Discussion What will it take for you to not be suicidal anymore?

[PI3.14]

I'm wondering, what will take for you guys to not be suicidal, to not be depressed or perhaps anxious, what will it take for you to say goodbye to SaSu not cus you are ending things, but rather cus you're starting them.

Feel free to share your thoughts. Also share whether you're doing anything in regards to fixing things, like literally anything, doesn't have to be major stuff, could be eating healthy, or 30 minutes of exercising...etc.

I personally don't know for sure, I keep going back and forth on what that looks like, but I would say my mental health becoming stable and as normal as possible is at the top of the list, cus without that I won't be able to stop being suicidal ig.

I'm currently in therapy and on meds, stimulants to be specific since I have ADHD, taking Vyvanse for those wondering, did try concerta before, but the crash it gave me was absolutely horrible. That's what I'm focusing on right now.

Diet wise, I eat one meal a day, it's a very healthy one, mostly chicken breast with a bit of rice, and a bit of veggies. Need to change that but I recently stopped an extreme diet and also started on stimulants shortly after, so I can't push myself to increase my calories intake, since my stomach can't handle it.

 

[martyrdom]

Nothing possible (and I mean nothing materially, physically possible, not something that technically is within the realm of possibility but that I just believe is impossible).
I'm really glad you seem to be doing a little better and considering recovery(?), compared to when we last spoke.

 

[doomedbynarrative]

Getting my hearing back by some miracle of the universe or maybe medical science finally finding something to restore hearing biologically.
I'd also say a cochlear implant but god the road to getting there for me is soooo painful and no guarantee the tinnitus would go away. Been dealing with this for over a decade. Maybe even get rid of my MCAS and other stuff.

The world would still be a hard place to live in but I could be a part of it again and be there like I want to be for my loved ones and anyone in this world that needs help. I've always told myself that if I was magically healed of this and everything else, I would waste absolutely no time. There are so many in my community and in the world that just need someone to help them with food, shelter, housing, education, advocacy, etc etc and I would love to give my all to that for the rest of my life if only I had the ability to do so. Instead, over time, I become more and more disabled.

 

[Zaphkiel]

Some company, i guess ?

 

[ipmanwc0]

recover from DPDR (chronic dissociation) and my body to not suffer from chronic tension and pain

 

[hell toupee]

I'm wondering, what will take for you guys to not be suicidal, to not be depressed or perhaps anxious, what will it take for you to say goodbye to SaSu not cus you are ending things, but rather cus you're starting them.

Feel free to share your thoughts. Also share whether you're doing anything in regards to fixing things, like literally anything, doesn't have to be major stuff, could be eating healthy, or 30 minutes of exercising...etc.

I personally don't know for sure, I keep going back and forth on what that looks like, but I would say my mental health becoming stable and as normal as possible is at the top of the list, cus without that I won't be able to stop being suicidal ig.

I'm currently in therapy and on meds, stimulants to be specific since I have ADHD, taking Vyvanse for those wondering, did try concerta before, but the crash it gave me was absolutely horrible. That's what I'm focusing on right now.

Diet wise, I eat one meal a day, it's a very healthy one, mostly chicken breast with a bit of rice, and a bit of veggies. Need to change that but I recently stopped an extreme diet and also started on stimulants shortly after, so I can't push myself to increase my calories intake, since my stomach can't handle it.

I've personally interacted with 2 people on here who completely changed their minds about ctb, and decided to give life another shot. It was literally the best thing I could hope for and was sincerely happy for them.

I think we become a little desensitized as to just what it is we are discussing here, and ctb should always, always, be the last resort. It should never be a rushed or impulsive decision. All other options should be exhausted first.

If I'm honest, I believe ctb should only be decided with a rational, careful manner. We all experience the ebbs and flows of life, and sometimes things can turn around when you least expect it.

One of the users I mentioned decided to turn things around because he was able to secure a peaceful way to ctb, and this brought him comfort - knowing that if things got bad enough, he had a way out. This was so motivating for him that he mended some broken relationships with his family, started exercising and trying to take care of his health.

I don't walk in anyone else's shoes but my own, so I'm certainly not going to pretend to know what's best for any individual. I just think the decision to ctb is, without question, the biggest decision any of us will make. We mustn't forget also that there can be very real long term damage if this isn't taken seriously and done on a whim. I don't know about you, but the thought of being completely paralyzed and having to have someone else wipe my ass for the rest of my life, with no possible way to ctb out of it, would be my own personal version of hell. Plus, most people use regular toilet paper and I hate that shit. Get some wet wipes and clean that thing properly for christ sakes.

This is just my opinion, so don't beat me up for it.

For me, I have no option to turn things around. My best friend (wife) and companion for 24 years is gone, I became disabled, lost my income, can't drive, and sit in a wheelchair all day. I only look forward to stepping through that door and shedding this wardrobe we call a flesh suit.

