Discussion What kind of things are you guys doing in preparation for when you CTB, if any?

[toolateforme]

I've finally got my method down (night night), although I might keep practicing just to make sure I have it down right so I don't end up wasting too much time when the time actually comes. Now that I've done that I get to work on other things, like spending as much time with my friends and family as much as reasonably possible without setting off red flags. Going to take a long walk later in the day. I'll also be deleting some accounts of mine before I do it. I've already gotten rid of all my social media except for this forum and an instant messaging app, stopped taking my meds. Will probably be drinking every day, maybe smoking weed too cause fuck it. Slowly giving things away to people. How about you guys?

 

[deathxoxo]

i'm clueless & new but what's the night night method if you don't mind me asking? I've done most of the same, i've deleted all my social media accounts besides youtube, tumblr & this site. I gave my brother his stuff back (computer to sell, clothes, headphones, speaker, etc) next i'm giving my counselor everything back she's given me over this past year along with a note. I spent time with my only real friend this past weekend so that's taken care of. i'm painful missing someone that I had to cut off for this situation, but it will be worth it in the end. I thought about writing her a separate letter as i'm doing for some people but I realize that may hurt even more you know. I didn't want her or anyone for that matter to be emotional attached to someone who killed themselves. I don't know why I wrote this out, but i've been looking forum like this where I can just talk without feeling any shame for my decision. I've been almost 5 months sober, another pack of cigarettes would be nice lmao.

 

[toolateforme]

i'm clueless & new but what's the night night method if you don't mind me asking? I've done most of the same, i've deleted all my social media accounts besides youtube, tumblr & this site. I gave my brother his stuff back (computer to sell, clothes, headphones, speaker, etc) next i'm giving my counselor everything back she's given me over this past year along with a note. I spent time with my only real friend this past weekend so that's taken care of. i'm painful missing someone that I had to cut off for this situation, but it will be worth it in the end. I thought about writing her a separate letter as i'm doing for some people but I realize that may hurt even more you know. I didn't want her or anyone for that matter to be emotional attached to someone who killed themselves. I don't know why I wrote this out, but i've been looking forum like this where I can just talk without feeling any shame for my decision. I've been almost 5 months sober, another pack of cigarettes would be nice lmao.

Welcome to the forum! The night night method is basically compressing the sweet spots where the carotid arteries in your neck split into the internal and external arteries, using some kind of object like cornhole bags or rolled up socks to press them & using an endless ratchet strap (and gorilla tape if you want to make sure they stay in place) to make sure they remain compressed until you die. The reason this sweet spot (I believe it's officially called the carotid sinus or carotid bifurcation?) is to be compressed is because it 1) prevents oxygen from going to your brain and 2) slows down the heart. You pass out within 15-20 seconds and it's pretty comfortable compared to methods like partial or full suspension. Doesn't compress the wind pipe since it's a "blood choke", so you won't feel like you're suffocating. There's more information here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-night-night-method-mega-thread.6834/
If you try this just make sure no one can find you. Death occurs within the hour, pretty quickly, but if someone rescues you you could very much end up in an irreversible vegetative state.

 

[First loss]

I started smoking and stopped giving a fuck about everything.

 

[deathxoxo]

Welcome to the forum! The night night method is basically compressing the sweet spots where the carotid arteries in your neck split into the internal and external arteries, using some kind of object like cornhole bags or rolled up socks to press them & using an endless ratchet strap (and gorilla tape if you want to make sure they stay in place) to make sure they remain compressed until you die. The reason this sweet spot (I believe it's officially called the carotid sinus or carotid bifurcation?) is to be compressed is because it 1) prevents oxygen from going to your brain and 2) slows down the heart. You pass out within 15-20 seconds and it's pretty comfortable compared to methods like partial or full suspension. Doesn't compress the wind pipe since it's a "blood choke", so you won't feel like you're suffocating. There's more information here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-night-night-method-mega-thread.6834/
If you try this just make sure no one can find you. Death occurs within the hour, pretty quickly, but if someone rescues you you could very much end up in an irreversible vegetative state.

Thank you so much!

 

[Weems]

Getting rid of all my shit so the landlord doesn't have to deal with it. I'm nice like that. Also, I don't want to leave clues. No scribblings other than my suicide note, no books, pictures, etc. I doubt anyone would care, but still, I feel better thinking no one will know much about my state of soul. Cuz it's real bad and has been for years.

