What were your thoughts during your last suicide attempt? (OCD)

[justwannadie]

What was your thought process during your last suicide attempt? My last serious attempt, my thoughts were racing a lot and I felt extremely anxious, and I'm worried it'll happen during my final attempt. I don't want my last moments to be like that. The idea of dying makes me feel extremely calm. I feel like I have an escape, a way out. But when I'm about to do it, because I have OCD, my thoughts start to race and I start ruminating on things I don't want to. The most random, unimportant things. I can't even explain it because it makes no sense. I don't want my final thoughts to be like that. It's like, I'm about die, possibly face eternal nothingness, so my OCD makes me think of the things I don't want to, as OCD does. This isn't really as much of a problem when my attempt is angry, impulsive. But when it's planned out, calm, my OCD acts up. Can anyone relate to this at all?

 

[Asta]

50 years ago: "Get your head out of the oven, you dummy!!"

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

50 years ago: "Get your head out of the oven, you dummy!!"

haha, I long for those days

 

[Pistolero114]

I remember thinking I just want this to be over

 

[Responsibleresident]

I had fear of failure. I also had some lady cops in plainclothes encouraging me to jump. I think it was a lesbian couple that stereotype me as some bad man. One plainclothes cop walk below bridge to see if i drop anything incriminating. She did not care if i jump and die though. I doubted the height of the bridge would of been enough so i decided not to jump.

I have a domestic drone jet that is mocking me with sound effects right now. I am on a DHS watch list and the pilots use the jets to encourage us to kill ourselves and to facetiously jeer at us with sound effects the jets are designed to make intentionally. DHS is a lawless agency of brutal bullies. No one protect us from their abuse. They spy on us and taunt us and DHS domestic drones make me want to kill myself. The veterans and soldiers piloting the jets terrorizing us dont care. They are thugs with shit values who are never held responsible.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I've never even attempted suicide before. Would it be a good idea to rehearse? I have no idea what to expect and I'm afraid that if I don't, it'll only add to the shock when the time comes.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I get the most insane ocd suicidal thoughts, it sucks!
'Is the bridge high enough? What if it isnt?' 'Could the trees break my fall? Need to check to make sure' 'Is it better to jump at 10pm or midnight, or 3 am?'
'Is the rope long enough and tied strong enough?' etc etc
It drives me crazy cause I cant concentrate on what Im about to do, it has to be perfect

 

[SoupSnakes]

I remember thinking, "thank fuck I won't have to do this anymore" and just thinking how content I was with my decision