 

[dewdfish]

If I'm being completely honest with you, I'd say having my ex-fiancé back. I've been horribly suicidal since I was 16, when I had my first overdose with cocaine. Tried again a couple more times and eventually developed a tolerance and sometimes I'd do nearly 3-4g of coke in a day. I kept going on with it until I was 19, when I met him. And I'm gonna tell you, that changed something inside of me, I wanted to live, we planned a family, a house, a whole life for us. Then he left, on a random Saturday in the first week of last October. And since then… I relapsed, I've gone back to my alcoholic ways, my drug addict life, and this self destructive path I once left behind. I'm glad I got to love someone so deeply and profoundly, but at the same time disappointed that he's gonna be the major reason why I'm going to ctb next week in a hotel room.

 

[_Vasa&Me_]

The list, not just to not be suicidal, but actually cured for good:
• Come out of the closet and get a bf
• Better social life
• Rediscover appreciation for one self both in the physical appearance sense, as well as mentally inside the head
• Fix anxiety-related problems and lessen OCD

I would say its actually fairly realistic to achieve, I just need to get my shit together and take the first step, but then again I do have a hard cut off date with government-assisted suicide as plan B

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I'd just never wish for something as dreadful, torturous and harmful as existence that just tortures existing beings with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, to me existence is the most terrible mistake that just causes endless amounts of suffering, cruelty and torture, to exist truly is an abomination to me and every second is torture to be conscious.

What I find so terrible and dreadful is how humans cause all this unnecessary pain and suffering by imposing this existence at all, to suffer in this existence is the most dreadful, undeserved punishment and I find it terrifying how the torture of existing can continue for decades longer just for one to face the extreme agony of old age.

I find it so deeply undesirable to exist in every way and simply just existing is enough to make me wish for the true peace of non-existence where this evil, dreadful existence is all gone and forgotten and there's just so much evil in existing, for me non-existence is all that's positive and I want peace instead of the torture of existing and to exist truly does mean to suffer, in this torturous existence that is just waiting to die only non-existence can solve everything for me.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Time machine. My problem isn't some disease, it's regret.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

Firstly, manage my obsessive thoughts in a way that they don't prevail and the negative sensations they produce reduce their intensity. Secondly, and this is near impossible on a long term basis, avoid entering the rat race of wage slaving.
Maybe, if I'm on a psychological position favorable enough, I'll try to adapt to work, but I don't see that happening.

 

[thefarter]

oh i would need to be un-doxxed. somehow. which is impossible! so haha yeah :P blehhh

alternatively i would accept a single human being coming up to me and saying 'heyyy lowkey i know you got doxxed and i saw all your garbage and you know i totally get why you want to fucking kill yourself about all this but you know what. i think we should be friends and we can do this together :)' or something. or literally just yeah. basically. whatever both are impossible

 

[itsgone2]

I just never realized how brutal life was. How close to poverty we all are. How cruel people can be. I didn't do enough, so I'm not sure anything can help me now. I was stupid but also, I hate the cruelty of this world

Edit: i didn't answer the question. Nothing. I'm done.

 

[vergnano]

Not to live in cruel world, and not to be useless to myself and society would be good start

 

[davidtorez]

No, I'd just never wish for something as dreadful, torturous and harmful as existence that just tortures existing beings with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, to me existence is the most terrible mistake that just causes endless amounts of suffering, cruelty and torture, to exist truly is an abomination to me and every second is torture to be conscious.

What I find so terrible and dreadful is how humans cause all this unnecessary pain and suffering by imposing this existence at all, to suffer in this existence is the most dreadful, undeserved punishment and I find it terrifying how the torture of existing can continue for decades longer just for one to face the extreme agony of old age.

I find it so deeply undesirable to exist in every way and simply just existing is enough to make me wish for the true peace of non-existence where this evil, dreadful existence is all gone and forgotten and there's just so much evil in existing, for me non-existence is all that's positive and I want peace instead of the torture of existing and to exist truly does mean to suffer, in this torturous existence that is just waiting to die only non-existence can solve everything for me.

This %

 

[Jadeith]

Hmmm, let's see...
-memory wipe so i forget how much of a failure i am
-image or preference adjustments as i currently deeply hate myself. Not only looks but also voice and behavioral patterns so something needs to be done about these too.
With that out of the way i guess i'd be pretty much ok

 

[darksouls]

humanity does not exist, I am not disabled and chronically ill

 

[chaewon]

to get diagnosed soon and hopefully get proper medications to cure my fits or whatever type of episodes my brain throws, my paranoia, anxiety, and my insecurities. And also get over my traumas and forgive my girlfriend fully.

 

[PI3.14]

Nothing possible (and I mean nothing materially, physically possible, not something that technically is within the realm of possibility but that I just believe is impossible).
I'm really glad you seem to be doing a little better and considering recovery(?), compared to when we last spoke.

Sorry to hear this, was wondering if you were doing better somehow

Tbh, I'm not choosing recovery but more like I got nothing else to try for now, and suicide is extremely difficult.

