What would you prefer? To die or to be in a better place?

[cornflowerblue]

How would you define a better place?

I'm tired and don't want to exist anymore. I can't think of a better place or life. What I have now is completely fine. I could make arbitrary modifications but they wouldn't change anything in the big picture.

 

[Pyromancer]

better place for sure

 

[Onomotopoeia]

questions like this bother me.

There is not a better place. This is what we have. Whatever it is that keeps me from being able to experience any form of joy though if you could remove that then yes it *might* be worth staying.

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

Death = better place.

 

[Alpha_Draco_Pegasus]

Can't go wrong with death. A better place...? What the hell is that?

 

[wanttodie]

I would define death as a better place​

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

This is a really interesting question and one I asked myself a lot throughout my life. I found that the answer varied based on my circumstances at that moment. I grew up in a hostile environment where I never felt safe and I started experiencing mental health issues pretty young. I never wanted to be alive. I never understood what people mean when they say that life is beautiful. I understand that most people feel that way of course and also why they feel that way, I just can't relate to that feeling at all.

I went through a few phases of sudden and unexpected progress and positive changes in my environment, during which I was hopeful I could get better. And I really strived for that. Even then, I never felt like my life was worth living. All I could hope for was to be able to experience that someday in the future. Needless to say, that day never came.

At this point in my life, being both mentally and physically ill, I've come to the conclusion that there is no better place in this lifetime for me. Even though I've been suicidal for the past 18 years, in the back of my mind I was constantly racking my brain for a solution. I never found it. I'm damaged goods. I can't get better.

I feel the same. For a while I also thought things might get better. I was wrong. It will be shitty until I'm finally gone.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

If suddenly I were to have my life change right now, as I'm writing this...
Well, quite a few things would need to happen.
First off, there are quite a few lotteries going on around. I'd need to win one. Sure winning all of them at the same time would be far better, but let's keep to realistic goals.
Second, this goddamn surgery I'm whining about. I'd need to turn epilepsy free.
Third, now this one is a tad difficult - a 25 year old girl with a very certain taste in fashion, and an even more certain taste in men would have to appear out of nowhere and fall in love with me. She also has to be not Israeli.
But that's primary social shit, once we go into secondary social shit, things get tougher.
I'd need to get accepted to some quick, yet very efficient college thing which would be the equivalent of a real, normal college, quicker, and teach the material of a regular college. Under a year. I'd need to get all of the same stuff regular, several year college gives, except much more concentrated. And finally, open a business that would both start as highly popular and only grow as time progresses.
I would need the timeline of a regular successful business and social prodigy, except the first 15 years concentrated into one.

 

[Saga]

I would rather die...i'm tired of looking for a better place.

 

[k75]

I'd prefer to live, but there is no such thing as a better place for me anymore.

 

[Sargasm]

If I could rewind my life to four years ago, and I had $100,000 to fix the problems I had/have, I would decide to continue to live. That would be my better place.

I could have managed my depression and anxiety better and not let them warp my mind into making the decisions that destroyed my life beyond repair, which just gives the depression and anxiety that much more weight, which leads to more bad decisions....

As you can guess, the cycle continues, and since the solution to live is not possible, I am choosing death before the cycle spins me right into the brick wall that is the psych ward, prison, and/or homelessness. I know it can still get worse from there and it fucking terrifies me.

Realistically, I will be dead within the next three months, because I have regretted every day that I am still alive, and it is all downhill from here.

Alternative Answer:
When I was five, without having any way of knowing to do this or why, I would have screamed at my parents to take me to a fucking therapist, ask me what is going on in my life, and put me on medication, because it is not normal for a kid to cry and feel terrified all the time. I know they love me, but things could have gone so differently, and it is difficult to not feel like I was set up for failure from day one.

 

[azucaramargo]

I got to leave the oppressors, man!
Problems with nasty social workers so I'm moving to a cheaper town where I can afford a cheaper flat without their assistance. I told them I'm moving across town but I literally calculated how to put as many miles between me and them bitches as possible, I'm moving to the opposite side of the country. Seeking help was the biggest mistake I ever made. Made my situation so much worse, the destruction of trust has devastated me. My mind was already a little fucked but it will definitely never be right now.
Scared of ending up homeless again, scared of relying on sabotaging social workers again. Have Five weeks to secure a new lease from across the country, scared something will go wrong with that or landlord could be a perv, scared weed (my only med) might be harder to get, scared of being on my period on a cross country bus trip (they are abnormal). Mainly scared of ending up under social services' thumb again, I've had horrific experiences, I detest and distrust them all, any contact with "help" at all will just re-traumatize me.
These social service sluts are scarier and crazier than any trick or pimp I ever met, and so dumb it's dangerous.
Mean and dumb are my least favorite combination. I can't deal.

Not_a_robot, have you reached your destination? How are things going? Pulling for you over here.