 

[marcusuk63]

Getting rid of all my shit so the landlord doesn't have to deal with it. I'm nice like that. Also, I don't want to leave clues. No scribblings other than my suicide note, no books, pictures, etc. I doubt anyone would care, but still, I feel better thinking no one will know much about my state of soul. Cuz it's real bad and has been for years.

i have done that too , even all my old (paper) photos and drawings , i have even whittled all my kitchenware to a bare minimum , two months ago you would have needed two 7.5 ton trucks to pack my stuff now you would get it all in a Ford Transit

 

[JadedGray]

Once I have either SN or N and the anti-emetics and Tagamet, I will be booking a hotel room and writing a note to put on the bathroom door, so that no one who works there will have to find my body. I'll fast and follow the anti-emetic regimen. I will probably listen to some music while I'm lying in the bathroom waiting for death. I might take a blanket to wrap myself in, while I lay in the bathtub in my pajamas. I'll be writing a suicide note for my parents and hide it in my room until I'm gone. The last week before I CTB, I'll just spend time with them and my dog before I go. I'll be resetting my computer back to the default factory settings. My parents can decide which of my belongings they want to keep and the others they can either donate or throw away.

 

[toolateforme]

I think what I hate the most about the preparations leading up until the day I CTB is having to wear a mask around everyone. My parents have been talking about the future a lot, showing me old family photos and reminiscing about the past, talking about what they'd like to do for my birthday. I feel so fucking guilty doing this but I have to do it. I hope they'll forgive me one day, I really do.

 

[Andthesunsank]

Putting on a front of being fine with bombastic joy. Ive written about 4 notes over the past 5 years, had a date with death and a first class dinner comprised of a 7.62. Everytime I backed out.

Just drifitng through the malaise of life till I can get the willpower to blast my brain.

 

[Vegrau]

Just do whatever I want. No reservation. No holding back. I wont turn away and look the other side either. I just let my emotions flow freely and do whatever that pleases me. I tried to atone for my past mistakes and actually try to be better, to live on and have hope but nooo no no no no. I am not even allowed to do that so fck it all lol

I lock all my files and delete some. Clean all the traces online. Lock my phone so no one can open it. Just disable the usb debugging. Clean and tidy up my room. Pack the stuff. Told everyone I know I am going to kill myself. Told family I want cremation. Moved 2000km from home so they cannot move my body back and had no choice but to cremate me. Stay years after years without contact with family so they get used to me not being there. Used up all the usable and act like everything is fine and peachy.

 

[LastFlowers]

Make sure I delete everything on my phone, and any other device, get rid of all pictures past a certain age, trash anything I've written that will only be taken the wrong way and misunderstood. Basically a "clean up".
There are some pictures I can't get ahold of like another relative's wedding album but can only hope someone in my family respects my wishes enough to never let what ever is left to see the light of day. And to read whatever kind of letter I decide to leave behind and abide by it. "Listen" to it.
Maybe find some small ways to "say goodbye" to people. Even though I have conflicting feelings about everyone in my life. Luckily birthdays and holidays have gone by and I have bought my immediate family several things. And hugged my siblings which almost never happens. This while having either a hood and/or scarf over my face so just picture that.
I also need to find a way for there not to be an open casket. I would be rolling in my grave at that one. I believe in nothing past death but for that, I'm sure my body would still find a way to roll..even if it became ashes.

 

[Final Escape]

Getting rid of all my shit so the landlord doesn't have to deal with it. I'm nice like that. Also, I don't want to leave clues. No scribblings other than my suicide note, no books, pictures, etc. I doubt anyone would care, but still, I feel better thinking no one will know much about my state of soul. Cuz it's real bad and has been for years.

Yea this was what I was thinking too.

 

[Allpainnogain]

What's so sad is I have no energy or motivation to take care of anything that's how deep the depression is

 

[Escaper Boy]

I cleaned up the files in my laptop, making sure there aren't any "sensitive/personal" data that I don't want others to see. I don't really worry about online accounts because they are password protected by default anyway. I disposed my journal to keep my private thoughts stay private. I only need to remember to reset my phone before I ctb.

 

[JadedGray]

I cleaned up the files in my laptop, making sure there aren't any "sensitive/personal" data that I don't want others to see. I don't really worry about online accounts because they are password protected by default anyway. I disposed my journal to keep my private thoughts stay private. I only need to remember to reset my phone before I ctb.

I wish I had remembered to do that after a failed attempt I had done in the moment. The police ended up confiscating my journal and wouldn't give it back until they had read everything. It was mainly poetry, but it was still embarrassing and an invasion of my privacy. I ended up getting it back 1 month later, but after that I just threw it out because I was so upset.

 

[dolphin]

I think what I hate the most about the preparations leading up until the day I CTB is having to wear a mask around everyone. My parents have been talking about the future a lot, showing me old family photos and reminiscing about the past, talking about what they'd like to do for my birthday. I feel so fucking guilty doing this but I have to do it. I hope they'll forgive me one day, I really do.

I feel exactly the same way. I am making plans with friends and I think that my mom thinks that it is a positive sign and my mood is better :( God this is so sickening ... euthanasia should be legal, this is fucking traumatic