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Some place nice

Some place nice

This world makes me sick
Oct 18, 2023
381
My mom was picking me up from ballet camp, we were talking about my future. I told her that I didn't know what I wanted to do when I get older. "That's ok, I've lost hope in you girls going to collage anyways." Than begun to explain why none if us were going to collage. Mind you, this was the summer before I went to high school. My sister was trying to find a training school so she could get certified faster. My second sister dropped out of high school and was getting her GED. And I wasn't even in high school yet.
 
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puella

puella

she/they
Oct 5, 2023
268
My dad yelled at my mom in front of me, saying "If you would have let me be tough on him, he wouldn't have turned out this way."

My mom would sometimes try to stop my dad from hitting me as a kid. She would take me to my grandma's house when it got really bad. My dad thinks physical abuse is how you should discipline a child; he thinks my mom protecting me and caring for me made me weak. He thinks that's the reason why I dropped out, why I have anxiety and depression, and why I am transgender.

I suppose worse things have been said to me, but that one hurt the most.
 
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P

Photographer Fizzle

Member
Nov 18, 2023
36
So many awful things. Similar vein. Same source. Assertions of my supposed inadequacy and ineptitude. Trying to intellectualize doesn't dull the pain. It hurt then. It hurts even worse now that it seems she was right.
 
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Unsure and Useless

Unsure and Useless

Drifting Aimlessly without Roots
Feb 7, 2023
212
When I was in high school, my mom and I got into an argument like we always did. I don’t know exactly what we were arguing about, but I know it got heated because she kept talking over me and wouldn’t listen to me no matter how many times I reworded what I was saying.

Eventually, it got to the point where I was so frustrated I was screaming and crying because she wouldn’t listen to me.

And then she said, “You know, [Marigold], when I was in that car accident, I wish I just died. That way I wouldn’t have to come home to this and deal with you. I wish God would just take me now.”

I knew my mom didn’t love me like a mother should. I knew that my mom regretted giving birth to me. It just hurt to know that I made her want to her die.
 
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ForeverBroken

ForeverBroken

Member
Jun 17, 2023
85
I have 2 things. When I was a teen, my mom was casually talking to me and stated that she never wanted me. And not too long ago, my youngest son said that I need to stay out of his life. So between not being wanted as a daughter and also as a mother, I freaking hate myself. Didn’t realize that I was that terrible of a person. Hence, why I will probably ctb sooner rather than later.
 
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Y

Yuna is My Waifu

Member
Nov 19, 2023
46
For me it was probably death by a thousand cuts, constant daily abuse from school rather then 1 big moment.

1 day i told my dad i had something important to tell him and then he asked me if i was gay. That was more embarrassing and shameful rather then painful though.
 
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sxixl.

sxixl.

Numb
Sep 22, 2023
9
Post break up she sent me a song called I wish I never met you by babygirl and it’s about wishing you never met someone in your life because now you’ll always be trying to replace them. She then blocked me on everything and I asked if she still meant that song when I had another opportunity to talk to her and she said no and I breakdown thinking about it alot - W
 
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T

thot88

Member
Apr 11, 2023
62
My sister said that "you will never find yourself a woman". This happened when I am sexually deviant and unable to have normal sexual intercourse with a woman. But I feel an emotional pull to women.

My family doesn't know about this, but sometimes they wonder when I have a partner. But saying that felt really bad
 
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TimetoGo!

TimetoGo!

Arcanist
Aug 30, 2022
463
My wife said to me just last week that I am too much of a coward to commit suicide.

I will 100% prove her wrong and she has no idea how close its been. Once I am completely certain my method will work and no one will interrupt me, it will happen and I hope she remembers those words for the rest of her life
 
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traumer

traumer

tormented dreams, she stays awake
Nov 18, 2023
50
yesterday mom said "i never thought someone could look as disgusting as you. you're such a failure" because i was smoking (i live in middle east so everything is a taboo here lol)
 
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Spiritual survivor

Spiritual survivor

A born again but occasionally suicidal
Feb 13, 2022
451
I used to get told I was dumb as a kid a lot by my mom and little brother. I was the rejected kid or scapegoat in the family. It was very damaging because I assumed they were right so I thought that I was doomed in life thinking I had low IQ. It wasn’t true but it shaped my teens and 20’s until I figured out it might be disability.
 
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B

BlazingBob

Specialist
Oct 28, 2021
354
"I left your mother because of you damn kids!", my dad. Quite a swell guy. The damage he's left in his wake is incalculable yet he goes on his merry way and is doing just great while his victims pay for his crimes. Injustice and lack of karma are among many of the reasons I want to ctb, but I digress.
 
