What's bothering you right now?

[Life sucks]

No energy

 

[Squalo]

- I am sad and alone practically always and forever;
- I have never had experience with the world, I have rarely left my region, I have the most sedentary life imaginable;
- my family sucks;
- I'm a virgin at 29 and have never touched a girl.

 

[Life sucks]

Anhedonic time

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Rejection, extreme individualism and just general mean-spiritness that is encountered in public places.

 

[Celerity]

Rejection, extreme individualism and just general mean-spiritness that is encountered in public places.

I was about to say the same thing. They seem to be problems as old as civilization itself, but it seems to be worse nowadays.

 

[Largeletters]

My misery. Today is one of those days where I feel angry about being born much more intense than usual.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I was about to say the same thing. They seem to be problems as old as civilization itself, but it seems to be worse nowadays.

Yes I think that you are right. It might seem worse in the present because of the advances in technology (electronics). Every horrible event that happens is broadcasted over social media, and this is good because it creates awareness, but it can also be bad since it reminds you of just how awful human beings can be to each other sometimes. Personally I believe that every era had/has its upsides, and downsides though in the current era the negatives are definitely more visible and louder - like you have said.

 

[come to dust]

My job and its shitty workplace culture

 

[ElizabethsFault]

I want help, but too many recent traumatic, therapeutic experiences are preventing me from getting the help I need. I have plenty of trauma in my past, which I always received help recovering from. However, now, the trauma IS the therapist. And no one will report her or help me ever again. Even if they could help, I'm too terrified of social workers and all healthcare.
"Did you have to salt the ground so nothing can EVER grow again?"

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

my fucking brain.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm bothered by the fact that I might have to watch the new Fast and Furious movie just to see the preview for the next Jurassic World movie, aka the main reason I'm putting off my CTB until next year. I already know what happens in this preview but I really wanna see it regardless and yet I have no interest in any of the Fast and Furious movies.

No offense to anyone who does like those movies. I'm just not very big into cars. I love dumb action movies but only when they're about things like dinosaurs, not cars.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Covid and stupid people.
"You have to wear a mask" apparently medical means shit fucking all to people. Its a damn good thing i dont have diabetes and need a snack or else id be A LOT fucking louder then i am about it. Shit like this can SERIOUSLY kill people...but no one gives a fuck

 

[SentientCreature]

The fact that I could have died 6 months ago but got "saved". The fact that I went through all the pain and anxiety, somehow managed to overcome that relentless torturer that is our survival instinct, drank that disgusting salty solution and lost consciousness, so basically that point could have been the end from MY point of view; I was unconscious, there was no more suffering to experience, there was nothing... And they took the reward away from me, brought me back to this terrible place of chronic anxiety, insecurities, constant striving and nothing positive to justify all the suffering and all the effort.

Now I have another bag of SN and all that's left to do is get meto and famotidine and yet I'm not doing that. Guided by my previous failure I no longer wish to do it at home where the risk of being interrupted is too high. But the thought of lying to my mom that I'm going for a walk and actually going to a hotel, talking to a receptionist and going to the room, an unknown place with no comfort of familiarity all while already being in a state of distress... it's terrifying. I don't know if I can do this and that makes me feel so helpless and desperate.

And if I don't do it, what am I left with? Finishing my undergrad studies and becoming a graduate student in October when I can barely keep my mind focused on anything for more than 10 minutes at a time, and I've never learned how to deal with stress properly. The worst of all is - I don't even know why I would do that, I can't imagine myself having a career and being a productive member of the society, being forced to interact with people on a daily basis when I really need freedom and solitude. Okay, sorry for the huge rant.

 

[Celerity]

The fact that I could have died 6 months ago but got "saved". The fact that I went through all the pain and anxiety, somehow managed to overcome that relentless torturer that is our survival instinct, drank that disgusting salty solution and lost consciousness, so basically that point could have been the end from MY point of view; I was unconscious, there was no more suffering to experience, there was nothing... And they took the reward away from me, brought me back to this terrible place of chronic anxiety, insecurities, constant striving and nothing positive to justify all the suffering and all the effort.

Now I have another bag of SN and all that's left to do is get meto and famotidine and yet I'm not doing that. Guided by my previous failure I no longer wish to do it at home where the risk of being interrupted is too high. But the thought of lying to my mom that I'm going for a walk and actually going to a hotel, talking to a receptionist and going to the room, an unknown place with no comfort of familiarity all while already being in a state of distress... it's terrifying. I don't know if I can do this and that makes me feel so helpless and desperate.

And if I don't do it, what am I left with? Finishing my undergrad studies and becoming a graduate student in October when I can barely keep my mind focused on anything for more than 10 minutes at a time, and I've never learned how to deal with stress properly. The worst of all is - I don't even know why I would do that, I can't imagine myself having a career and being a productive member of the society, being forced to interact with people on a daily basis when I really need freedom and solitude. Okay, sorry for the huge rant.

Can you possibly get them to hold off on grad studies for another year? A lot of grad departments, at least in the US, are sensitive to medical concerns. What area of study? How old are you?

 

[SentientCreature]

Can you possibly get them to hold off on grad studies for another year? A lot of grad departments, at least in the US, are sensitive to medical concerns. What area of study? How old are you?

I could take a break and postpone the studies for as long as I wish but my father is a recovering alcoholic who could relapse any time and then I'd have to find a job. He's too unstable to be trusted, I don't feel secure.

