Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
To recover... to enjoy life... to live a life worth living.. to experience happiness/happy moment's
It all takes so much effort bc of being brought up un misery and abuse.
Since I'm not used to or have barly experienced a "good" life it's like... constant effort...
(Questions I'm asking myself and also wondering if anyone has thought of similar things)
Like is it worth it to live and life where I have to fight just to barly enjoy it..
To recover is always doing these constant things... trying..
Like... even rest is effort. Always gotta be on top of things... too much rest will equal dissociation... and I can't live in that..
(That aspect has gotten better but ya kno?)
I dunno so often I get tired and fed up with all the effort it takes to live.
When I start to feel like dying... sometimes I wanna hang on to the feeling bc I'm not sure if its worth it to keep living...
I keep trying to change things around... to find a flow and balance between recovery & living...
To find a way to live that I actually enjoy...
Is it worth it to fight so hard for joy? Haaa
I dunno. I'm feeling like just ending it but also in between and kno if I just rest this week I'll feel less deep into ending my life.
Is it even worth it to keep coming up and struggling with the concept of life and death... jus dunno anymore.
It all takes so much effort bc of being brought up un misery and abuse.
Since I'm not used to or have barly experienced a "good" life it's like... constant effort...
(Questions I'm asking myself and also wondering if anyone has thought of similar things)
Like is it worth it to live and life where I have to fight just to barly enjoy it..
To recover is always doing these constant things... trying..
Like... even rest is effort. Always gotta be on top of things... too much rest will equal dissociation... and I can't live in that..
(That aspect has gotten better but ya kno?)
I dunno so often I get tired and fed up with all the effort it takes to live.
When I start to feel like dying... sometimes I wanna hang on to the feeling bc I'm not sure if its worth it to keep living...
I keep trying to change things around... to find a flow and balance between recovery & living...
To find a way to live that I actually enjoy...
Is it worth it to fight so hard for joy? Haaa
I dunno. I'm feeling like just ending it but also in between and kno if I just rest this week I'll feel less deep into ending my life.
Is it even worth it to keep coming up and struggling with the concept of life and death... jus dunno anymore.