Help What should i order - rope or n?

[therhydler]

I will just say at the start that I am 100% certain about this and would like to leave as soon as possible. I am desperate.

I know the decision is mine in the end but it is heartening to know that I can write about this here openly and hear your opinions. In reality I have to wear a mask nonstop and pretend I am improving.

I have narrowed it down to two options: N or hanging. I would be able to order N right after christmas (right now I don't have the money), or I could order a rope now. The thing is, after my first suicide attempt I have been left somewhat crippled, my mum has moved back in with me to help me and to keep an eye on me. I do not want her to get suspicious about any packages... so in the meantime I am ordering random stuff off the internet so that it does not come as a surprise that a package comes to me.

Of course I would rather have N, but the disadvantages are a) the risk that it will not come or the risk that I will get a warning... I don't know how likely this is? If it happened my family would really ensure that I don't have the chance to do anything to myself again and I am terrifeid of this b) It will take more time. I do not care for the money.

Or I could order a rope now. I would probably try first with partial but I have a feeling it won't work. I would have to go for full though I really don't like the thought of it... but if I have to I will. I am home alone for 8 hours when my mum is at work so that should be enough time.

Or I could order N (private courier), wait for it, and if it doesnt come order a rope. BUT on the 23rd of January I am meant to be going for 3 weeks to hospital for rehabilitation. I do NOT intend to go. I must be gone by then. Plus in my flat now I have a good place to hang, but I am changing flat later and I might not have one

Of course I could order the rope now and then the N anyway, but I am terrified my mum will find it or will want to know what is in the package when it comes... and if she does she will never trust me again and I will be under much stricter suicide watch. Then the chances of succeeding with N are much lower

What would you guys do in my position? Sorry for the length of this :( I would be happy to hear any opinions. My breaking point was before my last attempt and now I am way past breaking point, every second I am screaming in agony inside

 

[Lady black]

I think I would buy a rope, maybe a jumping rope, it´s not that suspicious

 

[therhydler]

I think I would buy a rope, maybe a jumping rope, it´s not that suspicious

unfortunately my mum will immediately get suspicious because she knows about my suicidal thoughts :/

 

[15dec]

I'd probably order N and a rope just to have both options. You could try to order rope with next day/selected day delivery so you can get it when your mum isn't home so she doesn't find out. I'm not sure but I think you need a PO Box to order N so I doubt your mum would find out if you order it.

 

[Lady black]

The problem with N is the customs in europe, it´s very risky to order it. Maybe you are able to go to a shop and buy a rope?

 

[therhydler]

I'd probably order N and a rope just to have both options. You could try to order rope with next day/selected day delivery so you can get it when your mum isn't home so she doesn't find out. I'm not sure but I think you need a PO Box to order N so I doubt your mum would find out if you order it.

Some people here have ordered to their home address and said you don't need a PO box... I would have no idea how to get one, plus I would not be able to get to the post office on my own :(( Thank you for your reply, yes I might order the rope and will have to hope it comes when she is not here...

 

[OkTotti]

depending on the custom restrictions in your country, there is no guarantee that you will receive N. before the 23rd of January

 

[Lady black]

So good luck with the rope, and may you find your peace

 

[15dec]

Some people here have ordered to their home address and said you don't need a PO box... I would have no idea how to get one, plus I would not be able to get to the post office on my own :(( Thank you for your reply, yes I might order the rope and will have to hope it comes when she is not here...

When I ordered my rope I got it with next day delivery so it came when my mum was out luckily, hopefully it'll work out the same for you. I ordered marlow doublebraid since it's really strong, in case you're wondering what kind to get

 

[therhydler]

The problem with N is the customs in europe, it´s very risky to order it. Maybe you are able to go to a shop and buy a rope?

unfortunately I can't get to the shop on my own :( though maybe I could push myself to do it.... it will be difficult but maybe I can try. Yeah I know about the customs but most people here seem to have gotten theirs so maybe there is hope.... I don't know how it is in my country though (Poland)

 

[therhydler]

When I ordered my rope I got it with next day delivery so it came when my mum was out luckily, hopefully it'll work out the same for you. I ordered marlow doublebraid since it's really strong, in case you're wondering what kind to get

Thank you! I hope I will have luck

 

[Amira]

Some people here have ordered to their home address and said you don't need a PO box... I would have no idea how to get one, plus I would not be able to get to the post office on my own :(( Thank you for your reply, yes I might order the rope and will have to hope it comes when she is not here...

What about SN?

 

[therhydler]

What about SN?

