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ornitier199

Arcanist
Mar 26, 2022
413
i pick up my blade and try go for an impulsive slash across the neck to split it wide open but once again i get halted by the same bullshit leaving me to sit here to decay for who knows how longer. so this is how its going to be, a slow detah of vsed to organ failure because i cant slit my throat open enough to do it now. im not afraid of the pain, im already in it i just dont want to wait out my death any longer. something i need something to get it over with NOW.
ive deleted FK already so i have nothing there to keep me back. just need to break this bullshit si and derive on my impulse or its gonna be a long quiet and repulsively slow decay with alot of agony growns form oran failure if i dont do this now.
please dont wish me the best or suggest i put it off cause there's nothing good about this now.

what i would do to have a hitman execute me right now
 
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S

SubZero

Member
Feb 8, 2022
98
Man, I am sorry for your situation. I have too many nasty health conditions, most of them with high severity that left me disabled at 28. I still can't have the courage to CTB but I know I will do it someday and will be the stain of the whole family, because everyone else is living normally. It is a shame, but life can turn around in a blink of an eye.
 
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TheExpression

TheExpression

Member
Mar 11, 2022
17
It's those primal survival instincts that try to keep you alive, no matter how much you really do want to die. In the end, there's still a significant part of us that we can't really control. It's a matter of working around those instincts. But that's easier said than done.
 
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D

divid_enesa

Member
Mar 26, 2021
7
It's a biological impulse, your body is biased towards self preservation.
 
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rationaltake

rationaltake

I'm rocking it - in another universe
Sep 28, 2021
2,704
I understand. Do you not have access to other methods?
 
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ornitier199

Arcanist
Mar 26, 2022
413
but life can turn around in a blink of an eye.
Please not here with this.
I'm not you, you're not me.

I understand. Do you not have access to other methods?

No. This is my only method. A lethal one yeah if it weren't.
Just cause there's SI doesn't mean I cant and wont ctb that's what's for sure. eventually it will,. the root is when and how long.
i'm SH ever time i don't do it. If I cant do it, the SH'ing and vsed will catch up, and since I live alone i'll die all alone in here. throat slitting would prevent me from involuntarily hollering from any infliction. the most i'll do is gurgle on my own blood.
 
rationaltake

rationaltake

I'm rocking it - in another universe
Sep 28, 2021
2,704
No. This is my only method. A lethal one yeah if it weren't.
Just cause there's SI doesn't mean I cant and wont ctb that's what's for sure. eventually it will,. the root is when and how long.
i'm SH ever time i don't do it. If I cant do it, the SH'ing and vsed will catch up, and since I live alone i'll die all alone in here. throat slitting would prevent me from involuntarily hollering from any infliction. the most i'll do is gurgle on my own blood.
I have everything ready. I need to go.

But I'm still here.
 
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ornitier199

Arcanist
Mar 26, 2022
413
im only here because my own impluse isnt strong yet to break si. in the meantime im sh like crazy with vsed to speed up the slower process.
i have nothing
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
44,997
Suicide really is so difficult after all, and that method sounds so horrible. I know that it is awful wanting to leave this world so desperately and yet feeling like you are unable to. This life really can be torture. I hope you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens.
 
Spiritual survivor

Spiritual survivor

A born again but occasionally suicidal
Feb 13, 2022
510
God is. He must want u to remain. U must have something he wants u to do. For real this is why I believe some of us can't suicide wen we try.
 

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