what is the thing you are missing in your life that could give you the strength to keep living?

[marios]

think of the worst pain possible . why would anyone want to risk even 10 seconds of it much less a minute or hours of it constantly every second or years of it? theres nothing worth even regular pain or regular suffering much less worth the most extreme pain the most extreme suffering the most extreme torture.

i don't would never want any of the things they say are "needed" like epecially not love , relationship, friends etc never never never. i detest and fear the pleasurable things the most like eating food, youtube addictions because those are the ones that distract me from working on my suicide plan, imo i consider those bait for the worst pain which is much more intense and long lasting than any pleasurable fleeting meaningless garbage.. i don't want any kind of existence / life / consciousness ever

i wouldn't want any kind of existence even if there were no suffering possible . but that's all life is suffering and then there is pain so bad that a minute of it makes every thing else meaningless. the extreme torture is just waiting...

the only things i want are those that move me closer to my suicide asap

And what are the things that will move you closer to ctb?

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

And what are the things that will move you closer to ctb?

things like working hours per day getting my suicide plan decided and ready to go. acquiring any needed supplies for the method plan. reducing time on ridiculous time wasting addictions like youtube, news , sports, media, movies , social media . sleeping enough hours helps everything . and then executing my suicide plan making a suicide attempt asap.

things that move me farther from my ctb are distractions / addictions like youtube news media social media movies videos etc. so i have to quit those or reduce those as much as i can .

i still have to work a job , chores, to do lists, feed myself all the damn time, clean everything , fix everything, humiliate myself , 100; of other impositions like most people but the only reasons i have to do those is because i haven't killed myself and i see no objective reason to do those other than to avoid me suffering even more. the only purpose is avoiding suffering and pain and problems.

i didn;'t have to do anything , had no problems , no threats against me , didn't have to feed myself all the time , work , chores etc before i was born all these problems and even worse hells were imposed on me only after i was born. i want to return to non-existence to solve all my problems at once and forever never any pain , sufffering problems nor bad memories ever again pure bliss

 

[Languish]

I wish I could love others more than I hate myself. What I lack in life is the ability to care about myself in any way, shape, or form.

 

[cme-dme]

Money probably? Many of my concerns and stressors in life come from the fact that I can't live independently. They say money can't buy happiness but therapy ain't free and neither is medication. If I had money I could live somewhere that'd be less isolating, maybe in a city.

 

[yehxlder.666]

Money probably? Many of my concerns and stressors in life come from the fact that I can't live independently. They say money can't buy happiness but therapy ain't free and neither is medication. If I had money I could live somewhere that'd be less isolating, maybe in a city.

That's funny cause if i had alot of money i'd probably live in a more isolating/peaceful place, people make me crazy! But i agree with your statement.

 

[cme-dme]

That's funny cause if i had alot of money i'd probably live in a more isolating/peaceful place, people make me crazy! But i agree with your statement.

Hmm lets switch places then :)

 

[TerminallyBroken]

That's pretty easy. Love. A person who will love me for the good, the bad, the ugly, and the downright weird. Someone who will never leave my side and who will travel the world with me. Who will tour with me and be my personal groupie, best friend, tour buddy, bandmate, and most of all, devoted and loving spouse. The person who will sing like no one's listening in the car with me to classic emo, grunge, punk and metal songs while we go on road trips in the summer. Someone who will go on walks in the park with me in Autumn while we sip our pumpkin spiced lattes and admire all the fall leaves. Someone who will go pick flowers and take photos in the meadows during the spring. And someone who will chill under a blanket on the couch while we sip tea and hot chocolate in the winter. Or go play in the snow or go ice skating and watch hockey games. And on Christmas Eve, bake cookies, sing Christmas Carols, watch Home Alone, and make out under the stars as the snow falls all around us. Someone who make out in the middle of the pit with me at the live shows. Someone who will jam to classic Bob Marley and smoke a joint with me as the sunsets on a warm breezy summer afternoon at the beach. If they play guitar even better. We could just jam together all night on the weekends and drink a few beers talking about the greatest rock songs of all time. Butttttttttt, that's never gonna happen soooo. Yeah. :(

 

[Ariii]

Money so I could do my favorite thing in life, that is daydreaming, laying in bed, and being a hermit

 

[marios]

That's pretty easy. Love. A person who will love me for the good, the bad, the ugly, and the downright weird. Someone who will never leave my side and who will travel the world with me. Who will tour with me and be my personal groupie, best friend, tour buddy, bandmate, and most of all, devoted and loving spouse. The person who will sing like no one's listening in the car with me to classic emo, grunge, punk and metal songs while we go on road trips in the summer. Someone who will go on walks in the park with me in Autumn while we sip our pumpkin spiced lattes and admire all the fall leaves. Someone who will go pick flowers and take photos in the meadows during the spring. And someone who will chill under a blanket on the couch while we sip tea and hot chocolate in the winter. Or go play in the snow or go ice skating and watch hockey games. And on Christmas Eve, bake cookies, sing Christmas Carols, watch Home Alone, and make out under the stars as the snow falls all around us. Someone who make out in the middle of the pit with me at the live shows. Someone who will jam to classic Bob Marley and smoke a joint with me as the sunsets on a warm breezy summer afternoon at the beach. If they play guitar even better. We could just jam together all night on the weekends and drink a few beers talking about the greatest rock songs of all time. Butttttttttt, that's never gonna happen soooo. Yeah. :(

I cried a Little bit... I feel every Word you wrote... May i ask you of you hard a healty relationship before?

Send you hugs

 

[ctb2soble]

My best friend. He died over ten years ago and made me realize from the moment we met, that soulmates were real and he was it. I believe in an afterlife and just want to be near him again. When he died, it was like the one little light I had in my world was snuffed out completely.

 

[Johnzaga23]

money.

 

[daysnumbered]

Just having hope would be a start.

 

[33-vertebrae]

Money. I could get whatever healthcare I needed without restriction; I could own my own home, on my own land, instead of living with/off of someone else and being a burden.

 

[S like suicide]

First of all I want to say that I loved reading every post in this thread. I related to every post and I agree with what everybody wrote.
And this made me feel understood and was comforting because I felt less alone in this universe.

Regarding what is my answer...well
The thing that would have given me the strength would have been a happy ending.
I honestly thought that after decades of suffering, my time would finally come and I truly believed in it and was working for it.
but the truth is that there is no happy ending. And this moment that I expect is just a fantasy.
life is cruel...and just because you have suffered doesn't mean that now the sun will start to shine in your life.
I gave myself more time, I fought day after day and year after year, seriously believing that with my commitment things could change.
It's not like that in reality...
Sometimes it's really hard when you're alone in the world... when you have a dysfunctional and shitty family, when you have no one else and you also have difficulty functioning like everyone else and living in this world with its rules.
There is nothing guaranteed in this world.
you can have and find love or friends and they can betray you in the worst way.
And if this betrayal happened in your family? How can you trust anymore?
There is no stability within you and you are always walking on quicksand terrain, how do you build something real, something that lasts?
and if this isn't there...then what's the point of the rest?
It all seems fake to me...has no sense.
I therefore understood that my happy ending can only be my death.