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Busridin'26

Busridin'26

Hating every minute of being alive.
Dec 8, 2019
1,913
To recover... to enjoy life... to live a life worth living.. to experience happiness/happy moment's

It all takes so much effort bc of being brought up un misery and abuse.

Since I'm not used to or have barly experienced a "good" life it's like... constant effort...

(Questions I'm asking myself and also wondering if anyone has thought of similar things)

Like is it worth it to live and life where I have to fight just to barly enjoy it..

To recover is always doing these constant things... trying..

Like... even rest is effort. Always gotta be on top of things... too much rest will equal dissociation... and I can't live in that..

(That aspect has gotten better but ya kno?)

I dunno so often I get tired and fed up with all the effort it takes to live.

When I start to feel like dying... sometimes I wanna hang on to the feeling bc I'm not sure if its worth it to keep living...

I keep trying to change things around... to find a flow and balance between recovery & living...

To find a way to live that I actually enjoy...

Is it worth it to fight so hard for joy? Haaa

I dunno. I'm feeling like just ending it but also in between and kno if I just rest this week I'll feel less deep into ending my life.

Is it even worth it to keep coming up and struggling with the concept of life and death... jus dunno anymore.
 
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W

whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,900
YES to your last question. Let me explain, as I have had 2 attempts, been locked up, oh YA! NOT! Fun on the lock up, had cancer, and a horrible car crash.

Now enough about me and now about you my awesome friend. Yes, I am self-centered, as far as I need folks like YOU here as this is my only family on this rotating rock, and I have 24/7 chronic pain, just one time I will say that the chronic pain is HORRIBLE, each and every second.

You bring a light, joy and a sense of being to me and this website. We are ALL one, together and a force to be reckoned with, take that fixthe26, (they are idiots) so narrow minded and we are hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder.

You ARE important, YOU bring light and joy to me, and I need folks like you.

Sorry I always wear my heart on my sleeve and always will.

Walter
 
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Reactions: Busridin'26 and GentleJerk
T

timf

Enlightened
Mar 26, 2020
1,664
Life is not binary (good or bad). There are an infinite number of elements as well as the possibility of better tomorrows.

It might be helpful to consider what part of your life you can control and use that control to make an improvement. You may slowly find that you can bring satisfaction and on that build hope.
 
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Reactions: Busridin'26, whywere and ncmxm
stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,918
Well, a life worth living?
It passed everyone by.
 

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