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Spiritual survivor

Spiritual survivor

A born again but occasionally suicidal
Feb 13, 2022
451
"I left your mother because of you damn kids!", my dad. Quite a swell guy. The damage he's left in his wake is incalculable yet he goes on his merry way and is doing just great while his victims pay for his crimes. Injustice and lack of karma are among many of the reasons I want to ctb, but I digress.
Sounds like your dad was a narcissist or an otherwise toxic personality type. Unfortunately in the mind of the narcissist they don’t see their fault in it. They can’t introspect, self reflect, or be accountable for anything they did wrong. They lack empathy.
 
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en-bat-y

en-bat-y

Member
Nov 4, 2023
21
so many things... as long as i can remember my mom and a little later her ex-bf/roommate would talk about how we should just die. We were all poor, disabled, traumatized, and kinda just abandoned by society in a way. My mom would tell little 5-year-old me "let's go jump off a bridge". She'd tell me how she might die on the way to work. Even when i could go to school sometimes i couldn't focus because i'd think she'd never come back. She got so sick of my health issues she tried to end it at one point. "It's probably good your brother was a miscarriage, with my luck he woulda been gay" that hurt, i wanted my brother and i'm queer too. She started saying things were my fault, that i was dangerous, that i was gonna be killed or kill others whether by accident or on purpose. Near the end she started saying how i would kill her someday. It's like all three of us were wondering who was gonna be the one to kill the other two. i left, she died of medical neglect for easily treatable conditions. i'm not mad anymore about the situation, she got a really bad deal in her life and i believe she's done her recovery in the afterlife so parts of me can love her again. I'm really scared i'll pass away like she did, in a home i hate, sick and miserable, with no one to help me. I've tried really hard to escape her fate and that of my much older sister, i've tried to do the right things but alot of times i feel like it's impossible. The abyss in my dreams that kept trying to pull me in only spoke once but it said "you can't escape me forever", it's been awhile but i haven't escaped it yet i don't think. i was also told that there's nowhere in the world for me, that no one can help me, that i'm a liar, that i'm not trying, that everything's my fault, that others in my situation would kill themselves... that someone i care about getting a likely deadly illness was my fault because "none of this ever happened before you got here" and "if he dies it's because of you". gaslighting denial of reality leading to major issues was super triggering. And what wasn't supposed to be but has felt like a final "Goodbye" from someone important. idk where i picked it up but "Pathetic" has been a reoccurring word in my painful thoughts, it's the core of how i've felt about myself with all the trauma and ablism and the world just being the terrible place it is. i'm so overwhelmed and tired.
 
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Rhizomorph1

Rhizomorph1

Rest in natural great peace, this exhausted mind
Oct 24, 2023
156
"I hate you" it was my ex girlfriend and the way she said it during a moment where I was completely vulnerable and begging her to just be open and communicative stuck with me to this day.

We were in love but she was very angry
 
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loser098

loser098

Member
Nov 16, 2023
50
"we're just friends"

After almost 6 months of almost daily flirting/reassuring me of how special I am, she stops chatting for a little over two weeks and I wait patiently for her. Surprise. She replaced me, and then I'm blocked everywhere without a satisfying explanation. She was behaving strangely and morphed me into an evil guy in her mind somehow, despite me not doing anything wrong. It's like I meant nothing to her now. A switch went off and I don't know why.

Admittedly, I responded to all of this by doing something very shitty. I recognize that it was a mistake, but it probably pushed her away for good.

It's wild, the things people will do to justify trashing you to be with someone else. Even making up lies. I don't recognize her anymore.

Safe to say, I'm distraught, which is stupid because we don't even know each other irl. Though, we were supposed to meet soon. I reached my lowest about a week ago. Deep down, I'm hoping she'll come back and fix this. If weeks turn to months and months to half a year, I'll lose it. My heart is pounding as I type this; the last thing I want is to lose her forever, and I don't want to be forgotten.

The worst part is that she's probably happier than ever with someone else. If she doesn't come back soon, I'll have no reason left to live; CTB is my only choice.

For fuck's sake, come back soon.
 
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B

BlazingBob

Specialist
Oct 28, 2021
354
Sounds like your dad was a narcissist or an otherwise toxic personality type. Unfortunately in the mind of the narcissist they don’t see their fault in it. They can’t introspect, self reflect, or be accountable for anything they did wrong. They lack empathy.
He's a violent alcoholic malignant narcissist. And my mom did nothing to defend my brothers and I from the horrific physical and mental abuse because she liked having money, and just didn't give a 💩. She's not much better unfortunately. Both are pathological liars. Lacking empathy is an understatement. How two parents could have such hostility and disdain for their children is beyond me. How a grown man could beat the living shit out of a defenseless child is also beyond me. I'm sure my dad will be thrilled and probably even gloat when he hears about my ctb.
 
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