Discussion What made you decide that you seriously wanted to CBT?

[Mimikyuu]

Hi I'm new to the forum, been having severe depression since I was 10 on top of that I suffered sa and domestic violence from my dad, now I've grown up into a horribly maladapted adult.
I don't like being negative and I always try to look at the good things in my life, I have my mother who always tries to support me despite my massive fuck ups and i really want to believe I'm not a lost case but I'm very tired and I just don't see myself doing this for many more years. I'm terribly scared of dying and I don't know what to do but everyday is hell and I don't want to hurt anyone. What about all of you? Are you still clinging on to something or hare you sure there's not a way out? When or what is it that convinced you that you wanted to CBT?

 

[Unending]

I've considered ctb increasingly with time as I realized that my case is seemingly untreatable. Been through all treatments short of Ect and I don't want to take that risk considering that my already compromised cognitive function is important to me. I guess it's just that feeling of effort not getting me anywhere despite some really serious will power and thought going into recovery in the past.

And I understand, death is definitely really scary as well as the idea of leaving everything we know. I'm sorry you're encountering such problems that create the need for you to find SaSu but I hope that having an account here is comforting to you/gives you a good place to vent and such.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that ctb is the best option as I don't believe that existence is worth enduring and it could never be. I want nothing to do with something that is so useless and unnecessary as life, and the very nature of existence is what I despise. In my case I've never wished to be here, and I simply don't see existence as being appealing in any way, I don't wish to suffer and age.

The thought of non existence has always appealed to me as there are no disadvantages to being dead and to die solves every problem. I do actually believe that the true problem is life itself, so only death could be the solution for me. Existence is something that is harmful and best avoided and wanting to escape this hellish world makes sense to me. I'm not meant for existing in any way so of course thoughts of suicide are the natural response to me being here in this world.
The only reason as to why I'm still here is because actually going through with suicide is something that is very difficult for me, if I had a method like N I would be long gone at this point.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had ideation to varying degrees for 33 years. I've hung on mainly for a few close family members and friends. Up until fairly recently, my creative job was the one thing keeping me afloat. It meant the world to me. It was actually enough to keep me going. It's financially a disaster though- and the ideation has become incredibly intense the past 8 months. Really now- I'm all set to go but I'm just stuck in this ridiculous limbo, waiting for my Dad to go first. The next- however long I've got to wait is either (and more likely) to feel very surreal- as I start in a new job- or- it may end up being my saving grace and turn everything around. I find the last option unlikely but who knows really? Life's weird.

 

[StringPuppet]

Hi, welcome to the forum. Sorry about what you've been through. Whatever you decide to do I think it's good to remember that recovery's always an option as it sounds like you still may be unsure.

As for me I don't think there was any single thing that made me seriously decide I want to CTB, instead it's the accumulation of years and years worth of severe social anxiety and depression. I'm 26 now and realize that I'd 100% be better off dead than mentally struggling. I know it's possible to live with these things but I just don't have it in me to try. Not wanting to devastate my mom is pretty much the only thing keeping me here. I know she'd seriously be broken if I CTB. Aside from that I personally don't really have any qualms about dying.