What's holding you from CTB?

[UmbraDweller]

It's literally always at my fingertips, just few taps on this phone and everything arrives in no time, it couldn't be easier. I'm in almost perfect position. I have enough of money for everything needed to CTB. I don't work or study, noone to take care of, no desires, no real life connections to hurt other than my close family who I barely speak to. I don't exist outside of my room. Day to day life is just loop of laying in bed and sitting by pc, and that's been years now. I already came to all conclusions about life being pointless evil hell hole I've been forced into against my will. There's nothing new to think about or consider, I keep only repeating myself in my head at this point. I'm absolutely sure that this is what I want and that it's best for me. Yada yada...
Yet I'm still not taking the steps. The only thing that still kinda stays in my way are fears which I progress to overcome. Not succeeding can be random, but it's usually bad preparations which can be avoided. With the fear of unknown and process of dying I remind myself that death will happen no matter what. If it's not by my own hand, then by some much more painful natural causes or injuries, therefore suicide is less scary than waiting for inevitable death to come by itself. Still I'm not ready and I can't really tell why, I probably just need more reassurence.
Sometimes death feels too unreal also. It's almost as something unachievable on level of walking through the walls or something. Guess I'm stuck in loop of rotting alive for now.

 

[mehdone]

The desire to actually live and maybe be happy experiencing life is what currently keeps me alive. Prior to that, it was SI.

But I mean hell, I can purchase a 50 pound/22kg bag of SN or a .45 handgun for $200, so it's always a bit of a walking the line, isn't it?

I'm scared to buy those things because I know I would use them. If I had them on hand… yeah.

 

[tychai]

circumstances constantly changing and rebounding between positive and negative extremes basically daily make it impossible to be certain enough on the idea to make necessary preparations to succeed

 

[Saturn_]

Not knowing what happens after we die. Lots and lots of SI, too.

 

[illuposolitarioita]

perché la tua mente si aggrappa a tutto per rimanere in vita, perché non si può tornare indietro, CTB è inevitabile quando nient'altro può salvarti, quando il dolore è troppo forte, se tutto andrà bene domani sarà il mio CTB, ho superato la paura, sento solo il desiderio di liberarmi da tutto

 

[Felodese]

Indecisiveness, ambivalence. I feel like suicide is the only way out of this, and everything is ready, but I still can't make up my mind to do it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I actually don't want to die - but circumstances force me to die (at least in a way that is clear that it would be so much better if I was dead). Fear of failure - to me there is no other option but to be successful in the first attempt the shame and agony of failing would be unbearable. My mum wouldn't survive me CTB, too. She never can understand why I want CTB after failing big in life.

 

[UKscotty]

Hope is the one thing I think.
My depression is like a wave, sometimes there, sometimes not. More often there than now.

No one wants to die, the natural condition is to want to love, be happy and experience limitless joy. Depression makes it so we see suffering and bleakness instead.

People will come up with all sorts of reasons, lack of access, fear of failing, wanting to meet some deadline etc but they all link back to hope.

When all hope is truly gone, we will find a way to pass from this life.

 

[4am]

don't have a method yet

 

[LilysAngel]

slow shipping speeds

 

[whywere]

I have had 2 attempts and at the age of 68 and going to retire by the age of 70 at the latest, I have always loved traveling and I am going to REALLY travel. On my list is: Australia, Nepal, Antarctic, to start. Also, Fiji Islands, Easter Island, A trip to the Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg and so many more locations.

I know all about ctb and the crappy hospital stays that are FORCED on a person.

Walter

 

[fleetingnight]

I have a couple stupid hopes and dreams that I can't shake. No matter how many times it gets proven to me that I don't have what it takes, I feel like I have to just do something before I die, even just one thing that matters

 

[C.Alder]

It's literally always at my fingertips, just few taps on this phone and everything arrives in no time, it couldn't be easier. I'm in almost perfect position. I have enough of money for everything needed to CTB. I don't work or study, noone to take care of, no desires, no real life connections to hurt other than my close family who I barely speak to. I don't exist outside of my room. Day to day life is just loop of laying in bed and sitting by pc, and that's been years now. I already came to all conclusions about life being pointless evil hell hole I've been forced into against my will. There's nothing new to think about or consider, I keep only repeating myself in my head at this point. I'm absolutely sure that this is what I want and that it's best for me. Yada yada...
Yet I'm still not taking the steps. The only thing that still kinda stays in my way are fears which I progress to overcome. Not succeeding can be random, but it's usually bad preparations which can be avoided. With the fear of unknown and process of dying I remind myself that death will happen no matter what. If it's not by my own hand, then by some much more painful natural causes or injuries, therefore suicide is less scary than waiting for inevitable death to come by itself. Still I'm not ready and I can't really tell why, I probably just need more reassurence.
Sometimes death feels too unreal also. It's almost as something unachievable on level of walking through the walls or something. Guess I'm stuck in loop of rotting alive for now.

i always have something to do, like no matter how bad i feel, i have a rehearsal to go to, a concert, private lessons etc and idk why but that fs it's by biggest deterrent i think

 

[FuneralCry]

I envy those who can easily access painless, reliable methods, it must be such a relief for them. What I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse suffering, I really wish there's the option to just fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep.

 

[Dark Moon]

Lack of methods, fear of failure, not knowing what comes after this and I think it's called the survival instinct.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

For me it's lack of energy + SI

perché la tua mente si aggrappa a tutto per rimanere in vita, perché non si può tornare indietro, CTB è inevitabile quando nient'altro può salvarti, quando il dolore è troppo forte, se tutto andrà bene domani sarà il mio CTB, ho superato la paura, sento solo il desiderio di liberarmi da tutto

Credi veramente che possiamo CTB soltanto quando non c'è neanche altra opzione? Non lo so...non voglio perdere tutto prima di CTB.

 

[sserafim]

Fear of failing an attempt and being left with permanent damage. I'm scared of the consequences of failure. I don't want to be even worse off

 

[neverLoved]

Still stuck on the pain I'll bring to my already broken family. My mom already gets extremely worried from the smallest things which happen to me. She recently started getting better and living life more after decades of suffering.

Can't imagine what it will do to her if I ended it.

 

[bookgirl]

Nothing

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Executive dysfunction makes it so I can't even get started on some of the plans I need to make.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

Unfinished business also fear of what comes after but it's inevitable so might as well face it standing up than laying down.

 

[Hotsackage]

I kno war that's like, best wishes

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I want to be happy and at peace with myself when I ctb, so I won't be attempting again until I've achieved this. Even if I end up failing and ctb before I get to that point then at least I know I tried and that's enough for me.

 

[Hotsackage]

Curiosity, and family

 

[untothedepths]

Oh, you know, no expendable income to drop one thousand dollars on inert gas and only have cutting, hanging, drowning, and ingesting toxic chemicals. Just the most painful or unpleasant methods. Can burn myself too, just need to find somewhere were I am not going to hurt or harm anyone *unintentionally, and there won't be the fire department to "rescue me". (So burning is out, refer to other methods.)

 

[cinderdust]

Lack of conveniently acquirable supplies, no private space. Will likely take months of planning to get to a good spot w/ either.