What's stopping you from fully committing suicide?

[femcelloser]

For me. I think it's just some innate fear if death? I see 0 point in staying. I've been trying to wrap my head around reasons to live for 7 years with no luck. I'm just scared? I think? It might be petty but I also don't want to miss out on games and shows I've been waiting on. I mean I can't be one of those suckers that die before Luffy finds the One Piece (lol)

I'm just curious on what keeps y'all going

 

[atre]

I don't want to attempt at my parents house, because it poses a real risk of getting caught (and I don't even want to imagine the awkward moments/conversations if I fail. So I feel like I have to wait until I'm financially stable enough to be able to rent an apartment.

 

[femcelloser]

I don't want to attempt at my parents house, because it poses a real risk of getting caught (and I don't even want to imagine the awkward moments/conversations if I fail. So I feel like I have to wait until I'm financially stable enough to be able to rent an apartment.

Oh yeah I can see that. My last attempt was at my parents house and they found me tweaking off Xanax. Not a fun conversation lol...

 

[resurgence]

failure, loved ones, my cats, fear of suffering in my last moments
the main #1 thing is honestly the fact that i cant do that to my mom. im pretty much all she has left, and being absolutely insane as a teenager in and out of hospitals and wards, shes traumatized from seeing me lose my mind, almost die, hurting myself.
i think the failure right now is only because i dont want to see her upset, i live with her, she would find me. she already found her mother. i cant even go anywhere either bc i am effectively a shut in who has been depressed for most of her life, so like that would be fairly obvious
also, one of my cats has had a pretty rough life, and she is bonded to me in a way no animal has ever been bonded to me. i cant leave her either, i cant and dont wanna do that to her

i think i can suffer a little longer so i dont bring more suffering into the world when there didnt have to be.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

A pain free, quick, guaranteed result method.
That's literally it.

 

[Tonic_Secrecy]

For me. I think it's just some innate fear if death? I see 0 point in staying. I've been trying to wrap my head around reasons to live for 7 years with no luck. I'm just scared? I think? It might be petty but I also don't want to miss out on games and shows I've been waiting on. I mean I can't be one of those suckers that die before Luffy finds the One Piece (lol)

I'm just curious on what keeps y'all going

well rn It's purely cause Im having trouble ordering SN I would 100% do it immediately the second I get my SN.

 

[NonEssential]

I fear failing the attempt and I'm not yet ready to leave my family just yet.

 

[hypervigilance]

Money. Lack of mammon is stopping me, for now. I am determined however. A bit of side work and I'll have enough. 15lb bag of Royal Oak lump charcoal and two small weber-style grills. I'm broke for now but it's doable if I'm patient and persistent. The patience part is tough for me lately, I want to CTB TODAY and every day I wake up in this world.

 

[Richard Langford]

A pain free, quick, guaranteed result method.
That's literally it.

What I'm working on and a family matter.

 

[loveable_lamb]

For me. I think it's just some innate fear if death? I see 0 point in staying. I've been trying to wrap my head around reasons to live for 7 years with no luck. I'm just scared? I think? It might be petty but I also don't want to miss out on games and shows I've been waiting on. I mean I can't be one of those suckers that die before Luffy finds the One Piece (lol)

I'm just curious on what keeps y'all going

I think for me it's also just the fear of death. Not that I think something bad is awaiting me, but it's just the irreversibility of it. I did write in my journal somewhere that I think ctb is similar to the feeling right before getting your blood drawn/pierced. You know you signed up for it, it is gonna happen, the only thing you can do is just take deep breaths and it'll soon be over.

And yeah, the guilt towards the loved ones I'm leaving behind in agony is immense.

 

[ringo99]

Tying up financial loose ends. My country is a bureaucratic hellhole. I want my dependents to be able to access the assets I'll leave behind with as little hassle as possible

 

[max_vader2]

My two kids. They need me. I'll know they'll never recover from losing me.

Shit... I'm the only one in their life that actually tries to make their life happy. I must represent 90% of the recreational time they spend with people. If I don't spend time with them, play with them, teach them... No one else will

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I'm not even sure at this point.

 

[swankysoup]

Some misguided hope for things to get better, even though that would require a miracle pretty much. Also the uncertainty of death, i don't have benzos with my SN. What i really want is to get back in touch with my emotions and my determination to die. I cannot make it happen but i hope eventually something changes.

 

[Johnzaga23]

family, unsure, fear, hell

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

My two kids. They need me. I'll know they'll never recover from losing me.

