what now?

[cantthinkofusername]

i planned on ending it today
made a solution of 25g potassium nitrite, 100 ml water
i had a sip
i poured the rest out
i don't know why
i couldn't do it
it's been maybe half an hour
i regret it
so what now ?

id just order more and try again but i don't think it'd change anything
dying is scary
but i don't wanna live anymore and i can't remember the last time i did
i don't want it to hurt anymore
how do i make it stop
i consider opioids a lot but i dont want people to think I'm a drug addict even if im dead

 

[Odwin]

You aint ready yet. Which isnt bad.

 

[shineboy2k15taliban]

its always a smart idea to practice with salt before drinking the actual SN just so you know what to expect or get used to it if you do it several times

 

[Mooncry]

You aint ready yet. Which isnt bad.

A person can be ready and still be holding on by the thread of SI. Speaking from experience. Having someone tell me I'm "not ready" while not knowing how badly I want to die but don't due to a primitive biological factor is very invalidating.

It's okay to be scared, OP. Death is scary. It takes nerves of steel to be able to CTB by your own hand without anything to numb the fear. Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[roommate]

its always a smart idea to practice with salt before drinking the actual SN just so you know what to expect or get used to it if you do it several times

idk man, I've also seen some claims against this...

 

[shineboy2k15taliban]

idk man, I've also seen some claims against this...

what claims

 

[roommate]

what claims

further down this topic

Just did an “SN” test run

Before anyone freaks out, SN is in quotes for a reason. I used normal table salt. I didn't do an exact tablespoon measurement, I just dumped a good amount into a small cup of 35 ml water. Then down the hatch. I was able to get all of it down in two big gulps. It burned like a mf going down and...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Pale_Rider]

On my last attempt SI hounded down to the last second it seemed. It powerful. That's why it's called an instinct.

 

[timechained]

Was it really the fear of dying, or was it the fear of what the potassium nitrite would do to you?

Being stuck is the worst, I am currently in your same position. I know I want to die because I hate living and yet there are methods I can attempt but I just can't commit.

 

[Pale_Rider]

All I can say is for me my successful attempt used opiates. I was alive with adrenaline at first, but then as I lie down filled with emotion. I have DID, and one of my personalities was able to clamp down on those, and send us out in relative peace. We were concerned about where we would be waking up. Orders were given that all should return to the cell if we get broken up. I had been listening to creed my own prison at the time, and was concerned we could be broken up, and we would need to be together for whatever came next. I have no memories of what was "next" . Just pure black.

 

[Mooncry]

further down this topic

Just did an “SN” test run

Before anyone freaks out, SN is in quotes for a reason. I used normal table salt. I didn't do an exact tablespoon measurement, I just dumped a good amount into a small cup of 35 ml water. Then down the hatch. I was able to get all of it down in two big gulps. It burned like a mf going down and...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Heyy, my post <3 Anyway, someone debunked that in the replies. The AI the person used for those claims was exaggerating. I understand sodium poisoning is a thing, but it takes a ton to even come close to lethal

 

[shineboy2k15taliban]

The AI the person used for those claims was exaggerating. I understand sodium poisoning is a thing, but it takes a ton to even come close to lethal

knew it. i use AI a lot and when it comes to things like these its dogshit, i just didn't say anything cuz i didn't have any actual evidence

 

[Odwin]

A person can be ready and still be holding on by the thread of SI. Speaking from experience. Having someone tell me I'm "not ready" while not knowing how badly I want to die but don't due to a primitive biological factor is very invalidating.

It's okay to be scared, OP. Death is scary. It takes nerves of steel to be able to CTB by your own hand without anything to numb the fear. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Funny thing about CTB is if you can do that. You literally can do anything. I don't know what could be harder.

 

[bankai]

So it wasn't the taste that made you throw it out?That's good. At least for some, that's the hardest part.