What is therapy like?

[CoolGuy9]

Gonna get some help soon, because I really don't wanna ctb, but I don't know what to expect.

 

[elfonashelf]

Good for you! I've talked with multiple therapists and had varying experiences. I no longer see one, but the one I saw most recently made me feel like I was being heard. My friend who goes to therapy said it's really helped her. I think it's all about finding a good match!

 

[Santiago]

The ones I experienced were exactly like I expected. People who have a degree and just apply what they learned in college and assume it works without looking at the individual and his/her thoughts.

Very cliché.

 

[CoolGuy9]

Good for you! I've talked with multiple therapists and had varying experiences. I no longer see one, but the one I saw most recently made me feel like I was being heard. My friend who goes to therapy said it's really helped her. I think it's all about finding a good match!

Has a therapist ever made you see yourself in a different way?

 

[Memento Mori]

if you're not ready for it then it's like shoving up a baseball bat deep into your bowel, no lube.

it depends on where you land, it may vary from clinic to clinic. you know the horror stories, but you also know the stories of people who found "back to life". you live in the US? i can only speak a bit about german clinics.

 

[Santiago]

Keep in mind though that I am very skeptical of therapists so yeah it might work for you. Try it.

I just don't see how my complex issues can be solved by their simplistic methods.

 

[CoolGuy9]

if you're not ready for it then it's like shoving up a baseball bat deep into your bowel, no lube.

it depends on where you land, it may vary from clinic to clinic. you know the horror stories, but you also know the stories of people who found "back to life". you live in the US? i can only speak a bit about german clinics.

I live in finland. People always seem to say that the system here is one of the best which gives me a bit of hope.

 

[Meretlein]

Just make it clear to your therapist that you don't want to ctb. It would suck to be committed.

 

[elfonashelf]

Has a therapist ever made you see yourself in a different way?

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this, but I guess you could say she helped me see the problem/situation I presented to her from a different perspective. I liked her because she never forced or subtlety talk me into doing something I wasn't comfortable with.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

For me it was like being on a diet and being FAMISHED, but then following the common advice to not eat, instead drink water ('cause, you know, you're not really hungry, you're thirsty).

 

[CoolGuy9]

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this, but I guess you could say she helped me see the problem/situation I presented to her from a different perspective. I liked her because she never forced or subtlety talk me into doing something I wasn't comfortable with.

It's just that I don't really feel like I know myself. I'm not really sure what my personality is like and I don't really know what mental health problems I have and it's driving me insane. Getting a new perspective would be nice and interesting.

 

[Misanthrope]

I can't tell you what to expect because you are dealing with the randomness that is other people and organisations. There are some therapists out there that are great and others that are entirely inept and you wonder what they are doing in that job. It also depends on what type of therapy you are intending to get as there are a lot of different varieties. Some fit nicely for the person in question others feel entirely insulting. We are all different and so your experience will vary. Do you happen to know at this stage what type you are going for?

I can only suggest you give it a go. Have four sessions or so and see if you click with the person at all before ditching it. This is the most important factor, feeling like you are dealing with someone you can have an open dialogue with. If you don't feel that connection simply get another one. Roll the dice till you find the right person.

I have had some good personal experiences with therapists who have helped me especially with working through finding self-identity on the other side of growing up in an abusive household. The thing with therapy though is it can feel awful as it stirs things up, prods at emotion and pain and attempts to pull away from the lies we tell ourselves or coping mechanisms we use to not face hard things. It is going to be a journey full of ups and downs and days you won't want to continue.

Therapy is also not a magic fix, it simply gives you tools and better self-awareness. If you are fortunate you will be given tools that work for you. It is a bit like they hold up a mirror and show you the dark corners of yourself. For me personally, it illuminated my fears and the chains of my past till I could break them and rid them of their suffocating power. It helped me cement my boundaries and figure out where my passion lies if not ravaged by self-criticism that was the Voldemort voice of my step father. I hope it will give you insight too.

