F

fisil

Arcanist
Mar 9, 2019
432
I watch a movie or play a android game or hear music not shure yet.
 
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Empty Smile

Empty Smile

The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
Jul 13, 2018
1,785
Take my last view of the forest I'm in, hoping the other side looks the same.
 
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Keshin

Keshin

Almost there
May 6, 2019
7
Assuming my SN comes tomorrow, I'll be in a motel listening to the playlist I just made, closing my eyes and thinking of the unknown that awaits me
 
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Dead beat dad

Dead beat dad

Enlightened
Mar 5, 2019
1,030
Listen
 
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J

JoeFailure

Mage
Apr 29, 2019
574
I would probably be in tears. I'd like for my last memories to be my parents, my best friends, and from the best thing I ever did in my life, from work in special education, I'll think about my little bud Chelsea. Best smile on the planet. Some of the most peaceful moments I've ever had were pushing her really high on the swing outside, where she'd just giggle and be happy.

I wish it were those things that mattered in life instead of career and money, which has a 99% chance of being the end of me.
 
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Apostle

Apostle

Student
Apr 17, 2019
129
Finish a series I'm watching, put on my ctb music, drink a lot, and get it done.
 
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F

fisil

Arcanist
Mar 9, 2019
432
Assuming my SN comes tomorrow, I'll be in a motel listening to the playlist I just made, closing my eyes and thinking of the unknown that awaits me
Wow good luck. I hopefully soon follow you
 
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S

spanishguy22

Enlightened
Apr 9, 2019
1,003
I'll listen to the music I listened when I was first going from happy to worse, years ago. I'll think of the feelings I felt and the happiness that I had forgot I once felt due to my broken brain.
All the nostalgia and knowing I'll never feel like that again, that I'll feel like shit for all my life, will be more than enough for me to motivate me. I can feel the pain just typing this, I know it will work.
Pink Floyd Linkin Park Led Zeppelin songs will be listened probably
 
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Asacschrader33

Asacschrader33

Student
May 6, 2019
158
I plan to go into the woods with N and after I drink it I'll just keep walking because I used to love going for walks before all of this happened. Walk until...lights out, thanks for playing.
 
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T

Tally

Student
Apr 29, 2019
130
Tears, but not of sadness or happines
 
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Weems

Weems

Experienced
May 5, 2019
204
Assuming charcoal + sedatives...

I honestly think I'd feel best just watching some YouTube bullshit. I want it to be routine, like falling asleep at night. I don't want to build it up. I'm looking for emotionlessness.
 
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Only Me Here

Only Me Here

...
Apr 29, 2019
263
The scariest part is being alone. What if you are just around people and act like everything is normal and just go to sleep like every other night and in the morning you are dead but you weren't alone in your final moments. Thats what I'm most scared of. Plus I've been physically alone for 6 months that some company at the end would be nice.
 
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Deadgirl

Deadgirl

Game Over
Mar 31, 2019
215
Lay in the grass, stare at the blue sky and birds till the cocktail kicks in
 
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Weems

Weems

Experienced
May 5, 2019
204
The scariest part is being alone.
Yeah. During my "healthy" life I always wanted to be more and more alone. Now I just want acceptance and a social network like a normal person but I know I've pissed that away by being a dysfunctional recluse for a decade.

I think most people see suicidality as peak unhealthiness but it seems to me to be getting well too late. You understand that you were wrong.
 
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Only Me Here

Only Me Here

...
Apr 29, 2019
263
Yeah. During my "healthy" life I always wanted to be more and more alone. Now I just want acceptance and a social network like a normal person but I know I've pissed that away by being a dysfunctional recluse for a decade.

I think most people see suicidality as peak unhealthiness but it seems to me to be getting well too late. You understand that you were wrong.
That makes a lot of sense. Sadly, some of us will depart as we lived, alone.
 
Escaper Boy

Escaper Boy

累坏了...
Apr 11, 2019
245
Be in the moment as mindful as possible, maybe cast some appreciation to my short-lived existence on this planet. Basically, I will try to cross over without any "baggage" and "heaviness" in my heart.
 