Shit... I'm the only one in their life that actually tries to make their life happy. I must represent 90% of the recreational time they spend with people. If I don't spend time with them, play with them, teach them... No one else will

If my son didn't have a dad who loves him dearly, I would feel the same.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I need to wait until my university semester starts so that I have an excuse to be outside for a long amount of time

 

[bananaolympus]

Mostly my loved ones its not that i believe suicide is selfish, but the moments i pass with them gives me some relief

 

[OTanerd]

That is a good question because many people think that someone who wants to commit suicide is just seeking attention since otherwise, they would have already done it.
To begin with, they might be seeking attention, but not in a bad way, because they are crying out for help, wanting someone to assist them, to help them get out of there. The second thing is that there are many things that make us hesitate because, in the end, we are human and we still have emotions. We still have a fear of the pain of death, of how others would react upon finding out that we have died, of someone discovering our body, or the fear of not knowing what comes after death. I assure you that if there were a button that could kill us instantly without pain, many more people would commit suicide.
In my case, it is the fear of the pain of death itself. I am very sensitive to physical pain, to be honest, and I didn't know how to get SN, but I have already found a place, so I think I will have to postpone my death until I have everything I need.

 

[ma0]

A lot of fear and a lot of SI. Nothing some mental deterioration can't fix (hopefully).

 

[resurgence]

I think for me it's also just the fear of death. Not that I think something bad is awaiting me, but it's just the irreversibility of it. I did write in my journal somewhere that I think ctb is similar to the feeling right before getting your blood drawn/pierced. You know you signed up for it, it is gonna happen, the only thing you can do is just take deep breaths and it'll soon be over.

And yeah, the guilt towards the loved ones I'm leaving behind in agony is immense.

you got the feeling down really well, i like how you put it

if i ended up feeling like i needed to go asap i cant promise i wouldnt try but the guilt, same. then running through scenarios of how it would affect certain people, what could happen to them.. would they think they didnt do enough? would they be able to recover from that? well id be dead anyways so it wouldnt be my problem, but can i die knowing that i caused suffering?

 

[billie]

i already have my ctb date

 

[resurgence]

My two kids. They need me. I'll know they'll never recover from losing me.

Shit... I'm the only one in their life that actually tries to make their life happy. I must represent 90% of the recreational time they spend with people. If I don't spend time with them, play with them, teach them... No one else will

i know its really hard but thank you so much for not leaving them yet. sending you so much love.

 

[loveable_lamb]

you got the feeling down really well, i like how you put it

if i ended up feeling like i needed to go asap i cant promise i wouldnt try but the guilt, same. then running through scenarios of how it would affect certain people, what could happen to them.. would they think they didnt do enough? would they be able to recover from that? well id be dead anyways so it wouldnt be my problem, but can i die knowing that i caused suffering?

I think it's a very common feeling. Probably also why most suicide letters contain "I'm sorry" in some form.

I know my death will leave behind such a void for my loved ones. If I could I'd fill it. Unfortunately the only thing I can do is just tell them how it's not their fault. How I know they loved me so much. And god, I hope my words will be enough.

 

[nomoredolor]

For me. I think it's just some innate fear if death? I see 0 point in staying. I've been trying to wrap my head around reasons to live for 7 years with no luck. I'm just scared? I think? It might be petty but I also don't want to miss out on games and shows I've been waiting on. I mean I can't be one of those suckers that die before Luffy finds the One Piece (lol)

I'm just curious on what keeps y'all going

I'm not scared of death at all and what's after but I am a little scared of doing it alone now that my partner is dead.

What's holding me back is my loved ones begging me to stay after my attempt. My goal is to last until later this Fall so I can be there for the birth of a loved one and see MCR in concert. Not sure if I'll make it that long but I figure each day I stay is a gift from me to my loved ones.

Hugs to you

Anna

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Not much. The big thing right now is that I'm living with other people, and I'd rather they not be the ones to find me.

 

[kapa]

I was really ready to do it prepared almost everything then fear got the best of it. But now I'm trying to buy my own apartment and that was my biggest dream so probably I'll stay for a little while.

 

[FuneralCry]

Because after all I exist in this horrific reality where the option for me to painlessly cease existing is denied with suffering seen as to so cruelly force and prolong no matter what instead, I wish there's the option to simply die in peace and never suffer ever again with no risks of trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse agony as I'd personally never wish to suffer in this torturous, futile existence. I see existence as deeply undesirable in every way possible and the thought of being enslaved in this existence until old age is just so unbearable to me, I just see it as so terrible and cruel how the option to peacefully cease existing is denied even know this existence that just caused suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for was so tragically imposed, I wish I could simply choose to fall into an eternal dreamless sleep and never suffer ever again.