When did suicide become a real option for you?

[maketner]

Thought on and off for decades... but only became fairly real a little over a year ago... then became very real last month when I made my first attempt... but I failed... and a string of events happened out of my control... and now I feel lost. I don't know what to do anymore. I had a plan that was going to take me away from everything, and it didn't work. So, there is no more plan... but the world is crumbling around me, slowly but surely, and building to a devastating crescendo very soon. I wish my attempt had succeeded... but I don't know if I can do it again or come up with another method to even consider. I am a failure at failing now, and that's hard to move on from... in any direction.

I'm sorry to hear of your failed attempt.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

ive had small passive suicidal thoughts for years, but i didnt actually start seriously considering it until last september when i went to my sister's wedding and saw how happy everyone's lives were compared to mine.

My though process after that was if i wasnt able to find a job before i would have to leave job corps, id ctb. and a few weeks ago i got rejected from probably my 100th interview and my separation date is december 5th, so ive decided I'm gonna go through with it

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Honestly, I can't place a date to it; I think it may have lingered in the back of my mind for many years.

 

[AntarusDragon]

are you a bot or a real person? I'm so confused. I keep on seeing the same comments over and over and over.

same, i think he bot.

 

[FoxSauce]

From a lithium and Ssri withdrawal (those are the worst)

Was so depressed I started write letters, I still have the letter unwritten somewhere. Idk if that counts...?

 

[idiotmother]

When I was forced onto the risperidone after having protracted withdrawal from Effexor. And now on seroquel. The meds have made me more suicidal but my body can't handle tapering them. I'm completely stuck. Suicide is all I think about. Trying to hang on for a little bit for my family but idk if i can, it's so damn sad.

 

[FoxSauce]

When I was forced onto the risperidone after having protracted withdrawal from Effexor. And now on seroquel. The meds have made me more suicidal but my body can't handle tapering them. I'm completely stuck. Suicide is all I think about. Trying to hang on for a little bit for my family but idk if i can, it's so damn sad.

Damn dude...sounds awful. Effesor withdrawals are the worst

 

[SarahThrowsGin]

It became real option for the first time when I was forced (by my parents) to go off HRT after 1 year on HRT. But I've discovered there is no limits to suffering, it would keep becoming even more realest option the more injustice I experienced.

 

[Bismillah6925]

I've been unhappy since I was 8, depressed since I was 13, suicidal since I was 19, and attempt daily at 28 during COVID. I yearn for death at 33. I probably will die by suicide, so there's no hope for me.

 

[lemonandcapers]

The moment I realized that society does not want disabled people to live, and no one really gives a shit about us.

 

[Namelesa Graves]

Technically its never really been option for me since my first suicide attempt (where I tried to run away from family to get to top of a building to jump from but they catched up to me) cus of lack of methods due to not being able to buy stuff for it or go outside on my own cus of my parents trapping me home.

 

[BlockHammer]

Well i've been thinking about it since 2023, currently it's my assurance, meaning that i want to take it if i cant do anything anymore to improve my life, but right now i still want to fight.

The problem though is that i had a hard time to determine when my life is actually not worth living

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Suicide has always been an option. However, I've not been suicidal for most of my life and didn't even think of ending up suicidal.

When it was clear that I failed in life and the chances of recovering from that were 0, it was immediately clear to me to prepare, bc such a life isn't worth living anymore.

 

[shylady222]

It started about 3 years ago for me but it became something I want to do and will attempt a few months ago. What I mean is when I started having thoughts, I would push it aside, force myself to stop "thinking like that" etc. but this year that changed, nothing drastic happened I just got tired of the constant pain I was in from trying to survive in life. Then I started questioning what/who exactly was I living for and couldn't come up with anyone or any reason to live not even for myself and I was ok with that realization (if that makes sense) then without realizing it I started researching, which then lead to me putting a plan into place, writing my suicide letter, setting a date etc.