Options wise, I don't have much options really, it's more of a content issue at this point, like, either accept a painful life or die, that's the options, and I'm basically paralyzed to make the decision.

Ofc we can hypothesize a scenario where things just get fixed somehow, and although such things do happen in real life, one can't count on them happening as they're mostly a result of pure luck.

I've personally interacted with 2 people on here who completely changed their minds about ctb, and decided to give life another shot. It was literally the best thing I could hope for and was sincerely happy for them.

I think we become a little desensitized as to just what it is we are discussing here, and ctb should always, always, be the last resort. It should never be a rushed or impulsive decision. All other options should be exhausted first.

If I'm honest, I believe ctb should only be decided with a rational, careful manner. We all experience the ebbs and flows of life, and sometimes things can turn around when you least expect it.

One of the users I mentioned decided to turn things around because he was able to secure a peaceful way to ctb, and this brought him comfort - knowing that if things got bad enough, he had a way out. This was so motivating for him that he mended some broken relationships with his family, started exercising and trying to take care of his health.

I don't walk in anyone else's shoes but my own, so I'm certainly not going to pretend to know what's best for any individual. I just think the decision to ctb is, without question, the biggest decision any of us will make. We mustn't forget also that there can be very real long term damage if this isn't taken seriously and done on a whim. I don't know about you, but the thought of being completely paralyzed and having to have someone else wipe my ass for the rest of my life, with no possible way to ctb out of it, would be my own personal version of hell. Plus, most people use regular toilet paper and I hate that shit. Get some wet wipes and clean that thing properly for christ sakes.

This is just my opinion, so don't beat me up for it.

For me, I have no option to turn things around. My best friend (wife) and companion for 24 years is gone, I became disabled, lost my income, can't drive, and sit in a wheelchair all day. I only look forward to stepping through that door and shedding this wardrobe we call a flesh suit.

I think it's always the right choice to think things through, deeply so, before making big decisions. However, I've heard many stories here, most are struggling with crippling circumstances or events that are either extremely difficult to fix, or basically impossible to fix.

I ofc wish everyone to live a happy life and stuff, but not sure everyone has access to that.

 

[martyrdom]

Sorry to hear this, was wondering if you were doing better somehow

Thanks, I didn't expect you to be thinking of me.

Ofc we can hypothesize a scenario where things just get fixed somehow, and although such things do happen in real life, one can't count on them happening as they're mostly a result of pure luck.

I believe therapy and medication will help you. When the problem is internal, there's more hope for it, in my view, because it's treatable in the majority of cases. I'm glad you chose to stay, regardless.

Options wise, I don't have much options really, it's more of a content issue at this point, like, either accept a painful life or die, that's the options, and I'm basically paralyzed to make the decision.

Imo, don't presuppose it will be painful. It is now, it may not be in the future. Or it may be painful, but not nearly as much. Or it may stay the same, but in the end, you will die. No matter what you do. It's not a matter of "if", just "when". Accepting that life is painful and will be painful will not save you any pain or disappointment for future unforeseen suffering, you will still feel the pain just the same even if you expected it. Teaching yourself to be accustomed to suffering is only an exercise in self-sabotage.

 

[inextremis]

A time machine and a complete personality change. Even if everything else about my life was going well I would still be depressed and self destructive. There's a part of me that will always self sabotage and poison everything good in my life. In that sense I have everything I wanted now.

 

[PI3.14]

Imo, don't presuppose it will be painful. It is now, it may not be in the future. Or it may be painful, but not nearly as much. Or it may stay the same, but in the end, you will die. No matter what you do. It's not a matter of "if", just "when". Accepting that life is painful and will be painful will not save you any pain or disappointment for future unforeseen suffering, you will still feel the pain just the same even if you expected it. Teaching yourself to be accustomed to suffering is only an exercise in self-sabotage.

I do generally agree with this, like, logically speaking, except the emotionally things are way more difficult unfortunately.

I think if my situation was only about internal state then perhaps it would've been easier, but even that isn't guaranteed actually, it's different from one person to another. Many people with objectively good life are struggling only due to internal reasons, still unable to recover though.

Having both objectively bad life and circumstances plus mental health issues is very soul crushing, don't know if this will change tbh.

Well, I'm here for now, not by choice ofc, will see what I can do with the help if my therapist, but I'm honestly not holding by breath, kinda know the outcome of it already, but I promised to give it a chance.

 

[Arvayn]

Love. I'm currently indifferent to life and death, but if I had earnest love again, I would switch sides over from being neutral to actively not wanting to die.

 

[kitkat9234]

A Time Machine and a million dollars.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't know really. I've already put in the effort to start over time and time again and I'm at the stage where not very much even appeals. It's just all methods of coping. Money would take the edge off of immediate pressures but then, it won't do much to prevent old age and illness.

Maybe morbid to say but the only guaranteed way for me to stop feeling suicidal would be for me to die. I hopefully won't have to worry about feeling anything after that.