What would these do?

[George81]

Hello folks, I'm new on here. I have a collection of antidepressants which I've kept back for when I feel ready to use them. I was wondering if they are actually enough to do the job or is there a high chance of survival?:
Amitriptyline: 24 x 10mg,
Citalopram: 11 x 20mg,
Sertraline: 19 x 50mg,
Fluoxetine: 1 x 20mg,
Zopiclone: 14 x 3.75mg,
Zapain: 65 x 30mg/500mg
Also have my mom's cancer pain tablets:
Codeine Phosphate: 20 x 15mg
Oxycontin: 21 x 5mg
Oramorph (big bottle!)
Also have endless supply of paracetamol.
I just want to know if this would be enough to kill me. Thank you so much for your help with this. I'm so glad I found this site, it's such a relief to be able to discuss these kinds of things without judgement.

 

[UninformedLover]

Overdosing on pills is a bad idea. On the bases of you dying or not I think depends on your overall health and weight..In the wake that you do survive, you'll be in excoriating pain and will end up hospitalized no doubt with damaged organs. There are plenty of better ways to go. You're new here so take some time to research a bit on here. There are several megathreads (and threads in general) on here which detail different suicide methods.

 

[George81]

Thank you for your reply. I've looked into hanging but it seems there might be a mixed success rate, I've tried pulling a ligament tight around my neck before and instead of dizziness I experienced extreme pressure in my head and ended up with a very red face and watery eyes so I'm worried it wouldn't work for me and I'd end up in pain for a long time. I'd really like to just go to sleep quietly and not wake up. I've also got an 'interest' in walking on a pedestrian crossing and being hit by a train and have researched into where my local foot crossings are but I don't know how to overcome the survival instincts. I have thought about jumping from a motorway bridge but I am afraid of heights and I know this is something I will never be able to overcome. I have tried to slowly desensitize myself to this fear by going onto local motorway bridges but I just can't do it, ironically the fear of dying is exactly what is stopping me from taking my own life. If it's of any use, I am now underweight as I have been restricting my food intake since my mom died to get some control back and I know my BMI is now 18. Thank you again to everyone on here. I don't deserve to be alive anymore and I can't apologise enough for the shit I have caused.

 

[charlottewilts]

Dear George81, welcome to this forum. I am truly sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

You have quite a large pile of medicine! You can look up the names through the forum search feature to see if you have enough for an overdose. However, as @UninformedLover said, it would probably be better to look into other methods before settling on overdosing as it can be unreliable.

if you have the strength, would you mind sharing with us you reasons for this decision? you might find it cathartic; there is no judgement here. there are lots of users on here suffering from a wide array of issues, and i'm sure you would be able to receive some advice. i see you're struggling with disordered eating. please, feel free to reach out to me any time you wish; i struggle with it as well.

 

[Alec]

Hello George! Welcome!
First thing, I don't know you or what you think you've done but everyone deserves to live, EVERYONE! If some of us choose not to because of whatever reason than it's ok, but we all have a right and deserve to live, including you, no matter what you've done. I don't know if this will help you or convince you in anything but I think maybe you needed to hear that.
Second, try looking up more peaceful methods here on this forum, there are some options and they are very detailed and explained as well. Try using search bar at the top of the forum. Personally like the SN method, SN stands for (Sodium Nitrite) maybe look it up lots of people here talk about it. But be careful it has to be Sodium Nitrite, not Sodium NitrAte, those are different things, although almost everyone here calls it just SN. It's not too expensive and comparatively easy to get and to prepare for for(like using some other additional meds to help). Some people like N (Nembutal) but it's harder to get.
Good luck, I wish you the best! The best in whatever you are looking for and whatever you will choose to do.

