I wish I had access to a guaranteed, painless method, it'd bring me so much peace and relief from this futile and torturous existence where I'm just hoping and waiting to not exist anyway and I'd just always prefer to not exist than suffer so unnecessarily in this existence I always saw as the most terrible mistake just to die in agony tortured by old age which is why I see so much cruelty in how the suffering and torture of human existence is seen as to force and prolong no matter what even know it all just leads to decay and death anyway. I'd just never wish to suffer in this existence rather all I hope for is to never exist ever again, I wish I had access to painless poison as all I wish for is to never wake, I just hope for an eternal sleep free from all cruelty and suffering.