Just before I could get married to my then fiance I met a colleague who asked me to marry him..he wasn't good looking, wasn't smart but I still got into an affair with him...i really don't know why because I was not in love or anything..it continued for a bit even after I got married and then I stopped. Almost immediately someone else liked me and I didn't even like him that much but I slept with him. It ended with that...just slept once with him. He left the city after that and I never kept in touch. Got pregnant with my husband and we were very happy for about 4 years. Then another colleague liked me and started messaging me. I didn't have sex but did some physical stuff with him until my husband found out. He still took me back. Forgave me unconditionally. We had a happy life for 10 years.
Then 2 years ago I cheated again with his own nephew...thought it was love... didn't stop till it became known.
My question is why??? Why didn't I learn from my mistakes? Why did I fall into the same trap again and again.. putting my husband through the same devastation again and again.
I had bpd its true..but i also had a brain. Couldn't I use it to figure out that all affairs are exposed at the end?
Am I so stupid? I've completely wrecked my life to the point of no return.
I analysed my behaviour and realised that it was the people pleasing that did me in. I was just unable not to please people who liked me. Felt I owed them something. Felt incapable of denying them. Also yes there was attraction ..I don't deny.
Why...why...why... there's just no honest answer except that I'm stupid and a bad person who destroyed lives
Also I think I was extremely low on self awareness. I never thought much about me as a person doing these things. I just did them impulsively without thinking and then got drawn in
Then 2 years ago I cheated again with his own nephew...thought it was love... didn't stop till it became known.
My question is why??? Why didn't I learn from my mistakes? Why did I fall into the same trap again and again.. putting my husband through the same devastation again and again.
I had bpd its true..but i also had a brain. Couldn't I use it to figure out that all affairs are exposed at the end?
Am I so stupid? I've completely wrecked my life to the point of no return.
I analysed my behaviour and realised that it was the people pleasing that did me in. I was just unable not to please people who liked me. Felt I owed them something. Felt incapable of denying them. Also yes there was attraction ..I don't deny.
Why...why...why... there's just no honest answer except that I'm stupid and a bad person who destroyed lives
Also I think I was extremely low on self awareness. I never thought much about me as a person doing these things. I just did them impulsively without thinking and then got drawn in
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