In many of your posts, I see you have such self-hatred towards yourself. Maybe it is worth exploring that with them. Why do you feel the need to torture yourself so much? You should be proud of yourself right now though Cool. Because you are making hard decisions that expose you to being vulnerable but are being strong enough to go forward with it and sensible enough to inquire. So you are not as much as a failure as you think you are. I am sure you have many other strengths and maybe therapy will help you uncover those.

It is a journey, one I hope will help you find a better quality of life away from mental pain. If you have other specific questions I will be happy to answer them.

 

[Begemont]

Right, I guess I need to give insight on this and I try to keep whatever bitterness I harbour to a minimum. First factor would be what kind of therapy you are going for? Psychotherapy here is mostly privately run, but you can get (and should get) government backing for it, so they'll pay about 80% of it for you IIRC since you are young. So you won't go broke over it, if you get the government backing. You do have to go to a doctor, have a diagnosis and you need them to write you a paper and apply for that backing. It can be a pretty hard process, you also need to find the therapist, your doctor/social worker/nurse at your local mental health services may, or may not provide suggestions on what type of training the therapist should have/orientation and such. Maybe even some suggestions on who. But you have to make the choice for yourself, and you can visit a few for a starting visit with the backing. So be prepared for a bit of a process on starting it - it can seem intimidating, but you can do it, I trust in that and I can help you however I can.

I have some pointers I think on what you should look for in a therapist. They should be someone you think you can respect. I think they should be more intelligent than you are. I kind of think, based on what I know of you, that you would benefit of them being a woman. And most of all they should be someone you think you can trust.

Now what therapy was like for me? It's a lot of self-exploration, understanding yourself and learning maybe some skills to cope. And yeah, for me it was absolutely useless. Now, this might not mean it will be for you. I think people respond differently to different things. Like, I'm introspective enough to consider those different perspectives, so the therapist offering them to me was utterly pointless. It was nothing I couldn't do myself. You might be different and really benefit from that. I benefited to some degree about discussing certain traumas. Again, it's a bit of an exploration on finding what works for you and in that particular relationship.

There might also be something else I could add but I can't come up with anything more right now.

 

[FauxEmotions]

Also, for those who have gone/still go, how did you get over the fear the of actually talking to them? I'm terrified of speaking to a stranger, especially about things so deep. There's also the thought that I'd get committed and only make things worse.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

You know how they say that life is a journey and not a destination? I think you can say the same thing about therapy. It's not so much what you get out of it by going, but what you have to do when you go. I've had good experiences from going to therapy... I've also felt like it was bullshit and like I was talking to someone who couldn't possibly help. I think it's good that you're open to going though. It helps a lot of people.

 

[Misanthrope]

Also, for those who have gone/still go, how did you get over the fear the of actually talking to them? I'm terrified of speaking to a stranger, especially about things so deep. There's also the thought that I'd get committed and only make things worse.

No easy answer there. It really amounted to going and letting them lead until confidence grew and we became no longer strangers to one another. I was so guarded initially I talked nothing about my stepfather. Instead talking about my problem of getting the mail because I was terrified of people looking at me when I stepped outside. We explored that first. In my own personal journey, I was entirely uninterested in a one-sided dynamic. I had my own questions for her. Like what caused you to become a therapist? Have you done therapy yourself? How did it help you? As they learned about me I learned about them and conversation stopped feeling forced or awkward and became human but with a unified purpose. Sometimes just talking about trivial things initially led to deeper things that led to meaningful insight. I think back to her quite fondly a good 15 years on. Therapists that would not engage with me on that level I simply dropped.

As for being committed this is an annoyingly awkward one as liability culture really does hamstring open dialogue. It really will depend on how you convey this suicidality. There are certain red flags that they look for that will provoke an interventionist response. It really is a matter of language and implied risk and immediacy. It is not uncommon for therapists to have suicidal clients and the counsellor then exists in a state of having to make a judgement call. So if your language conveys an immediacy they will intervene as the law requires and their policies demand.

