Scared shirtless is just as effective an expression! You are so animated in these posts of yours, Not-a-Robot you seem like you'd be a blast to hang out with. It just surprises me that you seek isolation. And, I have read some of your other posts describing oppression, and I THINK I kind of get it. (You are a much more sophisticated observer of society than I). I'm curious why you're leaving town next month.
I don't want to be nosy, or make you repeat yourself, but that move seems like it would be exciting...the promise of new surroundings, less oppression.
What aspects of the move scare you?
I got to leave the oppressors, man!
Problems with nasty social workers so I'm moving to a cheaper town where I can afford a cheaper flat without their assistance. I told them I'm moving across town but I literally calculated how to put as many miles between me and them bitches as possible, I'm moving to the opposite side of the country. Seeking help was the biggest mistake I ever made. Made my situation so much worse, the destruction of trust has devastated me. My mind was already a little fucked but it will definitely never be right now.
Scared of ending up homeless again, scared of relying on sabotaging social workers again. Have Five weeks to secure a new lease from across the country, scared something will go wrong with that or landlord could be a perv, scared weed (my only med) might be harder to get, scared of being on my period on a cross country bus trip (they are abnormal). Mainly scared of ending up under social services' thumb again, I've had horrific experiences, I detest and distrust them all, any contact with "help" at all will just re-traumatize me.
These social service sluts are scarier and crazier than any trick or pimp I ever met, and so dumb it's dangerous.
Mean and dumb are my least favorite combination. I can't deal.