What would lessen the blow for you, if someone you loved ctb?

[compulsoryaliveness]

I know for me, it's been when the person was suicidal since I knew them. I understood, and I miss them, but I understand.

And it felt worst when it was clearly a sudden, impulsive, almost accident. Or when it's been an OD and it's unclear whether it was intentional.

I had the idea awhile ago - after being around a big social circle of people who cbt - that I should seek out the mental health services so when I go, they can blame it "on the system." Not that the system is good - it's fucking terrible - but it's obviously more than that.

Anyway, I suppose I don't want people who have loved me and supported me for many years to feel responsible, because I am not cbt out of spite, my loved ones are some of the best people out there. I want them to sleep at night knowing there was nothing else they could have done.

So - because asking this question irl would set off alarm bells - I'll ask here.

What, if anything, has helped you move on, understand or accept a loved one cbt? What hasn't?

And if you haven't had the experience with a loved one, what do you think would help or not?


(EDIT: To clarify, going to a psych ward would be fucking horrific. But I don't care about that if I get to die at the end of it. I've avoided the mental health system successfully for a long time after a particularly fucked up admission, but i don't care what happens to me anymore. Im outta here anyway. Then they could just blame it on that?)

 

[zaikais]

One of my dear friends wanted to CTB, yet instead of just going through with it, she had let everyone know before hand.

It was left up to the people she had told to accept it or not, a lot didnt. but some had come to terms with it, especially after knowing what she went through and had gone through. It made sense on why she would do it.

Although she is still alive now, thankfully, it made a lot of the sting lessen, so if you ever feel like you can, tell the people you want to know, yes it may hurt them, but they might understand.

Another friend of mine had sent out hand written letters to everyone she knew, explaining everything and why she wanted to CTB, Once again knowing her reasonings, had made the hurt lessen, and with each of the letters she sent a small stuffed animal to remind the person of her, along with a few items of hers she'd wanted to give out. She had given me a couple pieces of her jewelry, a blanket of hers, and a few articles of clothing.

I guess I can say is, knowing the full reasons why they wanted to do so has always helped me. I've always accepted their deaths in that sense, having a few items that once belonged to my friend that she thought I would like/want, also meant a lot to me. Losing her did hurt but it hurt a lot less than just waking up and finding a message from either a mutual friend or family member telling me they had CTB.

Those deaths always hurt more, the extremely sudden ones, one day you could be laughing together like you have for years, the next, their sister is telling you they CTB.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

It wouldn't have been seen as impulsive to you, if you had known the mental torture they had to endure for so long. Impulsive attempts are that way for a reason. Not sudden to them. Some don't feel able to tell loved ones, or anyone, for various reasons.

Most aren't accepting of it, and try to rescue us. Look at what the user before me said - 'thankfully she is still here' - I bet that wouldn't feel nice if someone said that to you. Yet, that user is also on this site, so evidently wants to/is going to end their lives. People always want to rescue suicidal people, no matter the cost. Don't worry, I'm guilty of it too. We're all human

I would feel somewhat comforted knowing the reasons behind it. It won't ever make us feel less heartbroken, less of a loss, but to understand that bit better helps ease the blow. Suicide is always tough, no matter the circumstances - including knowing the reasons behind it.

Everyone I've ever known or do currently know, won't be shocked by my suicide, but it'll still hurt them

 

[SVEN]

Joining them, sooner rather than later.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

In my case, I wouldn't really feel a blow but rather a wave of relief as they are now finally in peace. I don't see death as bad for the one who dies and I also don't agree with the logic of the deprivationist account (death is bad because they are now being deprived of future goods that could have happened had they stayed alive). I would feel bad if they died horrifically but I would still be at a relief as they would now be in peace for the rest of eternity