When did your depression begin?

[SentimentalTrip]

I've been trying to pinpoint when my depression began. I'm 24 years old and I want to say it started around when I was 16 years old, but honestly I feel like I've always been sort of a melancholy person, even when I was a kid.

When did your depression begin? When did you first begin seriously contemplating suicide?

 

[SoftWorries]

When I was 15 my brother tried to kill me and kill himself. My family, the school and the church all sided with my brother.

And not because they didn't believe it. It was because they all believed it that I started to want to die. It was the looks on their faces when they saw me covered in huge hand bruises and reached their helping out out to him while I was drowning. When they averted their eyes until I convered up and the moment it was out of sight I was out of mind.

Humanity. I have a love hate relationship with it.

 

[LeatherRectangle]

I first remember feeling depressed when I was around 12 years old. I thought a lot about ending my pain over the next few years, but ultimately convinced myself that it was due more to a dysfunctional family situation. Once I left for University and realized that I was just as depressed, I began thinking seriously about suicide.

 

[Ontwon]

13 y/o. I'm 23 now and after trying all that western medicine had to offer, yeah that stuff just doesnt work. I did have a bright spot where I was doing better to the point of even being grateful to be alive when using psychedelics as medicine along with lifestyle changes and deeper inner work but god it's so much fucking work. When I follow through it can feel worth it but the moment I let my guard down it's 10x easier to fall down than stay up.

 

[blacksand]

Early 20s. There's so much focus on teen depression but being in your 20s can be so much more more brutal in so many ways.

 

[Lintaga]

I've been trying to pinpoint when my depression began. I'm 24 years old and I want to say it started around when I was 16 years old, but honestly I feel like I've always been sort of a melancholy person, even when I was a kid.

When did your depression begin? When did you first begin seriously contemplating suicide?

began self injuring at a very young age and was suicidal by 13. im 28 now and miserable. so many red flags throughout my life, and no one wanted to try to actually help me.

 

[juxtajuno]

somewhere between 12-13. i can't remember very much of my childhood before that point, probably for good reason. i stopped being able to focus in school and started self-harming, coupled with being raped at that age as well. after 13 i spiraled into the pathetic mess i am now.

 

[OceanBlue]

Traumatized from birth. First noticed the trauma at around 12, already wanted to ctb at 16.

My story is quite typical. As many others here, I was taught that I am worthless and all the other issues arose from that. Now I understand what was going on, but I still haven't unlearned everything. I guess I can say I tried to live to see if it 'gets better' and for me it got even worse , I developed more health issues, experienced domestic violence, had to work, be around normal people. Completely not worth it, hoping I'll brave up this time, save myself from more trouble.

 

[Bobert_Beniro]

Probably like many here, at the age of 13-14. First attempt at ctb at age 15, second at 17. Well, on the other hand, it's easier for me to come to terms with death than for people who have experienced depression in their 30s or 40s, because I initially didn't have a normal life and I don't know and will never know what it's like to be truly happy

 

[leloyon]

Good question. Both of my parents have clinical depression, so it is possible I have been depressed for all my life. I have felt this way for as long as I can remember, at least. I remember writing a suicide note when I was a kid, and I moved out of the house I was living in at the time when I was ten years old, so at least before ten years old.
Then again, I suffered from neglect as a child due to both of my parents being depressed. It is an interesting question as to whether I was depressed from the beginning due to genetics, or just extremely at risk of developing it and the neglect was the catalyst.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

When I realized how much better it would be for me if I was the opposite sex.

 

[Ms nobody]

I think it was around age 14
I don't know why ,but I became increasingly pessimistic and nihilistic and the idea of leaving this world started to become a serious option even though everything in my life was pretty normal
Sometimes I fell guilty about complaining since I have no reason to

 

[The anhedonic one]

Mine began around age 7. This was due to the fact that I had a narcissistic bitch cunt Mother, and a nasty, utterly revolting, Stepfather. Lucky me. My cup runneth over.

 

[Torabol]

Probably around 9

 

[ThroughTheLight]

I think my depression and consideration of suicide began when I was nearly 17, for no discernible reason. I started self harming at that time too, (mainly out of curiosity as to why people did it) which I deeply regret, as I'm addicted now. I also started to look into nihilism, which really resonated with me.

 

[WaffleWoman]

around the start middle school, Lost all my friends due to different schools and was bullied for my appearance and the things i liked to be fair i wasn't always the most happy before that but that's when things started getting worse. It only got worse when i realized i was transgender at that point i decided one day i was going to ctb as i will never be the gender i wish to be

 

[spøgelse]

10? 9? No idea, but I remember day dreaming about killing myself in my 2nd grade elementary school classroom.