 

[George81]

Hello charlottewilts and Alec, thank you for your replies. Things are very complicated (as I imagine so things are for everyone on here) but my main reasons for wanting to go are the depression that's been with me since around the age of 11, and that I was involved with a man who was not single, for near enough 7 years. During this time I became pregnant twice and had abortions both times. This affair ended nearly 8 years ago now but a part of the consequences were that it blew his entire family apart with his brother, sister, mom and dad all fighting. There are lot more factors involved as they did patch things up afterwards but arguements started about other things and now his mom and dad no longer see their children or grandchildren at all. Essentially, I started the whole thing off which escalated into other things and it all boils down to me. He has gone onto marry the woman he was with at the time and they have a happy life but the same can't be said for his parents who now have no contact with their entire family. It's heartbreaking. I'm ashamed and disgusted in myself to say the very very least. Also losing my mom last year has very nearly killed me. I feel it is punishment for the affair, my punishment is to watch this man's parent's cry and weep over their lost family and to have witnessed my mom cry in pain and fear after receiving a terminal diagnosis. Restricting food is now part of my punishment too, as is living a miserable life with people who hate me and wishing I wasn't here. I will do some research into other methods suggested, such as the SN method, I think we all ultimately wish to go to sleep peacefully and not wake up and understanding how to do this is vital. Thank you for being non judgemental and for just being there when things are tough and the internet won't let you look up things you really need to see! Hugs to all x

 

[Starrywaters]

Hi George, welcome to the forum and I'm sorry that we meet here and that you felt you had come to a point where you feel this way.

As for the medications listed you have a lot and I would encourage you to research any possible interactions between them that may cause you more harm should you survive your attempt.

Generally speaking, consuming vast amounts of pills is both difficult and has a high chance of causing lasting bodily damage if you survive, throughly research any method you are considering and understand the full weight of the potential outcomes. It's hard when we feel so hopeless but try not to act irrationally or out of sudden emotion.

I would also encourage you as a new member to explore all this forum has to offer including the off topic/beat and recovery areas and take advantage of the many ways this forum can offer support

 

[mattwitt]

Hello folks, I'm new on here. I have a collection of antidepressants which I've kept back for when I feel ready to use them. I was wondering if they are actually enough to do the job or is there a high chance of survival?:
Amitriptyline: 24 x 10mg,
Citalopram: 11 x 20mg,
Sertraline: 19 x 50mg,
Fluoxetine: 1 x 20mg,
Zopiclone: 14 x 3.75mg,
Zapain: 65 x 30mg/500mg
Also have my mom's cancer pain tablets:
Codeine Phosphate: 20 x 15mg
Oxycontin: 21 x 5mg
Oramorph (big bottle!)
Also have endless supply of paracetamol.
I just want to know if this would be enough to kill me. Thank you so much for your help with this. I'm so glad I found this site, it's such a relief to be able to discuss these kinds of things without judgement.

This would probably put you into an ambulance which will take you to an emergency room followed by a stay at their psych ward.

 

[ThatIsTheQuestion]

My saying it probably won't make any difference, but it's hard to imagine how you could be responsible for your ex-boyfriend's problems. That's just not how it works. This guy is responsible for his own actions and their consequences - all of them - and he chose to date two women at the same time. I'm sorry if that's crossing any lines, but I always feel awful when I see people blame themselves for what other people do.

That said, only the opioid drugs would have much chance of killing you. You have far too little Amitriptyline and it's pretty much impossible to die from antidepressants like Citalopram, Sertraline and Fluoxetine, no matter how much you take. You have a bigger supply of opioids plus the Zopiclone, but even all of that together probably wouldn't be enough.

Either way, you're looking at very low reliability and, depending on which drugs you take, a living nightmare. CTB by OD almost always requires massive amounts, even when you mix things. And the consequences are severe if you survive: not just a short-term inpatient stay but also possible (if unlikely) criminal charges for using your mom's leftover drugs and probably a lot of pressure to get long-term addiction treatment, even if you're not an addict. If nothing else, I'd recommend taking some time to think things through.