Venting what itll be like after im gone

[HorfPill]

when i kill myself, i know my best friend will be completely crushed, but what hurts more to think about is that her gf, also a good friend of mine, will probably be more focused on supporting my best friend through the grief, instead of grieving herself.

i know its a wildly selfish thought, why would i wish to impose grief on my loved ones, but still, jealousy and insecurity around not being the center of attention is all thats going through my mind rn

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

It sucks but in the end, thats the price everyone pays for living

 

[HorfPill]

could you elaborate a bit? im sorry, im just not sure i get what u mean

 

[tonicer]

when i kill myself, i know my best friend will be completely crushed, but what hurts more to think about is that her gf, also a good friend of mine, will probably be more focused on supporting my best friend through the grief, instead of grieving herself.

i know its a wildly selfish thought, why would i wish to impose grief on my loved ones, but still, jealousy and insecurity around not being the center of attention is all thats going through my mind rn

You have friends? That's impressive. I lost all the friends i ever made due to me being a weirdo. I wish i wouldn't push everyone away like that.

 

[HorfPill]

You have friends? That's impressive. I lost all the friends i ever made due to me being a weirdo. I wish i wouldn't push everyone away like that.

i feel for you, i really do, but its pretty insensitive to say that, as its completely unrelated to what i started my thread with.
pretty shitty

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

could you elaborate a bit? im sorry, im just not sure i get what u mean

Like we pay the price for living by watching people die, move away, leave or other forms of suffering regarding or relationships with people, death is the great equalizer at the end of the day, no one lives forever.

Those people will care about will suffer if we ctb but at the end of the day everyone dies, some earlier than expected

 

[tonicer]

i feel for you, i really do, but its pretty insensitive to say that, as its completely unrelated to what i started my thread with.
pretty shitty

Sorry about that (i guess this is exactly why i can't keep friendships alive) i just don't understand how it's possible to keep friends around when you are suicidal. What is your secret? Do you hide it from them?

 

[HorfPill]

Sorry about that (i guess this is exactly why i can't keep friendships alive) i just don't understand how it's possible to keep friends around when you are suicidal. What is your secret? Do you hide it from them?

alright, im sorry if my reply was too rude, i get what you mean now.
yes, i hide the severity from the majority of them, but all my friends have struggled with suicidality at atleast one point in their lives, and we all joke about it freely.
when it comes to my actual situation, i only confide in one of my friends who has made it abundantly clear that she's alright with that sort of discussion, and actively encourages me to share with her.
that person is the same best friend i mentioned above.
i cant give you solid advice because i dont really know you or your history, but just knowing when to be quiet about it and when its appropriate to share is important. if you notice your friends are having an issue with the way you act, ask them outright what is bothering them and how you can address it

 

[tonicer]

alright, im sorry if my reply was too rude, i get what you mean now.
yes, i hide the severity from the majority of them, but all my friends have struggled with suicidality at atleast one point in their lives, and we all joke about it freely.
when it comes to my actual situation, i only confide in one of my friends who has made it abundantly clear that she's alright with that sort of discussion, and actively encourages me to share with her.
that person is the same best friend i mentioned above.
i cant give you solid advice because i dont really know you or your history, but just knowing when to be quiet about it and when its appropriate to share is important. if you notice your friends are having an issue with the way you act, ask them outright what is bothering them and how you can address it

Thank you for the reply and it's okay i am used to people being rude to me. If i ever make another friend i will try my best to not overwhelm them with it.