 

[Jun123]

Back when I was kid (around ten years old) I first started having thoughts and wishes that I never existed in the first place or that some car would just crash into me and end it, but I never wanted to do it myself because of what the people I leave behind mind think and that it would hurt them more, knowing I did it myself. But reguardless since a couple of months ago CTB has become the only thing I really want to do

 

[slowlydyinginside]

It has been a thought since I was in my teens. But I've always been too afraid. Partly afraid of dying but mostly afraid of failing. The past few months have been different. Its been during this time I've actively been considering and planning. I'm only mildly afraid of death now, if at all. And I'm going to plan enough where failure will not be an option.

 

[OnceTheHappiestMan]

First time I can say, for sure, I had REAL, and with that I don't mean fantasies of "what could happen if", but really losing all hope and planning how to do it up to getting to a "soft attempt", would be when I was around 21 years old, I recovered and live a life for another +20 years. Recently, I've been having thoughts again. Now I guess I'm wiser, let's see what that means

 

[HansaNull]

I've had suicidal thoughts since i was around 16y, but fought against them. In my head suicide always was the 'cowards way out' up until a couple of years ago. I went totally numb to living, getting extreme suicidal ideations and started drinking (sober for 5mths). Since then i've had the feeling of being alone, up until i found this site. My view on suicide has completely changed.

 

[ih34rty0u]

when i got so triggered by my "best friend" that i finally ordered and acquired SN

 

[blooming]

When I realized that life is constantly and consistently getting worse, not better. I feel my patience wearing thin with life more and more each day.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Since I was a child

 

[zombiegirl]

i was 11 when i first thought about it, but back then it was more a cry for help. 15 was the age i actually decided i could do it if i had to, but i didn't really overcome the fear of death until my early 20s, which had put a screw in all my previous attempts

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

14, a year after the pain started, it was a lot harder to see anthing then but I guess I hadn't become a failure yet

 

[°opulentGambler°]

The thought of doing it started crossing my mind back in middle school, but the first time I truly considered it was after a particularly bad argument with my mother a few years ago, also the first time I made any action towards ctb. I've only actively sought out methods this year.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

This year. There's been a lot of times through my life where I thought not existing would be better than living, I've been in states of passive suicidal ideation before, but it was only this year that the option registered in my head. This year was when I started researching it, discovering methods, buying resources, and preparing for my death.

 

[Remy_is_tired]

I genuinely never actually considered suicide because I had a real fear of dying. I did say I wish i didn't exist and stuff but genuinely considering it? Really not.

But I've been crashing so much lately and I kept worrying about the future. Then i remembered that I don't have to endure this. I don't have to do this for years and years. It's a quiet shift but very real for me.

Now I'm curious when did it actually become a real option for you?l

ive also been "suicidal" for almost all my life. they were the same "i dont want to exist but im not gonna kill myself yk thats crazy!" thoughts.

im kind of religious and in mine, prepubescent children cant go to hell. So id always jsut be like "fuck i wish id killed myself when i was 7"

i dont know what happened this year but suicide just became so real for me. i guess i had the sane realisation as you; i dont *have* to keep going.

haha guess were quite similar

 

[merlinscries]

When I realized that I have at least one disability that will never go away and that living as a disabled person in this kind of society is hell. That being "different from the others" means "you will be never enough, never supported adequately and always be misunderstood/misjudged or thought of as annoying."
The worst is, my disability includes the struggle to empathize despite me having plenty of compassion for those who suffer.

I am one step away from suicide.

 

[life_is_tuff]

I never considered it till 2022 when I started having ocd & insomnia. The first couple of months were really tough. I've had ups and downs but it's been mostly down since the start of 2025. Really considering it right now. I already have SN. Im supposed to see this new psychiatrist, if things don't get better I might just go and CTB. I don't see myself living like this all my life

 

[Sprite_Geist]

In my late teens and early 20's; a part of me regrets not going through with the original plan: dying when I reached my mid-20's.

 

[Chemi]

Seeing my childhood friend do it was a rather devastating but inspiring influence