I'm 22, about to graduate with a bachelor's degree in computer science. My aim for a graduate program was machine learning and AI. I'd go to another city for that and wouldn't have to live with my father which is a nice bonus but I no longer feel competent for such an intellectually demanding pursuit.

 

[Celerity]

I could take a break and postpone the studies for as long as I wish but my father is a recovering alcoholic who could relapse any time and then I'd have to find a job. He's too unstable to be trusted, I don't feel secure.

I'm 22, about to graduate with a bachelor's degree in computer science. My aim for a graduate program was machine learning and AI. I'd go to another city for that and wouldn't have to live with my father which is a nice bonus but I no longer feel competent for such an intellectually demanding pursuit.

Hm. If you could take a year off, I would do it. It doesn't sound like you have great options, but that seems the best out of the available. Do what is best for you. I hope you can get a job in your field without the grad degree. Not sure what your aims are, but grad school isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's mostly challenging mentally but not for the academic rigor per se.

 

[SentientCreature]

Hm. If you could take a year off, I would do it. It doesn't sound like you have great options, but that seems the best out of the available. Do what is best for you. I hope you can get a job in your field without the grad degree. Not sure what your aims are, but grad school isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's mostly challenging mentally but not for the academic rigor per se.

Thanks for the support. I have only recently begun to untangle the complex web of my neuroses and I think I've managed to come up with an explanation for my behavior - the reason I thought that the grad degree was a good option is that it's been programmed into my brain that I had to do something extraordinary in order to... justify my existence or whatever. My father is an extreme narcissist who had never tolerated anything less than perfection in the first 14 years of my life, then he stopped giving a damn suddenly.

It doesn't help that I feel absolutely worthless and insecure in just about every way a human being can be insecure. Intellect has always been the one thing that I felt like I had at least some semblance of control over, even if it was illusory, and i felt like I had to use it to somehow compensate for being such a pathetic failure in all other aspects of my life. But I'm chronically mentally exhausted and don't really believe that academic achievements are the solution anymore. I think I'd rather go and live somehwere in the woods away from society and enjoy a peaceful life, but that's just a fantasy.

Uh even writing all of this makes me feel like a whiny retard who's hated by everyone lol. Sorry.

 

[Celerity]

Thanks for the support. I have only recently begun to untangle the complex web of my neuroses and I think I've managed to come up with an explanation for my behavior - the reason I thought that the grad degree was a good option is that it's been programmed into my brain that I had to do something extraordinary in order to... justify my existence or whatever. My father is an extreme narcissist who had never tolerated anything less than perfection in the first 14 years of my life, then he stopped giving a damn suddenly.

It doesn't help that I feel absolutely worthless and insecure in just about every way a human being can be insecure. Intellect has always been the one thing that I felt like I had at least some semblance of control over, even if it was illusory, and i felt like I had to use it to somehow compensate for being such a pathetic failure in all other aspects of my life. But I'm chronically mentally exhausted and don't really believe that academic achievements are the solution anymore. I think I'd rather go and live somehwere in the woods away from society and enjoy a peaceful life, but that's just a fantasy.

Uh even writing all of this makes me feel like a whiny retard who's hated by everyone lol. Sorry.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it's good that you had this realization now before you wasted time in grad school. Perfectionism never ends well. I wish you the best.

 

[Sadgirl4040]

My flaws & tired of being antisocial...

 

[Rayzieka]

continued struggle with my medication
i've been sleeping 14 hours a day or more and have a feeling like i need to rip my skin off
and the fear of being honest with anyone who has control over me going back to a hospital or not

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

The fact that I can't be bothered to do anything at all.

 

[Green Destiny]

Stressing out about going back to my job after a year because of the pandemic. One of my work friends quit and I have a new boss to deal with. Plus the company I work for is a public store kind of place and I just know people are going to be mean and nasty to me. Christ I didn't ask for this life.

 

[LastFlowers]

Pain radiating from my jaw into my neck and shoulders, skin inflamed, and having difficulty breathing as usual, but the weather change is making it that much more shitty.
Intense discomfort all around.
Need to sleep but cannot.

 

[my heart hurts]

Coming to the realization that I got in shape,finished uni and got a good job, forced myself to make friends, bought a place did all the yadda yadda and death is still looking extremely attractive quite often. Guess I'll just fight this battle til one side wins

 

[ElizabethsFault]

The mental "health" facility which I was attending spread so many lies about me, I'm terrified of, and unable to ever get healthcare again. My therapist was so dismissive when I discussed suicide, I can't talk about suicidal thoughts with any other mental health professionals.
Apparently this is my Google search history from March 2021 and the list has surely gotten longer, since then!

 

[Largeletters]

The mental "health" facility which I was attending spread so many lies about me, I'm terrified of, and unable to ever get healthcare again. My therapist was so dismissive when I discussed suicide, I can't talk about suicidal thoughts with any other mental health professionals.
Apparently this is my Google search history from March 2021 and the list has surely gotten longer, since then!

I'm so sorry about that.

 

[Life sucks]

That life is a trap and everything deteriorates with time

 

[Meditation guide]

I ghosted someone I like. I had to. I wish I hadn't had to do that. But all it hurt was his ego.

 

[Victoria]

That the drugs don't work

 

[ClairyFairy]

A huge fly keeps coming in doing a tour of the house, upstairs, down and then every so often the damn thing comes too close to my ears which are really sensitive. Oh my sweet Jesus there's 2