I do not even have a main plan at the moment, I am still suffering as it is difficult for me to leave, the fear of failure is what holds me back. Maybe eventually I will get desperate enough. No matter what happens, at least I will die someday and return to the nothingness where I belong, however the thought of potentially having to deal with this life for decades is horrifying to me. It hurts me being alive and all I want is to not feel anything anymore.