Venting What the fuck do I do

[ThePollinator]

What the fuck do I do?? I've been desperate to die since I was eight. I've tried so many times but I'm a pussy and usually back out when I start feeling pain. It's not like I back out and realize I wanted to live, I just really can't handle pain. I've hung myself (partial and full suspension), before quitting because of the pain, just to try again a few seconds later. I've overdosed so many times on useless drugs that did nothing but fuck me up for a few days to a couple weeks. I can't buy SN because all of these websites won't ship to where I live, or they're charging hundreds on hundreds of dollars for shipping (which I can't afford because I'm incredibly broke and too mentally ill to drive or get a job or do anything, really). I can't even try to hang myself full-suspension or do useless drugs anymore because my family (which I live with, because I'm broke and pathetic) has locked away all the room in the house that have beams to hang from, and have set up security cameras and locked drawers and boxes with medicines and sharp objects like I'm an animal. I need to die. I don't know what to do. I've just been waiting and waiting and waiting for MAID (medical assistance in dying in Canada) to accept people with mental illnesses, but I can't wait longer, and the government assholes I believe are talking about suspending the date for accepting maid for mental illnesses further. What do I do?

 

[CarbonBased]

I totally understand why you might not want to share this, but it would be helpful if you could say where you are (or at least which region of the world). Perhaps somebody knows some provider that can ship to you without charging an unreasonable price

 

[ThePollinator]

I totally understand why you might not want to share this, but it would be helpful if you could say where you are (or at least which region of the world). Perhaps somebody knows some provider that can ship to you without charging an unreasonable price

All I will say is it's one of the tiny communities in one of the territories of Canada

 

[CarbonBased]

All I will say is it's one of the tiny communities in one of the territories of Canada

Right, I see.. This is unfortunate. I really don't know how delivery to such areas might want. Literally my only thought is that you could try to ctb outside of your house, but you probably already thought about this + this is quite a bit more difficult than doing it at home. I'm really sorry

 

[ZeroRedz02]

What the fuck do I do?? I've been desperate to die since I was eight. I've tried so many times but I'm a pussy and usually back out when I start feeling pain. It's not like I back out and realize I wanted to live, I just really can't handle pain. I've hung myself (partial and full suspension), before quitting because of the pain, just to try again a few seconds later. I've overdosed so many times on useless drugs that did nothing but fuck me up for a few days to a couple weeks. I can't buy SN because all of these websites won't ship to where I live, or they're charging hundreds on hundreds of dollars for shipping (which I can't afford because I'm incredibly broke and too mentally ill to drive or get a job or do anything, really). I can't even try to hang myself full-suspension or do useless drugs anymore because my family (which I live with, because I'm broke and pathetic) has locked away all the room in the house that have beams to hang from, and have set up security cameras and locked drawers and boxes with medicines and sharp objects like I'm an animal. I need to die. I don't know what to do. I've just been waiting and waiting and waiting for MAID (medical assistance in dying in Canada) to accept people with mental illnesses, but I can't wait longer, and the government assholes I believe are talking about suspending the date for accepting maid for mental illnesses further. What do I do?

Get to dying is a question of head