Arvayn
Face the end.
- Nov 11, 2025
- 215
TL;DR: Suicidal because of the loss of my partner combined with general existential disillusionment.
My suicidality was provoked primarily by the abrupt loss of my partner, though it was more of a mix of different negative circumstances that happened in a very short span of time and compounded together. Being robbed of my biggest coping mechanism against it was only the final nail in the coffin.
My motivation for being suicidal was not to avoid the suffering that I was experiencing. I believe that death, and by extension suicide, does not alleviate me of any suffering. It simply erases me. It cannot help me if there is no me in the first place.
Rather, I do not believe in attributing inherent or intrinsic value to anything, and that includes life. I do not have a great attachment to my life; I have an attachment to the things in the world that I enjoy. At that time, I was left with absolutely nothing that interested me or motivated me. So, I didn't have any problem with checking out.
I eventually discovered new hobbies and passions after recovering from the depressive slump and returned to my baseline, though my mental did suffer scars for it. I will never be the same tranquil person I was in the past. I will not hesitate to consider suicide again if I end up aimless and dissatisfied a second time. Until then, I am happy to drift through my life, and I will be equally happy if I end up dying regardless. I have no preference; I have recovered and I am not suicidal anymore, but I am not shy of death.
My suicidality was provoked primarily by the abrupt loss of my partner, though it was more of a mix of different negative circumstances that happened in a very short span of time and compounded together. Being robbed of my biggest coping mechanism against it was only the final nail in the coffin.
My motivation for being suicidal was not to avoid the suffering that I was experiencing. I believe that death, and by extension suicide, does not alleviate me of any suffering. It simply erases me. It cannot help me if there is no me in the first place.
Rather, I do not believe in attributing inherent or intrinsic value to anything, and that includes life. I do not have a great attachment to my life; I have an attachment to the things in the world that I enjoy. At that time, I was left with absolutely nothing that interested me or motivated me. So, I didn't have any problem with checking out.
I eventually discovered new hobbies and passions after recovering from the depressive slump and returned to my baseline, though my mental did suffer scars for it. I will never be the same tranquil person I was in the past. I will not hesitate to consider suicide again if I end up aimless and dissatisfied a second time. Until then, I am happy to drift through my life, and I will be equally happy if I end up dying regardless. I have no preference; I have recovered and I am not suicidal anymore, but I am not shy of death.
