T
Thingsneverchange
Death is my friend
- Sep 23, 2021
- 110
I'll go first. I feel guilty for the death of a friend of mine. I feel like if I had just been there for her more I could have saved her.
What about you?
What about you?
Did they do it? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortableI regret telling someone to kill themselves in a rush of anger many years ago. I wish I could take that back. I don't experience guilt very often.
Same. I had a very close friend on here but I was always busy trying to do something productive with my life and never had enough time for him. Now I've given up on my life completely and all I wish is to have him back and play another game with him and fool around. Good memories... It's the only valuable realtionship I've ever had and I was so reckless and took it for granted.Mine's not failing to have saved someone but failing to have made their life better while they were still here.
There's a lot of truth to the saying that you feel more regret about things you didn't do than the things you did. I've never turned down an opportunity to do something that excited me, and even for the things that turned out poorly I feel disappointment but not regret. When you reflect on it later you realise that you handled in a way that is essentially yours and there was really nothing different you could or would have done from your own first-person perspective, even if the hindsight-observer-you can come up with a long list of more "rational" options.My life has been extremely eventful, I have to give it that.
If such a thing is possible, I think I don't feel regret, but I do feel guilt. His wife actually thanked me about five years after his death; she'd started a family with a decent guy. If he hadn't killed himself, I'm sure he would have weaseled his way back into my life. There's no way I would've been able to resist him, he was a truly shameless whore immune to physical pain. He was vain af, so he would still be in shape in his 40s, eager to fuck with my poor head.There's a lot of truth to the saying that you feel more regret about things you didn't do than the things you did. I've never turned down an opportunity to do something that excited me, and even for the things that turned out poorly I feel disappointment but not regret. When you reflect on it later you realise that you handled in a way that is essentially yours and there was really nothing different you could or would have done from your own first-person perspective, even if the hindsight-observer-you can come up with a long list of more "rational" options.
I do agree with @Makko. Doing things the way you did, and not in any other way, is a mitigating circumstance that lessens the culpability you may feel about your act. What I wrote back there is not entirely true, or at least it's not complete. While I do feel tremendous regret for doing what I did, I also see (and always did) that there could have been no other way for me to act in that exact set of circumstances, with the exact same mindset I possessed at that exact moment in time. As one friend pointed out to me: "You tried to do what you thought was best for you." On some level I am aware I'm not the one to blame. I followed my inclinations and was true to myself. Consequences didn't dictate my course of action.When you reflect on it later you realise that you handled in a way that is essentially yours and there was really nothing different you could or would have done from your own first-person perspective, even if the hindsight-observer-you can come up with a long list of more "rational" options.
My life has been extremely eventful, I have to give it that.
I'm obviously a very different type of person than you two. My life has not been eventful nor have I embraced many opportunities to fulfill my desires. I've been a coward, hiding, most of my life.I've never turned down an opportunity to do something that excited me
My life would read more as a Beckettian novel, full of repeting phrases and actions, contrast conjunctions, nondescript and surreal settings, non-sequiturs and talking to imaginary audiences, almost as a form of seeking approval for my own actions by a kind of standardized model of what a normal person is.If I read a novel about my life, I'd dismiss it as laughably over-the-top & contrived. Truth is more disgusting than fiction...
I don't know which is worse. To have many things, progressively increasing the danger of being hurt, or to have nothing and be forced to imagine them, regressing into a safe, shapeless world without excitment.I'm reminded of that Chinese curse - "May you live in interesting/eventful times!"
I'm obviously a very different type of person than you two. My life has not been eventful nor have I embraced many opportunities to fulfill my desires. I've been a coward, hiding, most of my life.
My life would read more as a Beckettian novel, full of repeting phrases and actions, contrast conjunctions, nondescript settings, non-sequiturs and talking to imaginary audiences, almost as a form of seeking approval for my own actions by a kind of standardized model of what a normal person is.
No.Did they do it? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable
I look & sound & act like a "real"/"masculine" man, everybody treats me like a "real" man, why the fuck can't I feel like one? How many people do I have to fuck?
First off, good morning :)When do I get to stop feeling like a helpless, brutalized boy?
I should probably just shut up & be grateful that I've stumbled upon a guy I can cry with. It's highly improbable that we'll save each other, but it feels good to take care of someone.However improbable it may be, I hope you find a way out of this loop.
I think you should shut up about shutting up After all this heavy, thought-provoking introspective diving into a beastiary of personal demons you're guilt tripping about talking. You did that once before, you know? Something about not wanting to seem boastful for having found someone, as to not hurt our feelings.I should probably just shut up & be grateful that I've stumbled upon a guy I can cry with. It's highly improbable that we'll save each other, but it feels good to take care of someone.