this is my take on it, feel free to disagree ofc.
find something that matters, where you don't feel this nothingness in pursuing this something. everyone has something that matters, that they'd love to do. find something with meaning, give you're life meaning again, so you aren't filled with this nothingness while in pursuit.
for example, you talk about how a time in you're life, you wanted pets, you wanted to afford you're own house for you and you're pets, you wanted to feel well enough for a job. then asked "what's the point of you wanting that it's pointless". well, to me, it seems you have a strong connection with pets. perhaps pursuing something with that in a creative way? who knows? would you say you're pets give you meaning? and seeing them flourish and being with them gives you this feeling of being happy enough to want a job, care for them and yourself together through finding a house, etc. all of this isn't pointless, you asked or wished for those things cause they made you whole, they gave you're life some sort of meaning.
then going back to the distractions. distractions won't help you get better significantly. they'll obviously help you in placing you're focus on something other than negativity temporarily, where you'll feel this enjoyment, excitement when you're in the mood when playing video games. but right after you're done, you're probably like me and you just stare at the ceiling feeling hopeless, empty and even more sadder like what am i doing with my life. imo, there has to be more to just distractions and the type of distractions you engage in. for ex, a distraction like video games (which is what i also did 24/7 and i've changed slowly) isn't a step in making you get better, it won't help you in this process of recovery. on the other hand, a coping mechanism like let's say venting for some people and letting out and understanding their emotions on a deeper and critical level, going to the gym for self-improvement for the sake of valuing yourself again, boxing or something that forces you to release these emotions bottled up inside of you, art and drawing or writing. to me, these are healthy distractions that would help temporarily in making you feel valued, worthy and give life some sort of meaning, as it directly impacts you in more of a postive way than video games would for example.
but again, distractions only do so much, there a foundational piece in getting better, but they aren't some major key to recovering. it's doing more than just distractions, and you can only do more by taking that first step, whether it's going back to school, finding a job again, connecting with people, pursuing what matters to you and what's meaningful to you. and it's hard to find what's meaningful, something that matters in life all over again and, honestly, i don't think i've ever taken that first step properly, and it's scary and it's so hard doing it alone.
honestly you're probably gonna think this post isn't useful and meaningless anyway, but i'm hoping it somehow affects you in a positive way. sorry if it doesn't; and whether it does or doesn't, i hope you still find peace in this life or the next.
