicked off again in ninth grade, then again in college

 

[Death_of_a_Phynixx]

My childhood trauma kicked off my misery at 8 years of age. I wanted to exit this realm once I turned 11.

 

[theloserestloser]

Mine started really cringy. I watched the movie "Cyberbully" when I was 14 and I guess that opened my eyes to the possibility. Been almost 9 years of constant obsession ever since.

 

[Murasa]

When I was 14 suicide crossed my mind, I found out I was an "accident", shortly after my disorder was diagnosed, my father reproached me and told me that I was "defective", it doesn't matter how many of his expectations I reach or surpass , that bad string of events resulted in my first attempt... I ended up in a coma and with several fractures, from there things calmed down and everything got better, then at 19 those thoughts returned when and I accidentally contributed to my best friend's death, I ended up trapped in a bad situation, one I couldn't get out of until much later, in an environment that drains me, I'm just tired at this point. When it matters most, I fail, no matter how hard I try. Even to die I suck.

 

[Zelonis]

It all started when I was 8 years old.

 

[DeathToSpiesSMERSH]

I was 13 when I started developing those thoughts, my grandmother passed and it devastated me. Following that I ended up dropping out of school because I just lost the fire that I used to have. More experiences over the years like losing my parents, coming to realise I had an extremely neglectful and dysfunctional upbringing and just facing the fact that I'm not a good person.

It adds up.

 

[mothman._.]

i genuinely don't remember, they have been with me my whole life, literally no cause. i was diagnosed with depression at age 9 and ive just continued to exist with these ideations