 

[woh6]

I'd say in my early teen years, about 11/12. But when I was around 9, I was already dealing with difficult emotions and self-harmed.

 

[esthe]

I've been trying to pinpoint when my depression began. I'm 24 years old and I want to say it started around when I was 16 years old, but honestly I feel like I've always been sort of a melancholy person, even when I was a kid.

When did your depression begin? When did you first begin seriously contemplating suicide?

During middle school, when I was 12/13 years old.
There had been many problems before that, such as family issues, bullying, and the sudden loss of the only person I considered to be my best and closest friend when I was 8, yet until middle school I had always been quite a cheery child, at least my relatives remember me like that.
But then everything started to spiral down because of many reasons, and after a long period of self-harm, I tried to ctb, failing. Seven years have passed and from that period on, suicide has often been on my mind; I tried to end it other times, failing again, and now I'm taking my time to plan everything carefully in order to go peacefully and hurt as few people as possible (by writing letters and explain everything to them thoroughly).

 

[Escapee]

It terrifies me how people spell or say the word depression easily. Is there anything worse than that thing.
Btw it has a degree of severity the worst kind of depression such as the one I am going through I don't wish it to happen in the history of mankind again. I have no words to describe it. it is like supernatural force threatening to take everything away from you in a few seconds. It gives you no option. It gives you no time. It gives you no space. It even deny you a few moments to leave you so that you can immediately go and kill your self.

Those who lived with it know what it is like. When it hit you hard at that moment you literally can't think about anything else. Heaven, hell, family, anything all you can think about is immediately go and kill your self to escape from that thing. I can't describe it with words.

At moment like this it makes me want to go to a nearby soldier camp and fall on one of them feet and beg to shoot me in the head and relieve me.

But it is a great blessing to me that I am going to escape it forever in a few days.

But i can't stop the tears coming out from my heart when I think of those who are forced to keep on living like this.

Depression is the worst thing that can happen to a human being.

 

[charlotte_]

If I remember correctly then it's around when I was 13. I've had symptoms before that but I could only give it a name at that age (exposed to internet lol). Life had been a real struggle since then.

 

[Anonymus]

I've never been diagnosed with it, in fact I've always been told I don't have it. I have sadness, adjustment disorder, anhedonia,... but no depression.
I recently realized this fact.

//

No me l'han diagnosticat mai, de fet m'han dit sempre que no en tinc. Tinc tristesa, trastorn adaptatiu, anhedonia,... però depressió no.
Me n'he adonat fa poc d'aquest fet.

 

[whatevs]

2011, when my health plunged and never really recovered.

 

[AresCohere]

I used to say it began around when I was 15/16 but looking into it, it was likely closer to when I was around 10 even. Contemplating suicide however is a much more recent thing, starting, at the earliest, about a year ago.

 

[FuneralCry]

Wanting to die certainly isn't an "illness" or something abnormal, my wish to die isn't "depression", as the fact is that existing just isn't for me and I prefer the sound of being unable to suffer for all eternity. Existence in itself is the true problem and it's something that repulses me, wanting to delay the inevitable in this hellish reality is absurd to me. To me existence could never be a desirable state and it makes so much sense to despise existing here, I know that I've never wished to exist at all. It just shows the lack of awareness humans have when they label hating existence as being an "illness", it's perfectly rational wanting suicide in this world.

 

[fatraccoon]

12 y/o. i remember being so upset about everything. i thought it was teenage hormones or something but i guess not lol. my depression persisted and here i am. guess it was the family dysfunction that caused my depression, i think. there are a lot of things i dont remember from my childhood.

 

[hag]

My depression started when I was 4

 

[inmyhead]

I think I've always had depression of some kind. I was 11 when I first tried to kill myself and started SHing. I am 31 now. It's not better and I just want to go.

 

[-Tandem-]

I was 12 when I knew something was seriously wrong with me. I never wanted to talk to anyone about adoption, abandonment issues or anything because I was afraid I would get diagnosed as a lunatic or something. 12 I became incredibly unhappy with myself and knew I wanted to kill myself and I've just been putting it off ever since.

I turn 33 next week and though I've matured a whole lot I still don't feel like I belong anywhere. I still feel like I did when I was 12. An extremely deep feeling of anxiety and discomfort. I genuinely don't believe everyone is born for a reason. I don't believe I'm supposed to be here.

 

[someone.somewhere]

I've always had a hard time pinpointing when mine started, I just remember feeling "off" most of the time, and always anxious as a kid.
I started SH when I was around 12 and had my first attempts by 13, now I'm soon to be 25.