Discussion What's the closest you've been to succeeding?

[pinstripe]

What was your experience like? What got in the way? Think you'll try it the same way again?

 

[chronicdissosiation]

i still remember the day i attempted. it was two years ago, august eighth. i attempted partial suspension hanging, where my trachea remained unblocked to prevent si from kicking in. it took me forever to figure out the proper position and mechanisms, but i got there eventually! i had placed two backpack straps together and tightened one around my neck. it was pure euphoria in the moment, not the type you receive from drugs, it was a more vivid feeling. i felt my whole world slowing down, like i was zoning out. i revisited my trauma, my reasons to ctb, and before i knew it, it felt like i came back to earth. i could barely bring myself to get free from the makeshift noose i created, but i did, and to this day, it has been my biggest regret ever. i definitely think ill try again, but it is incredibly tricky. it took me a really long time to get the right position, and even then, it was pure luck.

 

[Ashu]

My last of five attempts, thirty years ago. I put everything I had into that one, and still failed, so I gave up.

 

[sla_porra22]

I think it was this year that I first learned about ligature strangulation. I was doing some tests to find the exact spot on my neck. It worked. I found the spot. However, I hadn't yet learned how to tie the knots, so the moment I lost consciousness they came undone and I regained consciousness immediately. I hate the fact that I was never able to recreate that effect with such mastery again.

 

[FuneralCry]

I haven't properly attempted as after all I'm so cruelly denied the option to never suffer in this torturous, painful and dreadful existence ever again, there truly is so much cruelty in how I cannot just choose to peacefully cease existing so finally I can be at peace from this existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake that only ever tortures existing beings with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, I'll just always see existence as the problem, I just want this torturous, dreadful existence to be all gone and forgotten for me.

 

[burninghill]

Back in November, I was laying with my torso over the rails laid on my side (not an ideal position) and I was there for about 3 minutes just telling myself that all I needed to do was to sit still, but I started to get scared of what would happen to me after death and the (im)possibility of seeing the underside of the train.

In short, I just got scared and pussied out haha. Regret it to this day. I've never had a fear of death before but your body will do whatever it takes to keep you alive.