When did your suicidal thoughts start?

[SuicideM4n]

Mine started at 15, the reason was the incessant bullying I suffered at school, sometimes I had to hide in the school bathroom so I wouldn't have to be beaten (I'm 22 now)

 

[Sanva]

I think mine started when I was around 12, although back then I didn't really accept them.
I'm sorry you were bullied. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.

 

[stevieu]

When I was 16. After being raped/assaulted and failing all my studies after it - I was never the same person again after all of that. Just a broken shell watching my life unfold from a distance.

 

[willitpass]

i became depressed at 10/11 and became suicidal at 11/12. first attempted at 13. i started self-harming at 10 too. and i've had mental health issues my whole life, starting with terrible anger problems

 

[whatevs]

At late adolescence, around 16, but they weren't serious. Now it's becoming something more tangible.

 

[Wojaczek]

probably around 15-16

 

[allesistgut]

i can't really remember to be totally honest, but i think they first began when i was between 12-13 or so. but my early teenage years are kind of hard to remember and i find it hard to place events (especially during that time) so really not sure.

 

[LionsTigersAndBears]

I first attempted suicide at age 14 when I was homeless in the middle of winter, I made two serious attempts last year. Hopefully, my next attempt will be successful I will have everything I need by next week.

 

[Death is beautiful]

My suicidal thoughts first appeared in March last year, before that I was quite cheerful and didn't think about suicide

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I have never wanted to be alive and even at a young age I found death to be comforting. I could never quite understand people who enjoyed life and wanted to live. I am not meant for this world, I should never have existed in the first place. I think I actually started to properly think of suicide when I was around 12 and I saw things as being very hopeless. Over the years I have wanted to leave this world even more. I am now 21 and I am still here. I am very tired of living and there is no future for me apart from death.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Probably when my parents started to separate when I was around 11 but I think the first real time I definitely wanted to die was when I was around 14.

 

[Beer]

I think I was 14 when I started to think about killing myself, searching methods, etc... Then it stopped for some years and then it came back full force a year and a half ago

 

[absoluteanimal1]

I was 12 years old.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

12-19. Then I got better and the thoughts stopped until I got sick at 32.

 

[olkf]

I first got treated with it around 12

 

[Crazy4u]

between 9 and 11 years old. Hard to remember

 

[onleana]

13 was the first time i thought 'i want to commit suicide'. i was very miserable long before that tho.

 

[Hercules]

I have had suicidal thoughts for 2 years.

 

[LoneMisery]

My father ctb when i was 10 and about 12 it all started

 

[suicidesheep31]

I was 12 or 13 when I attempted first. I was also gently self-harming (just scratching my skin with my nails). Then, I did not think about suicide until i was 17 yold.

After some events, I started self-harming a lot and attempted around twice per week for 2 years. I had a difficult period then and had a treatment.

I felt really better between 25 and 35.
Then, I went in another country and was not able to express myself and my emotions in english. I felt so distant from people around, lonely and it was frustrating. I stopped also the therapy and it went bad again. Now, I have these thoughts since 3 years with ups and downs

 

[GentleJerk]

September last year. With the way my health is deteriorating I'm actually surprised to still be here after xmas. Taking things day by day.

 

[Muse]

I was nine when I started to understand that my life will always be under the sign of abuse.

 

[Nanako]

2018, when my incurable physical condition took root.

 

[freedompass]

I feel bad for a lot of you guys whose ideation started so young. I won't say it was completely absent in my younger years…I mean I had many many episodes of bipolar depression so some thoughts would've been there. But only when I was about to turn 50 did I start kinda obsessing about ctb, researching methods, making plans and obtaining supplies. So I would say. 10 years now

 

[milly]

Since mid 30s. Been about 6 years now. Bipolar depression leered it's ugly head long before since college.

 

[letied]

Well, I had my first attempt (a dumb one, but the intention of dying was there) when I was 5, so pretty early.

 

[Rational man]

About 12 . I was assulted and abused by my family. I planned to jump.from a carpark.roof. I.went on.to live with some happiness but now im physically sick at 36. Ive made new plans.

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

Late 2018

 

[ibrandon23]

I think I first thought about it when I was in middle or high school, not really sure now. Back then, I was taught if you killed yourself you would immediately wake up in Hell, having to eat the devil's ass, or something like that. (Also, burning in fire for eternity.) So I never really got past the fantasizing part, to actual planning, etc...

I started seriously considering not long after graduating college, when I stopped believing in Hell. That was liberating. No longer living in fear of that. So it's been ~15 years or so. Have went through all the different scenarios, and have finally nailed down a solid plan I believe in, which is ready to go at any time. Still here though.

 

[myopybyproxy]

first wanted to disappear or never have existed around 10, first vague thoughts of explicitly wanting to be dead around 13, first thoughts about methods, writing a will etc at 15, first and only attempt - excluding my upcoming success - at 16