Discussion What's keeping you from CBT?

[NikePopuli]

For me its purely SI.

 

[CentreMid]

Right now it's my partner

 

[Jupit3rs]

Guilt, shame, the fear of failing, the pain i'll cause to my loved ones. Sometimes i feel so disgusted by myself that I believe I dont even deserve to die, but to live in torture.

 

[LostBroken23]

Fear…
Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of hurting my loved ones

 

[lost-unfound]

I don't want to hurt anyone. I wish there was a way to make people understand that it's what's best for me, and that they could be happy for me.

 

[Shadowlord900]

While I could technically try CTBing on the Phenobarbital I have right now, I want to give myself the best chance at a fatal oral overdose, so still waiting until I can at least get my hands on a potent opioid before even considering making the final preparations for my plan.

 

[Darkover]

just a lack of access to a peaceful method

 

[draingang]

I guess I'm holding onto a shard of hope that things will take turn for the better, even though they haven't in like 3 years at least. I'm also worried for my mom who would be a complete wreck if I CBT'd. I'm the only person she really has contact with on a daily basis besides coworkers who she doesn't like for the most part. Even though her actions throughout the years have hurt me a lot and left an impact on my mental health I couldn't do it to her.

 

[eternalbliss22]

I would love to know the reasons some of us keep going and pushing forward. In my case there's a part of me that still remains somewhat hopeful and believes things will get better and everything will turn out great. Another reason is my two cats, i already know someone that could take care of them, but i believe it would break their hearts to never see me again. And lastly i live in Spain so i don't have many options of CBT besides hanging, jumping from a tall building, jumping in front of a train and i don't know how easy would it be to acquire SN here in Europe, since i've read you need some sort of special license to order it. Of course i'm still considering CTB within the next two month if everything remains the same, i would need an absolute miracle to save me from actually doing it, but those are some of the reasons as to why i haven't done it yet.

SI

 

[kernel_panic]

Waiting for my mother to go to work on Monday and survival instinct, which hopefully I can overcome the next time.

 

[Usako0504]

My cat

 

[RichardFirst]

I'm currently gathering what I need to have a CTB kit if and when it becomes necessary. I'm not presently at that point, but i've been very close in the past. Having my "get out of gaol" card on standby will be immensely comforting to me.

 

[TheLakesKrueguer]

I'm not sure what's holding me back from doing CBT, even though I truly want to try it. There's something within me that's preventing me from fully doing it, and I don't know how to overcome this obstacle.

 

[justexhausted]

Not having enough money saved up for my parents to support themselves once I'm gone.

 

[irie]

lack of resources, fear of failing, my partner, and terrible religious anxiety i have my family to thank for/a crippling fear of there being an afterlife

 

[PaxAmerica]

I think I want certain problems in my life to disappear and thinking about suicide is a release valve. Knowing that there is this solution as a last resort or maybe even sooner. I have also tried to kill myself a few times by hanging. But it was very superficial attempts though two were bit more robust and i passed out and the knot came undone with my weight so that was actually close had i passed out and fallen the other way when knot wouldn't have come undone.
I think i will kill myself one day. I dont enjoy life the way i used to and even that was with a lot of shit going on to me. So now I think i am just waiting for another really dark cloud. i have cut my wrists very superficially but over and over and the pain helped me cope. I am not sure how.
BUT I also dont want to hurt my loved ones. And that is a heavy burden that crushes me. I think once i am the last one left i will do it.

 

[LunaRory]

my dog. He should still have several years and I won't leave him and break his little heart. I love that dog more than any living creature on the planet. I have a small number of very close friends, that kinda know I'm struggling - not to what extent, don't want them to worry, it wouldn't help anyone - but also know it's got nothing to do with them so I'm fairly certain that, sad as they'd be, they wouldn't blame themselves in any way, shape or form. I love them dearly but I love my dog even more. Once he crosses the rainbow bridge, I'll book my trip. I'll clear out my bank accounts and really enjoy my last days in a beautiful location. At this point I'm not even too bothered with finding a peaceful and painless method. Some lidocaine and a razor blade will do just fine.

 

[Sparr0w]

mostly how devastated my family and friends will be. i know a few depressed people who i really hope don't follow in my footsteps. also, who will find my body? i've got a vauge plan set up to hopefully get first responders to find it, but i live in a dorm where maintenence has come into my room to clean it before....

 

[Doctors HATE them]

I'm never alone for long enough to have the time and also SI

 

[tieiwi]

Fear of pain. My pain tolerance is so low. I want a painless way to ctb but it's hard to obtain.

 

[Anhedoniac]

I guess I'm a coward or not desperate enough to CBT successfully yet. Successfully is a major keyword because there are fates worse than death in case you fail and end up as a potato

 

[pizzafiend]

Too broke to afford my current desired method. For some reason I didn't think it would be so difficult to track down affordable SN haha.

 

[feels_like_rain]

My mom and my cat are the reasons i absolutely won't do it (unless i become terminally ill or something crazy happens).
I couldn't do that to my mom.
And there are other things i enjoy. I love to skydive and i've started ice skating recently. When i'm at a good point in life i sometimes think about how much i love the things i love, and i'm so grateful to be alive, blah blah blah.
But those LOWS dude. When i'm at my lowest, the things i love don't necessarily seem worth it.
It's just my mom and my cat, they are the ones who are always worth it. I honestly don't know whether i would still be here without them. They're here, i'm here. If that changes then who knows.