I don't know why but it always makes me a little sadder for some reason when a member wants to suicide from a country I've always fantasized about living in. *Shout out* to England India Phillipines Sweden Norway Brazil Finland Denmark Netherlands Germany Scotland Russia Ukraine Belarus Romania Croatia Canada
(ok I'm exaggerating, I rarely fantasized about Belarus. Maybe Moldova.)

It is funny that you should say you have rarely fantasied about Belarus because that is the one country I have been thinking about so much of late. That is kind of you to consider our fallen SS peers who come from other countries. This may be an ethnocentric/patronizing thing to say, but I also feel sad when SS'ers from other countries (besides the U.S.) die because I fear that perhaps the stigma for mental illness might be far worse there than here (not like everything is wine and roses here), but I hate to think of people being so alone and without even an inpatient facility in the area, if need be. I know psych wards are no picnic, but my stint at one was helpful. And, that place was 3 hours away. I just can't imagine not having the option of getting help. Anyway, not_a_robot, I'm eager to hear how you're doing in your new place.

I would rather die...i'm tired of looking for a better place.

This sounds a lot like me tonight.

If I could rewind my life to four years ago, and I had $100,000 to fix the problems I had/have, I would decide to continue to live. That would be my better place.

I could have managed my depression and anxiety better and not let them warp my mind into making the decisions that destroyed my life beyond repair, which just gives the depression and anxiety that much more weight, which leads to more bad decisions....

As you can guess, the cycle continues, and since the solution to live is not possible, I am choosing death before the cycle spins me right into the brick wall that is the psych ward, prison, and/or homelessness. I know it can still get worse from there and it fucking terrifies me.

Realistically, I will be dead within the next three months, because I have regretted every day that I am still alive, and it is all downhill from here.

Alternative Answer:
When I was five, without having any way of knowing to do this or why, I would have screamed at my parents to take me to a fucking therapist, ask me what is going on in my life, and put me on medication, because it is not normal for a kid to cry and feel terrified all the time. I know they love me, but things could have gone so differently, and it is difficult to not feel like I was set up for failure from day one.

When I was a kid, I always talked about wanting to "rewind and fast forward life." I was obsessed with that concept. You wrote a very thoughtful post. As ever, I'm flummoxed by people like you who can communicate so vividly and with such style, but still want to die. Solely out of curiosity, do you write for a living? Are you an academic, perhaps?

 

[HGL91]

I've chased after what I thought would make me happy often in life, and it has always led to me being disappointed because once I accomplish a goal, I feel brief euphoria, and then bummed out again.

True peace and happiness is in death.

 

[blanketyblk]

just to die i think. unless the better place had all the people i had loved and lost there too. then i might decided to stick around there for awhile.

 

[Numbtopain97]

A better place.

 

[Roberto]

Better die for me. I will screw the things where ever I go.

 

[MeltingHeart]

To go back in time would be a good option for me

 

[OneBigBlur]

Death. A better place doesn't exist in this world because the way this place works is fundamentally broken at every level. Greed, rejection, vulgarity, abandonment, abuse, sociopathy is rampant everywhere, this place is a shithole full of monsters everywhere.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

The only thing that would make me reconsider would be either a spontaneous disappearence of my epilepsy, or a temporal lobecotomy happening and having it successfully remove the epileptic node, without any chance of epilepsy returning.

That would be a BETTER place, certainly. It would postpone my thoughts enough to consider the more legal approach.

 

[noctiva]

I would like to live and be in a better place. But .. I don't see it anymore happening. Not for someone as far gone as me.

 

[FohPah]

Being in a better place won't help unless I am better -- better able to take advantage of opportunities.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

If the better place means utopia including a guaranteed safe way to ctb then I would certainly try it. But reality is unpredictable and even if I managed to get to a better place there are no guarantees that things would stay that way. So in a choice between death and a better but unpredictable situation in life I would choose death.

 

[Farmmaa]

I would give anything to be able to stay and watch my grandbabies grow up.
I don't hate life, I don't hate the world, I don't particularly want to die.

I just can't continue to live the life I have.
If my debts all disappeared tomorrow and there was hope for an actual future with less stress... then that is what I would choose.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

A better place definitely. Death is my last resort. If I cannot get to a better place in life then ctb is inevitable.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I'd prefer to be in a better place but realistically that's never going to happen so I choose death.

 

[mediocre]

I am in a hopeless situation so death.

 

[Flume]

If I could have things they way I wanted to, which is not that much... I would sure as hell choose that over death. But that's never gonna fucking happen, not in the reality I live in. Taking my own life is something I'm being forced to do, I just can't stand living like this so it's bye bye for me.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Just like what @OneBigBlur said, death is the only option. A better place is just a fantasy.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

A better place is temporary in my opinion, I haven't had a year full of luck I always ended up feeling suicidal.
The death seems like my destiny

 

[peacefully31425]

A better place. Dying isn't fun.