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discokicks

discokicks

Student
Apr 19, 2019
121
Music and alcohol. I'm writing out my practical stuff to my family (ie how to get money for the funeral and support services and my feelings for them). But overwhelmingly just a sense of relief this nightmare will be over
 
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Alchemist

Alchemist

Warlock
Apr 3, 2019
709
Just spend my last moments alone in silence before taking N, say goodbye here, then take N, close my eyes and wait on bed for all to be over.
 
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Halo13

Halo13

Wizard
May 9, 2019
671
The scariest part is being alone. What if you are just around people and act like everything is normal and just go to sleep like every other night and in the morning you are dead but you weren't alone in your final moments. Thats what I'm most scared of. Plus I've been physically alone for 6 months that some company at the end would be nice.
This is a very valid fear and realistic thought. About a decade ago, I took a ridiculous amount of pills while drunk and had every intention to ctb. As my breathing became slower, my heart slowed, a panic set in because I knew I was so close. I called a pro suicide friend and slurred what I'd done and that I didn't want help but to just listen over the phone as I went.

She did. She told me it was okay, that it was just fine to let go. I became calm just hearing that. I remember feeling the phone against my cheek then blackness. No emotion, no fear, no regrets, no nothing. Just black.

Unfortunately, someone did find me and I was resuscitated. Having a friend listen really helped me let go of survival instinct. If I wasn't found, I wouldn't be here. Definitely helps to take precautions against being found. Hope that helps.
 
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Maksimka Ai

Maksimka Ai

Broken
Apr 26, 2019
36
Most likely, it will be in an inflatable boat, with dumbbells on my legs, I will drink N, then I will cut it. I don't want anyone to find my body. I will think about the one I love, about her beautiful two girls, about her beautiful smile, and beautiful eyes. it will make me smile, and at the same time sad. But I am very tired, I can no longer live
 
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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
Most likely, it will be in an inflatable boat, with dumbbells on my legs, I will drink N, then I will cut it. I don't want anyone to find my body. I will think about the one I love, about her beautiful two girls, about her beautiful smile, and beautiful eyes. it will make me smile, and at the same time sad. But I am very tired, I can no longer live
thats to aggresive on family...
but if you dont want even them to find you... it would be like your last insult to them I guess....

whatever you need man,
if thats it, then thats it

I wish you some rest
 
D

dyingtodie

Student
Nov 29, 2018
115
As I've been on the verge of ctb for months I've been deeply nostalgic and reliving my life through floods of memories. In the final moments I hope to be surrounded by peace and hear birds, insects and the wind.
 
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Truckerchic

Truckerchic

Member
May 10, 2019
5
Assuming charcoal + sedatives...

I honestly think I'd feel best just watching some YouTube bullshit. I want it to be routine, like falling asleep at night. I don't want to build it up. I'm looking for emotionlessness.
That's what I'm going to do, every night I play my games on my phone and listen to few songs as I wait for my zzzquil to kick in so yes routine will be nice
 
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Asacschrader33

Asacschrader33

Student
May 6, 2019
158
As I've been on the verge of ctb for months I've been deeply nostalgic and reliving my life through floods of memories. In the final moments I hope to be surrounded by peace and hear birds, insects and the wind.
That's beautiful, man. I would also like to hear the songs of birds and the rustling of the wind.
 
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Weems

Weems

Experienced
May 5, 2019
204
That's beautiful, man. I would also like to hear the songs of birds and the rustling of the wind.
Cozy inside during a rainstorm would do it for me
 
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Asacschrader33

Asacschrader33

Student
May 6, 2019
158
I wonder if it's just nothingness after, just like sleeping...hard to imagine that for eternity
 
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JadedGray

JadedGray

Life Eternal
Jul 24, 2018
991
Try to clear my mind and take my last breath.
 
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EmotionlessWanderer

EmotionlessWanderer

Specialist
Jan 19, 2019
352
I'm going to be entirely focused on escaping this Matrix into the better and more free beyond. Maybe listen to some anime music while I pull the trigger.
 
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