Yeah, I thought about that too, but I think ordering it is as risky as ordering a rope (my mum would get suspicious) and I think out of the two: full hanging and Sn, full hanging is more reliable. Both things are scary to me though. but I am a bit distrustful of the SN, though I have read a lot about it.... But I guess it is an option as well

 

[TiredHorse]

If you're worried about your mother growing suspicious at the arrival of some rope, and you have a little extra money for a diversion/cover story, order a copy of this first, and when it arrives let her see you getting excited about it:

https://www.amazon.com/Marlinspike-Sailor-Hervey-Garrett-Smith/dp/0070592187/

Then, when a chunk of rope appears, she can put two and two together and decide you've taken up fancy ropework.

 

[therhydler]

If you're worried about your mother growing suspicious at the arrival of some rope, and you have a little extra money for a diversion/cover story, order a copy of this first, and when it arrives let her see you getting excited about it:

https://www.amazon.com/Marlinspike-Sailor-Hervey-Garrett-Smith/dp/0070592187/

Then, when a chunk of rope appears, she can put two and two together and decide you've taken up fancy ropework.

I'm not sure she would fall for it, but its a creative idea anyway... will consider. Thank you :)

 

[Xaphous]

You could possibly have a rope delivered to a pickup location, skipping rope even for less suspicion. I know Amazon do drop off locations, some retail stores allow you to purchase online and pickup in-store. You could then open the package, wrap the rope around your body hidden under a coat.

 

[therhydler]

You could possibly have a rope delivered to a pickup location, skipping rope even for less suspicion. I know Amazon do drop off locations, some retail stores allow you to purchase online and pickup in-store. You could then open the package, wrap the rope around your body hidden under a coat.

this is a good idea, only problem is I don't know if I would be able to get there by myslef (I have only walked really short distances so far after the "accident")... though maybe its worth a try

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Are antiemtics for nembutal available over the counter where you live? As for sn you don't have to order it online you can just go to a chemistry or science shop, that's where I got it. Wouldn't want to risk paying so much for nembutal and it not arriving or being found. Also, wouldn't risk hanging; hearing so many horror stories about it have put me off that method for good. But to each his own, hope you succeed and find peace in whatever you choose:)

 

[Kdawg2018]

What if you get a rope or clothes line delivered? Use a grocery app or uber, call the driver, tell them u pay extra cash to bring u the item, get delivered while alone

 

[therhydler]

Are antiemtics for nembutal available over the counter where you live? As for sn you don't have to order it online you can just go to a chemistry or science shop, that's where I got it. Wouldn't want to risk paying so much for nembutal and it not arriving or being found. Also, wouldn't risk hanging; hearing so many horror stories about it have put me off that method for good. But to each his own, hope you succeed and find peace in whatever you choose:)

Thank you:) I ordered primperan from ebay like many people here, still waiting for it, hope it comes. I don't really care for the money since I will be hopefully gone soon anyway. I can understand about the hanging, though if I can ensure that I won't be found for 8 hours and I have a good setup and will do full I think there is a good chance...

 

[therhydler]

What if you get a rope or clothes line delivered? Use a grocery app or uber, call the driver, tell them u pay extra cash to bring u the item, get delivered while alone

That's a good idea, thank you

 

[therhydler]

Yes I just found out that there is a nautical store 10 mins from where I am staying (I can only walk short distances). They will have decent ropes won't they? How can I not look suspicious? I will have to look like I know what I'm doing...

 

[OkTotti]

Yes I just found out that there is a nautical store 10 mins from where I am staying (I can only walk short distances). They will have decent ropes won't they? How can I not look suspicious? I will have to look like I know what I'm doing...

You're overthinking. Just go in and buy your ropes.. no one will ask questions

 

[therhydler]

You're overthinking. Just go in and buy your ropes.. no one will ask questions

But is it a good place to buy a rope? Will they have nylon ropes?

 

[Lady black]

Maybe they have nylon or polypropylen ropes, they could also hve cotton ropes, all will work. and don´t think too much. You are there to buy somethin you need, not to kill yourself. Like everybody oes there, when they buy a rope. Ropes are not weapons, so it´s not illegal or uncommon to buy a rope

 

[OkTotti]

But is it a good place to buy a rope? Will they have nylon ropes?

You're 10 minutes away, perhaps you can go in and check it out?

 

[therhydler]

You're 10 minutes away, perhaps you can go in and check it out?

Will probably have to get a taxi anyway because I can hardly walk ;) But yeah will probably do that tomorrow

 

[OkTotti]

Will probably have to get a taxi anyway because I can hardly walk ;) But yeah will probably do that tomorrow

Sorry to hear but you're also in Poland and I'm in the US ...and it's a store in your neighborhood.... i hope you find what you're looking for

 

[Severen]

U.K. customs seems really anal so... EDIT: Nevermind. I thought you are in the U.K. but just read you are in Poland.

 

[Severen]

I'm not sure she would fall for it, but its a creative idea anyway... will consider. Thank you :)

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