However, if you couch the language in a more vague way, implying suicidality is more like a monster that wants to eat you and you don't want to be eaten, hence why you are here to explore other options. It reframes the concern, diminishes the immediacy of risk but also opens the door to explore it. You will likely though end up being taken through a risk assessment. Which is essentially a tick box exercise and may even end up asked to sign a contract of safety. Personally, I find them to be utterly ridiculous with no proven value whatsoever. However, it is a signal they can move away from risk concern and liability and get back to therapy as intended.

It is probably better to build up a rapport with your therapist before waving red flags of suicide then ease into the discussion when it won't be misconstrued and they have a better insight into you as a person. Even still there is a risk there and you will have to make your own judgement call. I wish it wasn't this way but unfortunately, it is.

 

[hegesias]

Therapy is a scam.

 

[FauxEmotions]

No easy answer there. It really amounted to going and letting them lead until confidence grew and we became no longer strangers to one another. I was so guarded initially I talked nothing about my stepfather. Instead talking about my problem of getting the mail because I was terrified of people looking at me when I stepped outside. We explored that first. In my own personal journey, I was entirely uninterested in a one-sided dynamic. I had my own questions for her. Like what caused you to become a therapist? Have you done therapy yourself? How did it help you? As they learned about me I learned about them and conversation stopped feeling forced or awkward and became human but with a unified purpose. Sometimes just talking about trivial things initially led to deeper things that led to meaningful insight. I think back to her quite fondly a good 15 years on. Therapists that would not engage with me on that level I simply dropped.

As for being committed this is an annoyingly awkward one as liability culture really does hamstring open dialogue. It really will depend on how you convey this suicidality. There are certain red flags that they look for that will provoke an interventionist response. It really is a matter of language and implied risk and immediacy. It is not uncommon for therapists to have suicidal clients and the counsellor then exists in a state of having to make a judgement call. So if your language conveys an immediacy they will intervene as the law requires and their policies demand.

However, if you couch the language in a more vague way, implying suicidality is more like a monster that wants to eat you and you don't want to be eaten, hence why you are here to explore other options. It reframes the concern, diminishes the immediacy of risk but also opens the door to explore it. You will likely though end up being taken through a risk assessment. Which is essentially a tick box exercise and may even end up asked to sign a contract of safety. Personally, I find them to be utterly ridiculous with no proven value whatsoever. However, it is a signal they can move away from risk concern and liability and get back to therapy as intended.

It is probably better to build up a rapport with your therapist before waving red flags of suicide then ease into the discussion when it won't be misconstrued and they have a better insight into you as a person. Even still there is a risk there and you will have to make your own judgement call. I wish it wasn't this way but unfortunately, it is.

Thank you for the response and insight. That makes sense and I guess it's better to attempt it head on and get comfortable in time. Nothing really is easy the first time, for me anyway. I get in my own way a lot. Thanks again.

 

[Misanthrope]

Therapy is a scam.

How is it a scam?

The efficacy of CBT says otherwise. If it is a scam it is an oddly effective one.

The Efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Review of Meta-analyses

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) refers to a popular therapeutic approach that has been applied to a variety of problems. The goal of this review was to provide a comprehensive survey of meta-analyses examining the efficacy of CBT. We identified 269 ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

I think the skills that are taught in DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) can be helpful too. I would suspect a lot of people who feel suicidal deal with extreme emotions and thoughts and it helps to be taught methods of coping with them. I don't believe that is a scam either.

I think the only part of therapy that feels like a "scam" is the fact a lot of people have to pay for help. Not everyone has access to healthcare and it's an unfortunate truth that even healthcare providers need money to live.

 

[hegesias]

How is it a scam?

The efficacy of CBT says otherwise. If it is a scam it is an oddly effective one.

The Efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Review of Meta-analyses

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) refers to a popular therapeutic approach that has been applied to a variety of problems. The goal of this review was to provide a comprehensive survey of meta-analyses examining the efficacy of CBT. We identified 269 ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

I did CBT and didn't work shit for me. It is a scam by my experience.

 

[color_me_gone]

It's just that I don't really feel like I know myself. I'm not really sure what my personality is like and I don't really know what mental health problems I have and it's driving me insane. Getting a new perspective would be nice and interesting.

A good therapist will find those answers for you, but you have to be honest.
@Misanthrope suggestion about skirting the ctb issue is a good one to avoid getting committed.
As all said, after a few sessions, if you don't like your therapist, find another.
They are working for you, not vice-versa.

 

[TAW122]

YMMV and to be fair, there are people who have benefited from therapy and counseling, but I am not one of them. In fact, I'll speak from my experiences as I have been through over a dozen therapists, counselors, social workers, and mental health professionals in my life. It is mostly useless for me as they don't solve my issues or really give me anything effective to solve them, just cheap copes that do fuck all for me. Also, for me, I don't believe there is a 'right' match for me, and even if there is, I cannot justify spending the time, money, and effort to get it, it simply just isn't worth it. Sure, some may consider me being stubborn, but I believe after going through a dozen of them over the course of the majority of my lifespan, I can say that the most help I have ever gotten was from myself and my own self-defined solutions (which works for me even if it is bizarre to most people).

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

I've been to a few:
1 - More interested in talking about her acting career than anything else. She was kind of a hard ass. I think some aspects of my character and lifestyle personally offended her so she took it out on me, which would make sense in a normal relationship but not in a therapeutic one, because it wasn't very constructive.
2 - Very sweet, but definitely specialised to deal with specific issues and couldn't really help me. Saw her a long time.
3 - Kind of a dsm nut, very unempathetic. Don't remember much else.
4 - Really wanted to help people. Overall a good person who you can tell genuinely cares, but inexperienced.
5 - Saw her briefly. Believed in crystals and stuff, wasn't for me.
6 - Who I'm seeing now. She's pretty experienced, keeps an objective perspective, and good at psychoanalyzing without assuming. A little on the passive side in that she reflects how things are rather than what to do about them.

The point of this is that they can vary a lot and relationships with therapists are often more human (including the faults that come with it) than you might initially suspect, and that the label of therapy is just a veneer applied to a relationship that's sort of like any other, especially if your therapist doesn't really know what to do. It hasn't really helped me all that much but if you have immediate problems with concrete solutions it might.

 

[bluesleep]

In my experience it's some jerk pretending to listen to you and then telling you what THEY think you should do with your life. It's useless IMO.

 

[AveryConure]

I think how you described your current thoughts about ctb (that you think about it but would rather get help than go thru with it) should be enough to keep you in the clear, but if you're still paranoid/unsure then Misanthrope's advice will work too.

I went thru a huge amount of therapists. Most of them were either just good at counseling for different issues (I mainly ran into that were mainly for kids, Asperger's people, and drug addicts) or once I found a good one they moved to a different facility which was frustrating as hell. I finally found one that I felt like I got something out of our sessions after I forced myself to talk about my DID issues with her and I'm fortunate enough that my insurance right now pays for all my psych shit and she's apparently sticking around there for a while, so if it wasn't for her I definitely would've been gone a while ago.

Especially that Finland is pretty good with healthcare shit from what I heard I say it won't hurt to give it a shot. If one seems like an ass or just doesn't get you, you have the right to try again with another one but sometimes you have to put the work into getting better too. If I decided to just not talk about my dissociative shit with her I would've thought it was a waste of time and left therapy altogether, but you seem more than willing to help yourself. Recovery is still a long ass and tiresome road though so give yourself a rest and congratulate yourself once in a while cause you deserve it.

Good luck!